Lotus Fest Rocks!!!

I feel sorry for people that don't live in B-town and don't get a chance to experience Lotus Festival the way that we do. Actually, I feel sorriest for those that live here and don't go! It's the most incredible event of the year, even if you don't pay to go to the concerts of the festivities. Here's a little run down of my Lotus weekend. I didn't take my camera with me (I'll correct that next year) so you'll just have to click on this Herald Times link to see the photos of the artists. I'm telling you...it was incredible!

First up, Alasdair Fraser and Natalie Haas--from Scotland performing Celtic traditional music with fiddle and cello. When they started playing a miracle occurred. Without ever leaving my seat, I was transported to Scotland again and I could feel the tears start behind my eyes. It was just as I remembered from the last time I was there and had attended a party at one of the hotels in Highlands. It was amazing!







Next up: the Dhoad Gypsies from Rajasthan. Equally impressive, they had a fire eater that would literally drink kerosene and hold a torch to his mouth. He had flames shooting all over the tent and it was toasty in there! He also was a belly dancer (yes, men can be belly dancers!) and he balanced heavy items on his head while he danced, oh, and he did it while standing on the sharp end of a blade or on a bed of nails. Cool guy.




Next: March Fourth Marching Band
Another really cool group...we all parched in a parade with them down Kirkwood. They are part Mardi Gras, part Afro-Latin and very groovy, baby. Picture high school marching band gone very, very bad...or good, depending on your perspective.



Next: Amazones

These women (and one man) were incredible. They were named for the women warriors of the ancient kingdom of Dahomey. These women were huge...I doubt any was much under 5'10" or 200 lbs. And they danced not carrying what jiggled or shook. Very empowering. They played djembe drums, which in their country of Guinea, West Africa, was not allowed of women. To read their story and understand what it took for them to come this far, it is to understand fear and empowerment. Wow.

Next: 17 Hippies
Wow, I was dancing. In a tent. With people I didn't know. That's how groovin' they kept it. They are from Germany, but embrace multiple musical genres and sing in German, French, and English. Their songs cover Eastern melodies, Balkan Rhythms, French chanson, Jewish traditional and Cajun tunes. It was awesome and they had instruments I had never seen before. There aren't 17 of them and they aren't hippies, but who cares?


By the time I saw Chic Gamine, a French Canadian group doing world acapella, I was so exhausted I could barely move. I was just glad to find an empty seat in the church and sit for a while. They did incredible things with their voices and were able to transport us from French to Spanish to Africa. Pretty impressive for a bunch of girls from the plains of Manitoba.




After walking through all the venues and soaking in the people I came to one conclusion: Lesbians are the new black. Bloomington is a very diverse polulation, but it isn't restricted to the homelands of the people that now reside here, it is also home to one of the largest gay communities in the U.S. Yes, right here in the US. In one this year's spring issues of Oprah's magazine O, she had statistics in the magazine and one of the stats involved B-town. According to the last census report, a whooping 55% of residents in Bloomington are single. Before all you single gals reading this get excited, I also need to point out that Bloomington has the highest gay population per capita in the US. Yes, per capita we have more queens here than San Fran. The reason we have such a large group of singles....drum roll please....gays can't marry. I have been attending Lotus Festival for the last 6 years and this year I saw the largest turn out of lesbians ever which I think is why they are the new black (you know the whole clothing marketing catch phrase a few years ago...pink, it's the new black, or my personal favorite, 30 is the new 20). I saw lesbians from 15 years-old up to about 65 years old. No kidding. I didn't mind so much, except that during the Amazones concert a couple of them tried to bump and grind on me (I think it was because I was in a mosh pit of lesbians). Evidently the new marketing has worked (and yes, our town does market to the GBLT population) because the gay men were definitely outnumbered this year. Not that I mind necessarily, but I didn't care for all the PDA...and before you start hating me and leaving hate comments, let me just say this: if I'm not getting any lovin' I don't want see any lovin' between anybody else. You find me a nice boyfriend and I might change my stance here.

