I can't believe I ate the whole thing...

Well, not the whole thing, but enough to make me sick.  I am allergic to dairy products, but since the reaction isn't great enough to kill me or make me welt up, I still eat it on occasion.  Like on Holidays.  Like all day Tuesday and Wednesday.  Like I'm sick right now.   I'm starting to wonder if it was worth it to binge on a cheese ball...oh my tummy! Do you know the Pepto Dance?  I sure do!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas to all you bloggers that are still checking your blog sites in between present opening and chowing!

Thank you to those that left messages after my previous post.  Your comments were greatly appreciated.  Although I did get my butt up at 4:30 am on Saturday, I was unable to get the stand-by flight back home.  I still had to wait until 10 am, but that was ok too.  It was the easiest flight I have had in a long time and we arrived early.  I managed to beat my folks to my house by 15 minutes. 

On Sunday my Dad installed shelves in my hall close and all three bedrooms.  Most of the closets in my house have either one or no shelves at all.  Now, they all have two!  Thanks, Dad!

Yesterday my sister, bro-in-law and niece came over and we all opened gifts together.  I had to do Christmas-Lite again this year, but we still had a lot of fun together.  I got a lot of great gifts this year...including two Adoption Mama shirts from my sister.  I will try to post photos soon!  My bro-in-law surprised me with a "Baby on Board" sign for my car and a fleece blanket for baby.  Awww.  Sarah said he went out shopping all by himself and got that for me.  I felt really bad for only getting him a shirt.  Another favorite gift was the Megellan GPS that my dad bought me.  Holy Cow!  I should not be able to get lost anywhere in the lower 48 states.  This thing is awesome!  Kristen, I already programmed your address into it!  The next time I go to Dallas I'm definitely taking this with me.  I have the worst sense of direction.  Technically, my dad is worse than me, but he certainly passed it on to me!  My mom always gets frustrated with us because she can't figure out why we can't figure out how to get anywhere.  I definitely believe that a sense of direction is a genetic trait. 

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with a couple of "Christmas" photos I found on-line...some people have no sense at all.

I call this one the Christmas Whore.  If you haven't already read David Sedaris' book Christmas on Ice, I highly recommend you buy it on the 1/2 sale tomorrow.  Dinah, the Christmas Whore has to be the best story title I've ever heard of. 

  This one defies explanation.  I think Rudolph isn't able to get the lift he's used to and is not using a blown air propeller?

And my personal favorite, nothing says XXXmas without a little BDSM.  And to think I asked for luggage for Christmas!

All you who sleep tonight...

All you who sleep tonight

Far from the ones you love,

No hand to left or right

and emptiness above--

Know that you aren't alone,

the whole word shares your tears.

Some for two nights or one

and some for all their years.

~Vikram Seth~

I live alone. Being alone has long been apart of me, even from childhood. I sleep alone, I eat most of my meals alone. I spend a lot of time alone.

Normally I am fine with this, but there is something about traveling alone and somehow being alone in a group...it makes me ponder my alone status. There are eleven people in my training group and everyone traveled with at least one other colleague. Somehow even the lesbian with really poor social skills managed to find another lesbian in this hotel to hang out with this week. And considering that lesbianism is not really a club that many of the locals join that's saying something. I did spend Wednesday evening hanging out with the ladies from Virginia, but I couldn't really join in their conversations and I don't particular enjoy shopping for hours on end so that was still an isolating experience. Even this didn't bother me.

Last night I decided to visit a Mexican restaurant here that I really enjoy for the architecture and ambience. Because I was alone I was seated quickly, but instead of getting to sit in the center near the fountain, I got stuck next to an obnoxiously large party groups. This didn't bother me. It wasn't until I was standing outside the restaurant waiting for the shuttle in the cold that I was acutely aware of how alone I was. And again tonight as I walked through the empty hotel and down the street to get some food. I realized that I wasn't accountable to anyone for my actions...and in a sense this was scary. As I raced to cross the street before the cars mowed me down or dodging cars in the Target parking lot I was acutely aware of being alone. In a sense it is very empowering. I have wandered the streets of several continents alone and I had that same sense...feeling deeply within my self, but also slightly sad because I couldn't share it with anyone.

