Mama's Musings

I watched 3:10 to Yuma on Saturday and despite the fact that I am not a great fan of westerns, it was really an incredible movie. Even though the movie has been out for several weeks, the theatre was PACKED. For those who want to see the movie and haven't yet, you may not want to continue reading. The story is about a down on his luck rancher, Dan Evans, who has lost the respect of his family. He's the guy that is always turning the other cheek and not wanting to create problems. While out herding up his cattle he comes across a bloody stage coach robbery/massacre orchestrated by Ben Wade. Wade is wanted for the loss of an untold number of lives and financial losses upwards $400,000. Wade allows Evans and his sons to go free, but Evans meets up with him again later and decides to help transport him to the 3:10 train to Yuma (to be hung at the prison there). Everyone involved knows this is going to be a dangerous situation because Wade's posse is going to be coming to rescue him. In that sense it is a typical western, but there are subtle character nuances throughout the film that give it a tenderness not typical of other action or western films. I think it actually belongs to a new category of films that I refer to as "dick flicks or dic flics" that are designed with male bonding and emotion in mind. These are different than the buddy cop genre of the '80s because the movie rests solely on the emotional connection between two men. Think, Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle in Reign Over Me. So, if you are going to use the term, at least understand what it means or I'll call you out for improper use! Anyway, back to the movie...there are a couple of things that I took away from the movie. One, not all bad guys are all bad and not all good guys are all good. Most of us have a little of both, but it depends on which one is nurtured more. Two, the relationship between Evans and his oldest son. The son, Will, had lost respect for his father years ago and at age 14 was feeling like more of a man than his father. What does it mean to be a father to a son? What things do you want them to believe about you and how do you instill those same values in your son? Yesterday at church I discussed the movie with a man who has 2 boys that are about 10 and 8 years old and he brought up the same point: what does it mean to be a father?
To flip this, what does it mean for me to be a mother to MayLing? What things do I want her to believe about me and what things do I want instilled in her as she becomes a woman? I do want her to respect and expect respect. Unfortunately she won't have a father and she won't see every day how a man is supposed to treat a woman (very important since women that are abused or neglected by their fathers tend to seek out those relationships with men in adulthood), but she will see me interact with men (hey, it could happen, I might start dating...don't laugh!). She will be around my dad and around the family that I have adopted: Uncle Mike, Uncle Marshall, Grandpa Tony and Grandpa Fil and so she will have positive male role models and relationships. Unlike the fathers, I won't have the pressure of wanting her to look up to me and be a hero. It's definitely something that has given me pause and that I plan to explore more: what things can I pass on to her that will equip her to be a woman in the world?