Freedom's Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose...

Today is my last day of freedom--I return to the working world at 7:30 am Monday morning. Since I likely won't have a chance to post again until Sunday or Monday (the Lotus Festival is in town and I will be involved tonight and tomorrow night) I wanted to share some of my thoughts about my unemployment, things that I am thankful for and other things that I noticed.

• Being without a job is scary. No amount of assurances from friends are family diminish that fact. It doesn't matter if you are over qualified for a job, there is no guarantee they will call you. Look at me--it took BH over 8 weeks from the time I applied to the time they offered and it was a full 10 weeks from my end time to start time.
  
• Being jobless is a very isolating affair. Because my money was so limited I didn't feel free to go out window shopping or go out to dinner with friends. My only outings were when I went out on Saturdays and Sundays. Thank God for phone calls from Mom and Terri because otherwise I would go days without talking to anyone. It's also hard to leave the house because you keep waiting for one of the places you applied to call you. Even though I always included a cell phone number, no one ever called it. So, if a friend of yours suddenly becomes unemployed, please reach out. Don't invite them to things that cost money (unless you are paying), but try to get them out of the house. Invite them to dinner at your house, take them for a walk, have movie night at your house and rent some light-hearted fare. That's the other problem with unemployment--too much time spent in your own head. I have spent too much time reading the news and that's scary. I have spent way too much time on-line, not just cruising careerbuilders or monster.com, but reading RQ and reading other people's adoption blogs. It's too much input and not enough output.
  
• Your food expenses go up. I wasn't eat out for lunch as I had before, but suddenly I was looking at increased Kroger expenses.
  
• You do less laundry. As a kid I would alternate between 2 outfits all summer long. By the end of the summer they would both be in shreds. Same thing this summer. The only thing in my laundry basket was undies and whichever outfit I wasn't wearing.
  
• You keep the house a lot cleaner.
  
• You have more unannounced visitors because everyone knows where you are.
• Your neighbors start talking...why is she home day after day? Did she win the lottery?
  
• You are more rested and have energy to do things you haven't done before.
  
• You find your natural sleep cycle. For me, I have always been a night owl and from the first day I lost my job through tomorrow night (when Lotus ends) I have gone to bed at 2 am or later and I get up around 9-10 am. I'm not lazy, I've actually been much more productive.
• I'm so thankful for having the time to get things done around the house before MayLing comes home. Chances are I would never have done even a fraction in the next year. Let me see if I can remember everything that was done--painted the mantel, painted some shelves, sanded and stained a table and chairs, started and finished my landscaping in the front, painted the shutters, painted the front door and the milk cans (long story), finished painting the nursery and assembled all the furniture, painted all my bedroom furniture. The only thing left to do is the mural in the nursery and painting the spare bedroom. I'm still hoping some strong man will want to help me move the furniture in there so I can start that.
  
• When you are without a job, you are no longer tethered to life as you know it. How many of us would love to travel or get involved in new activities, but we can't because we have a job? Have you ever just wanted to get in your car and drive west as far as you could, but you couldn't because you would have to turn around at some point and return to your normally scheduled life? When you don't have a job (and family as well) there is a certain amount of freedom that allows--you have lost what gives you ability to live your life, so you are forced to examine life a bit different. In doing so, you really have nothing left to lose and that realization gives you a tremendous amount of freedom.
• You question every purchase...even bubble gum. Do I really need it? What else can I put that $1.29 towards?
  
• I have developed a nervous tic. I'm assuming it's a nervous tic because it wasn't there until after I lost my job. It was also present the first few months the last time I started a new job. It's too creepy--I have a tic in my right eye lid. As long as I look straight-ahead things are hunky-dory, the moment I look down, as if to read a book, it starts spasming like a sugared up child with ADD. So it's fun to read a book because I can't look down (which is how I normally read). Now I lay on my back and put the book in front of my face. Yeah, it's all about adaptation.
• You go through a boat-load of asswipe. I'm not kidding. I'm going through a roll of the Cottonelle double rolls every 2-3 days, sometimes more. Makes me wonder how much I was costing my employer to use the bathroom.
  