I'm hoping to get on stand-by for an earlier flight in the morning. I really need to be around people. Especially people that love me. And when I ponder my feelings, I can't help but think of my daughter and I pray that she never feels this way. I realize that she has likely not been born yet, but I pray that she and her birth mother are loved and know how much I am loving them from afar. I hope, as Vikra Seth so eloquently wrote, "know that you are not alone, that the whole world shares your tears."

Scary Texas

I finally had a chance to wander past the two block area I've been in the last 2 days and here are a couple of things that really freak me out:

• I have a possessed TV. My first night I was here I was lying in bed just drifting off to sleep and suddenly the TV comes on. Not only does the TV come on, after a minute it starts flipping through the channels. I thought it would eventually stop, but it didn't. I finally had to get up and turn it off again. This morning as I was talking to my mom on the phone, the bedside radio alarm that I thought I had turned off, came on. Only it wasn't the radio playing, it was the TV again. Weird. The alarm worked fine yesterday morning.
• The highways are seriously messed up (no offense to those of you that live here because I'm sure our IN roads are probably freaky to you too). Highways dart across each other, zigzagging across the flat expanse of land. If that doesn't groove you, the lack of road signs or the MINIATURE size them is making this near-sighted girl go batty. They say everything in Texas is big, and for the most part I agree, but these road signs...c'mon.
• THE TOILETS. As an IBS sufferer, I am intimately familiar with just about every toilet in my vicinity. These make me jump a bit and I have started flinching before I even touch the handle. When you begin to push the handle, it drops violently sudden which throws off my center of balance, pushing me forward. If having your face thrust toward the toilet bowel isn't scary enough, the vortex of Hell opens up and VIOLENTLY sucks the bowl contents into the abyss. I thought it was just at the training center, but I have seen it all over the region. This is enough to scare anyone sh**less, no wonder the highways are like they are.
• I read today that Britney Spear's sister, 16 year-old Jamie Lynn, is preggo. Wow. Evidently she met the father of the baby at church. I attended a church like that once...maybe they add something to the water?

Kris just emailed to tell me that the CCAA has updated their website and the parent's with LIDs before October 31, 2006 have gotten through the review room. Yeah! Congrats to all those parents...just 4 more months and I will be through too!

Brought to you by the Letter J...as in Janet

I think my mom is trying to get me Seasame Street ready because she brought the letter 'J' into my focus this morning. I'm sorry if that's a bit unclear, but I'm sure my mom knows what I'm referring to.

I have managed to sit through the first half of today's class and I'm still holding on. However, they just served lasagna and breadsticks so I am predicting I'll be close to sleep-time by 1:23 central time. The class starts at 1 pm so say a prayer...

Ok, I think I'm going to opt for some bullet points...

• I had a good day in class today and I am officially a builder now. I know that really doesn't matter much to any of you at all, but it's good to know my skills set has finally increased. Not only that, I didn't struggle through the class near as much as the last time. It is probably a bad sign, though, that we covered half the book the first day of class and we still have 3 more days. Hmmm?
• I made a new friend today. I was at Babys R Us picking out some clothes for my niece (Sarah, don't read any further if you don't want to know what I got Saige) and while I was on the phone talking to Kris about all the cute clothes at the store, the woman in front of me overheard a bit of the conversation and I learned she is also adopting from China! Wow, what a small world. She has been waiting for 22 months so I certainly hope things speed up so that it doesn't go past 2 years for her. Ok, that's totally being optomistic, but I'm feeling perky tonight.
• I finally got my laptop to work last night...yay! Of course, it took until nearly 1 am for that to happen.
• I'm sitting here feeling tired and not knowing why...duh, it's almost midnight my time.
• The weather here is awesome! It was about 70 degrees, bright and sunny. It's terribly dry though and it didn't help that I came here with chapped skin. Does anybody have any suggestions on how to un-chap my skin? My poor legs are cracked and painful.
• Ok, Sarah, if you are still reading I can only assume that you want to know what I bought Saige. Tough. I'm not going to tell you. You will have to wait until Christmas like everyone else.

