It was exactly a year ago that God laid it on my heart to adopt. When I see he laid it on my heart, you have to understand where I was before this occurred.
I had just turned 30 (by 5 days) and was upset that certain things had not happened in my life. I was single. Not just single, it had been six months since I'd had a date. The last date was so horrible I decided to not date for a very looong time. If that wasn't bad enough my OB/GYN had told me I needed to get pregnant by the time I was 30 or it would likely not happen for me. More than anything in life, I wanted a family but I didn't see it happening for me.
I've known since I was 8 years old that I would adopt--God had planted that seed very early in my heart. I knew it would be from China even though at the time China did not have an adoption program. My entire life I have made it known to my family that I would be adopting, but I never thought I would do it as a single parent. It's funny for me to look back at it now, but I can remember arguing with my mom last summer. She was urging me to look into adoption, but I was so adamantly opposed to being a single parent that I wouldn't/couldn't hear her. That is why I know that God laid it on my heart, I was so dead set against it.
On September 4th, 2006, I was sitting at my kitchen table while flipping through the newspaper. My eyes caught a glimpse of an ad for an upcoming adoption seminar. I looked at it again. My heart flipped and then started beating faster. I went to my computer and looked up the website provided in the ad and as I read I knew without a doubt that I was going to be a mother to a daughter from China. As I read, I wept and I felt the pain and anger melt away and a deep peace came over me. I knew, in that moment, my life would never be the same.
Over the next few weeks I spent every available minute researching different adoption agencies. I narrowed it down to a few that I liked and I began e-mailing and calling them. With the exception of FTIA, each agency that I contacted would not talk to me once they learned I was single. Even FTIA told me that they felt the CCAA would be closing the program to single women so they would not be accepting any applicants.
I kept telling myself that I could not adopt at that time. I was broke! I had just bought a house and it needed a considerable amount of fixing up , not to mention the heat or AC didn't work. I told myself I would use the next year to save up my money and that I would apply the following fall. Fortunately for me, God nagged at me. I simply couldn't get any rest! Every waking thought was of this girl in China. Even my dreams were filled with images of this round faced Chinese girl looking at me. It was like a rash that I couldn't soothe with any amount of ointment. Finally on October 4th, I was at work and en route to Washington and it just kept nagging at me. I pulled off the road, opened my journal and wrote, "ok, I give in. I'm going to go for it. I'm not going to save my money. I'm going to take the very next opportunity that I can to adopt from China. If you open the door, I will go through it". It's worth mentioning that just two days prior I had e-mailed FTIA again about single adoptive parents and was told "I'm sorry. We don't think we are ever going to open it to singles to adopt. We are expecting an announcement about this from the CCAA at any time."
Even though I conceded and was going to pursue the adoption, I still felt this nagging. All day this nagging that I needed to get to my computer. Sherry and Rosa were scheduled to come over for dinner so I didn't have a chance to check my computer before they arrived, but once they left later that evening, I looked up FTIA's website and saw these glorious words: FTIA is pleased to announce that we are now accepting a limited number of applications from single applicants for our China program. The door was opened! I was so excited...my hands shook as I called my parents and then Michael to tell them the news. I filled out the application, but it was rather messy because my hands were still shaking. I was going to put it in the regular mail, but the next day decided I should run to the post office and have it overnighted. Before I left I grabbed my camera. While I waited in line I asked the woman in front of me if she would take a picture of me dropping (pretending) my application in the mail. She asked why, and I told her my story. When I finished she asked for my name. After I told her she proceeded to tell me that she had always long
ed for children, but for whatever reason wasn't able to have children until late in life. When she finally did have a child, she was developmentally disabled. It didn't matter she said, she was the light of my life. She told me that she would pray for me and my child. Even now as I remember that woman, it still brings tears to my eyes.The following day, a Friday, I received a call from FTIA reporting that they had received my application and had a few concerns about my congenital defect and about a speeding ticket I had received (are you freakin' kidding me???). They were going to discuss it with the director and get back to me on Monday. Talk about the longest weekend of my life, that was it! This was the same weekend that I met my FCC families for the first time at the Autumn Moon Festival. It was such a positive place to be and looking at all their children gave me hope. On Monday, at 10 am as I was once again driving to Washington, I got paged by FTIA. I was in!!!!! With tears running down my face I proceeded to call Sherry, my mom and my sister. What an incredible moment!
So, that's my Born in My Heart Story. It's long, but it will always be amazing and beautiful to me. My life has become so much richer since starting down this path. My mom wisely told me to document the entire process and I have. I have included a photo of me filling out my application for FTIA and mailing it the next day at this little tiny neighborhood post office.
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