Woo-hoo! Right now it is taking them about 3-4 weeks to finish reviewing each month. Since there aren't anymore big LID groups between August '06 and February '07, they should finish reviewing my dossier sometime in the next 6 months. Of course, matching is a whole different story. No one seems to be able to predict how long that is going to take. Congrats to all those who made it through review!

Autumn Moon Festival--part II

Last night I attended our local FCC's Autumn Moon Festival. The turn out was a bit less than I expected, but a very big storm hit minutes before we were to meet and knocked out power and knocked down a number of tree limbs and trees. Even in my own neighborhood the road was closed last night...I think something to do with power lines.

I had such a great time with the girls! I have included two photos. In the one photo we have the girls gathered somewhat (can you just picture their Red Couch moment in Guangzhou). After eating a wonderful meal and playing and running and screeching, we corralled them into a circle to give them their lanterns. In the other photos is little Laynie. Although she is quite tall, she is only 2 years old. Last year at the Moon Fest, her parents had just received her referral. It's amazing to see how much she has changed! Laynie and I had a great time painting together, although neither one of us made it out of there without paint on us!

Updates
My two favorite moments were with Laynie and Li Mei (tall girl with long hair on right side of bottom photo). When I was helping Laynie with her painting I don't think she was paying attention to WHO was helping, but at one point she looked up and smiled that crazy grin of hers and said "hi!". I don't know why, but it just melted my heart. Although Li Mei is nearly 5 she is still light as a feather and loves to wrap her legs around my waist and be carried around. At one point she looks at me and asked, "How are your teeth so clean?" I laughed after that one, but inside I was thinking, "I guess those white strips really do work".

Autumn Moon Festival

I don't have the time to go into the history of the Autumn Moon Festival, but I wanted to share my experiences with the festival. In 2005 I was in San Francisco and convinced Tony and Fil to join me in Chinatown for the festival. Obviously in that town it is a big deal and even the mayor turned out for the festivities. The photo I have attached is a picture of the mayor...nice looking guy, too bad I can't show you his face.

Last year I joined my local FCC for Autumn Moon Festival. I had sent my application in to FTIA that week and on Friday was told they had some questions about it and would call me back on Monday. It was the longest weekend of my life and I was so thankful to meet all the adoptive parents with these beautiful children from China. One family had just been sent their referral and at the time I couldn't quite grasp how momentous that was (hello...self centered over here just worrying about my adoption application). It's amazing for me to now see her a year later and how much she has grown and changed. The funny thing is that as we all looked over her photos and evaluated every face she made we all decided that she looked like a pretty stubborn kid. Sure enough, she is!

Tonight I am joining my FCC families once again, but things have changed dramatically since last year. Last year I was stressed and nervous, this year I can relax and enjoy everyone. I especially love playing with the kids and looking at all the "gotcha day" photos. It reminds me that some day I will be the one in the that room in China that has her name called.