Everything truly is bigger in Texas...just ask my expanding Buddha Belly.

Random musings from the plane of life...

I have spent the better part of the day in an airport or an air-plane so here are my random thoughts:

• Why does it take only 10-15 minutes to board an entire plane and take off, but it takes the same plane load of people 30+ minutes to get off and another 30+ to find their luggage?
• Each airplane window has two panes of glass. Since these are sealed how can they have settled dust in between them? This kept me awake and worrying today. Well, not really worrying, but too bored to thing about anything else.
• Why must I always sit by someone that doesn't use deoderant and desperately needs it? Today it was a young woman...very pretty with nice clothes. Shouldn't she want to keep them fresh smelling?
• How is it that I keep seeing the same gentleman at the Indy airport? Seriously, he's hard to miss. Very tall, large girth with big wooly black hair and beard. Very Eastern-European looking. Is this the guy that Tom Hanks was pretending to be in the Terminal?
• Why is it that when I looked up Tom Hanks on Amazon.com (because I couldn't remember the movie he was in) multiple episodes of Gunsmoke, Charlie Rose, and the movie Heat came up?
• Why do I feel more relaxed now that I am away from home than I have the past 2 weeks?
• Why does my freakin' work-owned laptop not work when I am in this hotel????

Cheers from Sunny Dallas!

Erica

PS--Happy Birthday Michael!

**Addendum**

Have you all seen this video http://www.bestviral.com/video/6629/dont_ever_drink_from_hotel_glasses

Yeah, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about staying in hotels. Fortunately, I've always been a nut about rinsing cups before I use them...even ones I use at home. But just in case, I stole a plastic cup from the dining area.

PS--I have cable TV...yeah! I'm going to stay up all night watching crap TV. Another perk of traveling on someone else's dime...

And people wonder why I have remained single?

And the time is....11:20 AM

Yep, I finally saw my first snow plow on my street for a storm that began yesterday morning before the sun came up.  It has long been the position of the local road authorities to only clear the roads after the snow has finished falling.  I can understand that it would be cheaper to only send out your employees when the storm is over, but does it really help those idiots (me included) who are driving out there? Generally they don't plow my neighborhood at all since we are ~500 feet outside city limits.  Maybe someone was in the Christmas spirit?

Based on the weather conditions this morning I opted to skip church.  I love church.  I look forward to it all week long which I can't say has been the case at other churches I have attended.  However, some time at home to relax will be good for me after the chaotic weeks I've had recently.  So here is my grand plan for today:  make meat loaf, wash my sheets and every other piece of cotton that isn't upholstered or stuck to furniture, make Christmas cookies.  Sounds like a good plan, eh? 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I woke up this morning at 8ish and we already had 3 inches of the white stuff on the ground. Woo-hoo! Definitely a lazy day, although I did venture out for a little bit this afternoon. I ordered a book at the library to take with me next week on my trip to Dallas. I'm really nervous about the travels this time. I ordered a shuttle when I finally arrive in Dallas so I shouldn't have to relive the horrible blind cabbie incident. Since we are under a winter storm advisory until tomorrow afternoon, I'm also concerned about the weather.

