Mama Bear

Evidently the Mama Bear instinct never leaves a woman. Check out the comment my mom left following the anonymous posters insult drive-by.

In other news the CCAA updated it's wbsite this week. Over the weekend they finally reviewed all dossiers logged in through September 30, 2006. This is a crucial step before going onto the matching rooms.

The CCAA also matched families with log in dates before December 14, 2005. In case you are new or confused about this, that's a long freakin' time to wait. In the year 2007 the CCAA was only able to get through 2 months worth of LIDs. So since I have started this journey we've gotten from Late October to Mid-December. I'd like to be optimistic for those that are waiting, and honestly I have made peace with the wait, but this month it feels like whoopy freakin' doo.

I wish I could get excited about it, but the honest truth is that the longer I wait, the more far away it seems. When I look to my future I imagine children and I see MayLing in it, but I think I have been waiting so long that it has begun to feel like a figment of my imagination. It's a big reason I don't tell people about the adoption. Today I met another FCC parent who just got her LID last week. She's very excited, but while we are talking (and I'm trying to talk in code so others around don't know that I am also expecting) someone listening in figures it out and congratulates me and wants to know all the details. I try to pass it off like it is nothing even though in my heart it is a very big thing! I told her that I have about 2-3 more years of waiting which is why I don't tell people about it...it's just too hard to have to answer that ever so wonderful question. She then told me that her daughter was adopted domestically 2 years ago. Wow! She's very excited for me and I can tell she wants to talk more about it, but I really didn't want it to be any more public that it already is. I can barely get through a Sunday at church without at least one more person asking about it. It's the same question every week, how much longer? Well, it's the exact same answer I gave you last week and the week before. Sarah is getting me a t-shirt for Christmas that alerts people that I am still adopting and NO I haven't heard anything. I think I will wear it every week to church until they get it. I don't mind talking about it with my close friends, but this is evidently the only thing acquaintances can think of to talk about. Believe me, I love to talk about MayLing, but I am tired of educating people on Chinese adoptions and why the children are abandoned (do they know how much it bothers me to discuss this? No one wants to think of their child as being abandoned and feeling cold, hungry and alone) and I am tired of answering the "when?" question. My new answer: Only God knows.

Sorry if my rant seems bitter or angry. I truly am not. I really am at peace. I believe God has a time for everything because I have seen his timing work in some pretty incredible ways. I guess I don't like constantly being reminded that the journey is often long and hard. I can't imagine someone repeatedly asking a married couple if they are pregnant or not, and that's what this feels like.