I think I have finally had a chance to pay something forward. As you may recall I lost my job this summer. It was another adoptive parent that helped me get the job I currently have and I have felt indebted to her since then. She didn't know me and she certainly didn't have to help me at all, but I know it was her influence that got me hired. The company really wanted to hire from the inside, and I was the first outsider they had ever hired in the department. Well, a colleague of mine that I really enjoyed working with at Select also applied for a job at the same company in a different department at the same time I did. Did you get all that...that sentence was tricky. Like me, she was told the position was filled. She let it go, as I had, and began working a horrible job that keeps her away from her family most of the time. She is miserable and having done the same job in the past, I can certainly sympathize. I knew for a fact that they never hired anyone in the department that she applied for and some of the people in that department are actually trying to get me to switch to their department! They are that busy and desperate for help so I knew there was NO WAY they hired anyone. Sounds familiar, right?

Well, right before Thanksgiving some of the people in this department were asking what happened to Kara because she was really well liked. I told them the saga about her trying to get hired to their department, but having no luck. Evidently, HR never told the department director that there was an applicant. As soon as I heard that I called Kara to see if she was still interested in that job, she was, and I have been advocating for her since then. Yesterday she interviewed with HR and the department director and yesterday afternoon they called me to check her references! I think she has a job!!! I am so excited and happy for her and I also feel relieved that I have been able to help out someone the way that I was helped. I have felt this deep debt of gratitude since Kathy helped me get my job and in a sense it has weighed over my head. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. It's like someone giving you a glass of water when you are terribly thirsty and being able to pass that glass of cold water to the next person that needed it. The job will be challenging and stressful, but I think it will be a better environment for her and I will finally have the chance to work with her again. I'm very excited about that!

Good luck, Kara!!!!!

T-I-R-E-D

As a kid I only knew three speeds: stop, go, go faster.  I'm not sure when it changed, but I'm certainly not a kid anymore!  I have been dreading this week for a long time and I have been praying for Friday ALL WEEK.  I really hate wishing my week away, but this one kicked my butt.  Not only am I tired, but getting older also asserts other problems.  Now when I get this dog tired, it makes me feel almost sick.  When I got home from work today I crashed on the couch and slept for a couple of hours.  I woke up with a funny feeling head.  This weekend should be restful because aside from some stuff tomorrow morning, I have no plans.  I'm assured of having a quiet weekend because we are expecting a hellacious winter storm with snow (at least 2-5 inches, but that will likely change), sleet and ice.  Fun!

Lest I forget once again....my 10 month LIDversery was this week!  Yeah, on Wednesday I celebrate another month bringing me to 10 months of official waiting.  Every month that passes makes me feel somewhat calmer.  I suppose the knowledge that I am one month closer helps me to pass the time.  I actually forgot on the day of my LIDversery until Kris reminded me.  Thanks Kris!  I was afraid that working night shift would throw off my schedule and it certainly has. 

The misspellings of the previous post should have indicated to you just how tired I was. I'm glad that's over. It was boring for the greater part of the night, but by 5 am it started getting busy and by 6 am I was really hopping and my phone kept going off non-stop. The War Room (yeah, that's what we called the command center) was really busy and really noisy. I had the help desk on the phone constantly running reports for me. When someone at 7:30 finally asked if they could have my phone, it was all I could do to not throw it at them and say "you touched it last! It's yours now." I got home by 7:50 and was asleep by 8:15 am. Ahhhh. My bed is the comfiest place on earth. I woke up the first time around 12:45 and managed to sleep another hour before waking up. Night shift is hard. It's been over 8 years since I worked nights and I had to live, breathe, and sleep a grave-yard shift. Now, I am expected to return to work in the morning. I think I'll be dragging in a little bit late...

Still Awakern

Yep, I'm amazed too. I'm still awake and I have 5 more hours to go before I can go home. Talk about a long night. I just downed some chicken strips and mashed potatoes (yum) and now it is going to be challenging to stay awake. Oh, and I haven't had any caffeine yet.

Cheers!

And do NOT call me until at least 3:30 pm. I'm turning off my phones just to help any of you that might want to chat.

Pulling an all nighter

When have I ever had a difficult time staying up late?  Well, apparently tonight.  For the last two weeks I've had trouble going to bed at night, and now, when I need to stay up late, I can't.  I even took a 2 hour nap this afternoon and I'm still dragging.  For those that might be wondering why I would do this to myself, I have to work tomorrow night from 8 pm to 8 am Tuesday.  I actually volunteered because I figured it would be the easy shift and I can hang out with my good buddies and joke and snack all night.  Plus, there is the night shift differential and that always counts for something.  I don't think we will have much to do after we tell the users to log off at midnight and 2 am.  They go to the back up system which is paper.  As an applications analyst, there really isn't anything for me to do at that point. 

The only truly sucky thing about this is that I have to go in from noon to 4 pm tomorrow for meetings.  I guess it is good or I wouldn't get all my hours, but I am so worried about falling asleep on my shift.  Would that be such a bad thing?  It's not as if any lives, or any computers are at stake, but this facility is such an old school, conservative group that it would be a bad idea, I'm sure.  Say a prayer that I make it through tomorrow night and that I am able to revert back to a day schedule!  The last time I did this (can anyone say Hong Kong?) I was messed up for weeks, and it's not the jet lag that does it to me.  It's staying up too late and getting my cycle confused.  Well, I guess that sort of is jet lag. 

Baby, baby (time)

Ahhh, I got some much needed baby time. Do you ever have those days where you wonder if you'll be good with kids, especially your own? Or do you fear they will start crying when they see you? No? Ok, I guess it is just me. I think every woman wants to think she is good with kids, but how do you know until you are face-to-face with your child? I guess it is always good to practice, which is what I did today. I have befriended a Korean woman that comes to church each week with her now one year-old son (just about the cutest little guy I have ever seen, but he really makes me work to get a smile!).

She invited me over for a lunch of Korean after church, and aside from the kimchi, I really can't remember the name of the other food we ate, but it was good! Her kimchi really redeemed itself because I have been anti-kimchi since having some overly fermented ick a few years ago. Not really a fan of anything fermented to begin with, but once it starts going to south, look out! Anyway, the food was delish and I plan on having the two of them over after the New Year.

Besides the food and getting to know Yoon Jung, her son was the best part of the day. I had him laughing and smiling and he would just stand and tug on my shirt or pants while I sat at the table until I gave him grapes. Yeah, he felt so comfortable around me he started spitting the grape skins into my hand. And it didn't even bother me. Who says I'm not ready for motherhood?

I told her of my plans to adopt (might as well, everyone else at church knows) and she responded with the typical Asian response--no, you should really reconsider. She had trouble with fertility and she thought of adoption, but in Korea (and in most Asian cultures that I've encountered) they are very anti-adoption. Blood is very important to them. She told me I should wait for a husband...that sounds familiar and that I should enjoy being single and being free. I think she also thought I was much younger than I am and once I explained why I was adopting she did concede that I was good with kids and her hard to please son seemed to like me.

It's always good to get to know new people and new cultures. Unfortunately, she will not live her long and quite possibly won't be living here when I go to China. She did say that when I go to China, I should stop by S. Korea and spend time with her. Hmmm....I wonder what MayLing would think?

Be like me?

I spent my morning with 8 five and six year-old girls and 1 twelve year-old.  A colleague that I met through our local FCC chapter (and who later was very influential in getting me a job) was celebrating her daughter's 6 year birthday with a Build-A-Bear Birthday Bash.  Yep, it's a mouth full. 

Her daughter attends a Montessori school and there is evidently quite a mix of students that attend.  Her friends were very diverse, as were there parents.  Most of the moms hung around and helped their daughters (let's face it--9 kids is a lot of kids!). 

There was one little girl that didn't have a mother there and there was something about her that broke my heart as much as it made me realize that she was going to be ok.  She was very quiet, rather backward and didn't make much eye contact.  When the pack of girls went left, she went right.  When they all picked out matching Princess outfits for their bears, she picked out a Colts Cheerleading outfit.  She was the only girl that did that.  She didn't warm to me quickly, but she was warmer to me than the other moms.  I realized when I was spending time with her that she was me as a child.  I was very quiet and backward.  I was more comfortable with adults than kids and I always went my own way, even when it was painful.  My mom and I have had this conversation many times--will MayLing be like me as a kid or like me now?  Those that know me now always think I am joking when I tell them how quiet I was.  I would only laugh around people I was comfortable with, but around everyone else I withdrew into a shell.  Or, will MayLing be like me now?  Outgoing, never-met-a-stranger, easy going? 

I looked at little Kelsie and even though she was quiet and didn't want to hold hands with any of the other little girls, I knew she was going to be ok.  She would find her own way.  She didn't need the rest of us to direct her path--she was going to march to the beat of her inner drummer and now follow the music of the crowd. 

My host later told me that Kelsie's mom is very sick.  Her mom is Asian-Canadian (Korean perhaps?) and her dad is white American.  While visiting family in Canada this summer she became very ill and has been hospitalized since then.  Kelsie did mention to me towards the end of the party that her mom is sick and that she hopes to see her this Christmas.  My heart breaks for this girl and her family.  From personal experience I know how those early personal traumas really shape a personality.

Orphan Video--worth the 6 minutes of watching

Rough Day

I had a rough day at work.  I don't like surprises.  I really don't.  Unless the surprise involves chocolate, jewelry, or other pretty things, I don't want to know about it.  A co-worker called me today and asked if I had completed the flowsheet tool.  What???!!?  A few days ago she asked if I would do some research on flowsheet/time & motion and offer suggestions.  Evidently it had evolved from researching into developing a tool.  Something was definitely missing in the translation.  Oh, and it is due in 2 hours. 

Without any advice or suggestions I began putting together a beautiful tool using Visio and some downloaded ER flowsheets in another employee's saved network drive.  I got it done with 1/2 an hour to spare and emailed it to her for critique.  I waited...and waited...and waited.  No response so I went to the meeting and showed it to her there in front of the ED staff we were presenting to.  She said it wasn't what she wanted and proceeded to pull out her own version.  It's moments like that that really make me want to reverse my no-curse policy (it's only for the kid--otherwise I think I would still be cursing like a drunk nurse).  Just a side note, I learned to curse effectively after becoming a nurse.  It's amazing the things you learn on the job...

After that little episode the day got better.  I actually got to spend the afternoon in the ER and I wasn't even sick!  It was really fun to see the flow of things--it is truly amazing that they do such a good job considering the amount of new information and stimulus that is always coming in. 

Even after coming home I was still feeling a bit put out about my morning until I was reminded of what truly matters:

As morbid as it sounds, it really put things in perspective for me and I had a really good laugh. 

At work I've been writing my quote of the day up on the dry erase board and one then I posted earlier this week was this: Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Mama Bear

Evidently the Mama Bear instinct never leaves a woman. Check out the comment my mom left following the anonymous posters insult drive-by.

In other news the CCAA updated it's wbsite this week. Over the weekend they finally reviewed all dossiers logged in through September 30, 2006. This is a crucial step before going onto the matching rooms.

The CCAA also matched families with log in dates before December 14, 2005. In case you are new or confused about this, that's a long freakin' time to wait. In the year 2007 the CCAA was only able to get through 2 months worth of LIDs. So since I have started this journey we've gotten from Late October to Mid-December. I'd like to be optimistic for those that are waiting, and honestly I have made peace with the wait, but this month it feels like whoopy freakin' doo.

I wish I could get excited about it, but the honest truth is that the longer I wait, the more far away it seems. When I look to my future I imagine children and I see MayLing in it, but I think I have been waiting so long that it has begun to feel like a figment of my imagination. It's a big reason I don't tell people about the adoption. Today I met another FCC parent who just got her LID last week. She's very excited, but while we are talking (and I'm trying to talk in code so others around don't know that I am also expecting) someone listening in figures it out and congratulates me and wants to know all the details. I try to pass it off like it is nothing even though in my heart it is a very big thing! I told her that I have about 2-3 more years of waiting which is why I don't tell people about it...it's just too hard to have to answer that ever so wonderful question. She then told me that her daughter was adopted domestically 2 years ago. Wow! She's very excited for me and I can tell she wants to talk more about it, but I really didn't want it to be any more public that it already is. I can barely get through a Sunday at church without at least one more person asking about it. It's the same question every week, how much longer? Well, it's the exact same answer I gave you last week and the week before. Sarah is getting me a t-shirt for Christmas that alerts people that I am still adopting and NO I haven't heard anything. I think I will wear it every week to church until they get it. I don't mind talking about it with my close friends, but this is evidently the only thing acquaintances can think of to talk about. Believe me, I love to talk about MayLing, but I am tired of educating people on Chinese adoptions and why the children are abandoned (do they know how much it bothers me to discuss this? No one wants to think of their child as being abandoned and feeling cold, hungry and alone) and I am tired of answering the "when?" question. My new answer: Only God knows.

Sorry if my rant seems bitter or angry. I truly am not. I really am at peace. I believe God has a time for everything because I have seen his timing work in some pretty incredible ways. I guess I don't like constantly being reminded that the journey is often long and hard. I can't imagine someone repeatedly asking a married couple if they are pregnant or not, and that's what this feels like.

Tagged...and I'm it

Miss Melissa tagged me to name eight things about myself and to tag 8 other people.  Here it goes:

1.  My little toe is on side ways.  No kidding.  I just discovered it Thanksgiving Day when I showered.  I'm not sure when it happened, but I think it must have been fairly recent.  Perhaps I broke it after stubbing it and didn't reset it?  The reason I hadn't noticed before is probably related to the fact that I rarely shower with my contacts in and I can't see anything clearly and the fact that it is cold and my feet are in socks!  I don't know how it happened or when it happened.  Now, everyday I try to turn it so that the nail bed faces up instead of outward.  It's definitely a new form of "ortho" pedics.

2.  I enjoy writing.  I started a novel a few years ago and after 155 pages put it away.  It's too consuming.  Someday maybe I'll finish it, but I'm not the same person that started it.

3.  I like lots of light.  I like all the lights blazing when I watch TV, eat dinner, etc.  However, I wear my sunglasses outside until the sun is really far down in the Western sky.  Go figure.

4.  I hate to be cold.  I hate to be hot.  I'm miserable and whiny when I'm either one.  I like to be about 72-74 degrees at all times.  Better yet, I'd like to live somewhere that is 72-74 degrees at all times.

5.  I dream about my baby girl.  'Nuff said.

6.  When I was a child, teenager and a young adult in my 20s people often commented about how mature I was.  I think I've regressed or maybe I just don't care anymore how people view me, but I'm not embarrassed to laugh at or tell fart jokes.  C'mon it's funny!  As a nurse it's a job hazard...you have to view these things as funny.  Don't you think God had a sense of humor when he designed us this way?  

7.  I started college when I was 16 and I became an RN at the age of 19.  Nursing was the hardest job I ever had.  I can't explain to you how hard it was for me at that age to hold the hand of a person dying.  Sometimes it was worse knowing that it was actually for the best--even if they were young.  I will never forget the time I had to wheel a young man to the morgue--we were the same age.  Or, the older man that begged me to kill him because he was so sick.  Nurses will always have my respect.  Have you thanked a nurse today???

8.  I don't feel guilty.  I made a conscious decision years ago that I was going to stop feeling guilty for every little thing.  I would agonize over the way someone spoke to me or what they said or didn't say.  What a gift to myself to be able to acknowledge my errors and move on.  I hope that I can teach my daughter the same.   

Ok, who's next...(insert evil laugh):

Kris

Angie

Laura

Blondie

Kelli

Jen

Lina

Abby's Mom

More News

Ok, this is where the "mad" part of MayLing's Mama's musings come in.  I just LOVE reading the newspaper.  I can't help myself.  Big town, little town, it doesn't really matter.  The things I comment on are things that I just don't understand.  Sometimes I can't figure out why they are newsworthy (like today's article about a 5 year-old chimp beating college students at computer games--who cares?) or I find them just so disturbing and distressful (like the teacher that I told you last week who was in trouble for allowing her Muslim students to name the class mascot Muhammad) that the fact that these things happen boggles my mind. 

Ok, story #1

A Mexican singer, Zayda Pena, was shot through the heart.  Evidently this is the 4th killing of musicians that produce popular northern music (rap?).  The disturbing thing isn't so much that Zayda was shot, but that she was shot in the hospital while recovering from being shot in the neck the day before.  Did you catch that?  Shot twice in two days.  What the heck?

Story #2 (ok, I promise this is more uplifting)

Jianguo Liu, an ecologist in Michigan, recently released his report about the growing divorce rate worldwide and it's effect on ecology.  Two or 4 people share just as much household energy as 1, so when two people split homes and settle new homes they are actually using up more resources.  The message I get from this?  It's time to get busy and baby, I'm cold over here.  I live in a very liberal, green town.  I wonder if I can use this information as a pick-up line: hey, baby, you want to save the world?  Come on over to my place. 

Wow, my first nasty comment, I am honored

it's true I had my first drive-by anonymous insult comment.  Evidently this is a person that doesn't actually know me or they would have known that my intentions were not meant to be cruel, I can promise you.  However as a nurse, the heaviness of death is somewhat removed from me.  That isn't to say that I take it lightly, but death is something I see every day. Besides, you missed the actual joke. David's death wasn't the joke, nor was it meant to be.  The fact that our newspaper considers this front page material was the joke.  I actually cut away the rest of the article which goes into detail about his mental disability because I felt it was an inappropriate thing to report.  When someone of average mental capacity dies we don't report "man of average mental capacity found dead". 

To the anonymous commenter who doesn't know me, please feel free to  delete my blog from your bookmarks since you find it so offensive, it won't bother me in the least.  This blog is my blog and the address was given out to only my family and close friends.  How you happened on to it is beyond me.

The other day as I was talking to my friend and primary movie buddy I made the comment that David got to go out of this world the way I would have chosen...with a smile on my face doing what I enjoy most!  He was far luckier than most. 

Unleaded lips, please

There has been a lot of talk about lead in toys and I have already weighed in on this matter.  But, for those of you that like to be well informed about other sources of lead, let me guide you here.  Toys aren't the only unsafe things--American made lipstick is also suspect.  So the next time, you go to lick your ruby coated lips, check this chart (on page 10) to make sure you aren't suckin' down some bad for you lead.  It doesn't say anything about lip gloss so those of you that use candy flavored Lip Smackers because of the oh so sweet taste are probably ok. 

Other news:  evidently my local paper has been voted the best daily paper in the state of Indiana.  Yep, it even beat the Indianapolis Star.  C'mon you can't beat some of the stories in the paper...consider this one:

 

A Bloomington man was found unresponsive Wednesday evening at a movie theater following a showing of the film “Enchanted.” He was later pronounced dead at Bloomington Hospital.

David Kaspar, 38, was dropped off at Showplace 12, west, by his mother for the 6:20 p.m. show, said his sister, Lyn Huntington.

She said that their mother, Carol Kaspar, returned to the theater just after 8 p.m. to pick up her son. She looked around but could not find him. Huntington said an attendant told their mother that he appeared to be asleep in the front row of the screening room, the film having ended several minutes before that.

David Kaspar was found to be unresponsive. Paramedics were called to the scene and he was taken to the hospital. Monroe County Coroner David Toumey said deputy coroner Nicole Meyer pronounced Kaspar dead at 9:26 p.m. Toumey said he died of natural causes.

Huntington said that though her brother was overweight, he did not show signs of any serious health problems.

How terribly sad, but this is what I took away from it:  Enchanted isn't as good as everyone says and I really need to make sure I get my butt to the gym everyday!