Mama's Musings

I watched 3:10 to Yuma on Saturday and despite the fact that I am not a great fan of westerns, it was really an incredible movie. Even though the movie has been out for several weeks, the theatre was PACKED. For those who want to see the movie and haven't yet, you may not want to continue reading. The story is about a down on his luck rancher, Dan Evans, who has lost the respect of his family. He's the guy that is always turning the other cheek and not wanting to create problems. While out herding up his cattle he comes across a bloody stage coach robbery/massacre orchestrated by Ben Wade. Wade is wanted for the loss of an untold number of lives and financial losses upwards $400,000. Wade allows Evans and his sons to go free, but Evans meets up with him again later and decides to help transport him to the 3:10 train to Yuma (to be hung at the prison there). Everyone involved knows this is going to be a dangerous situation because Wade's posse is going to be coming to rescue him. In that sense it is a typical western, but there are subtle character nuances throughout the film that give it a tenderness not typical of other action or western films. I think it actually belongs to a new category of films that I refer to as "dick flicks or dic flics" that are designed with male bonding and emotion in mind. These are different than the buddy cop genre of the '80s because the movie rests solely on the emotional connection between two men. Think, Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle in Reign Over Me. So, if you are going to use the term, at least understand what it means or I'll call you out for improper use! Anyway, back to the movie...there are a couple of things that I took away from the movie. One, not all bad guys are all bad and not all good guys are all good. Most of us have a little of both, but it depends on which one is nurtured more. Two, the relationship between Evans and his oldest son. The son, Will, had lost respect for his father years ago and at age 14 was feeling like more of a man than his father. What does it mean to be a father to a son? What things do you want them to believe about you and how do you instill those same values in your son? Yesterday at church I discussed the movie with a man who has 2 boys that are about 10 and 8 years old and he brought up the same point: what does it mean to be a father?
To flip this, what does it mean for me to be a mother to MayLing? What things do I want her to believe about me and what things do I want instilled in her as she becomes a woman? I do want her to respect and expect respect. Unfortunately she won't have a father and she won't see every day how a man is supposed to treat a woman (very important since women that are abused or neglected by their fathers tend to seek out those relationships with men in adulthood), but she will see me interact with men (hey, it could happen, I might start dating...don't laugh!). She will be around my dad and around the family that I have adopted: Uncle Mike, Uncle Marshall, Grandpa Tony and Grandpa Fil and so she will have positive male role models and relationships. Unlike the fathers, I won't have the pressure of wanting her to look up to me and be a hero. It's definitely something that has given me pause and that I plan to explore more: what things can I pass on to her that will equip her to be a woman in the world?

Why Men Shouldn't Take Messages

I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself...this is too funny. Seriously, I have nothing but love for the fellas, but we do hear and understand things a bit differently.

Yeah, I think it's about time to return to work

I had to sleep on the couch last night because I have been painting me bedroom furniture and the room is all torn up. I think it may be time for me to return to work because each time I woke up during the night, the cat was sitting on the back of the couch just staring at me. Gotta tell you, it was really starting to creep me out. I don't believe in the wives tale about cats stealing kids breath, but I am starting to wonder if she was trying to steal my soul. My cat and I have been roomies for 8 years now, but we have never spent this much time together. Poor thing will be glad to have the house back to herself again.

So I'm sanding down my bedroom furniture with its 50+ years of paint and I realize that I am likely sanding through lead paint. Granted, I did have my face mask on, but I got to wondering what all it would do to me at this point? With the hubbub with China exporting lead laced toys I started wondering about the toys I played with as a kid. Were they safe? Probably not. But if the lead-free toys that our kids are playing with today are so much better, why have the incidences of autism and ADD/ADHD skyrocketed in recent years? Could it be that we are simply adding so many extra things to our environment in the sake of convenience that these things are actually the cause of our children's problems? I don't know if it is the chemicals in my dry cleaning, the additives in my canned food, the fake fat in my healthy cuisine or hormones in my meat that are contributing to the problem. But to be honest, the lead in the toys (as well as the lead in the paint in my house) are really low on my list of worries at this point. Just my opinion.

That's right, I'm tracking you peeps

Please, don't hate me for putting the map up (if you look closely it's in 2 places now!) Actually, I couldn't help myself...I love geography and it's so interesting so see where people are that are reading. I'm trying to figure out who some of my readers, you can feel free to remain anonymous but if you want to post a comment to help me out I'd love that!
Janesville--Kris (duh, she is the one that left her name...how bright am I today?)
Grand Rapids--could that be you, Terri?
Indianapolis--I'm guessing that is Shasta
Kentucky--Maybe Melissa?

Not sure about my OH readers....hints?

Ugggh, I'm so sick of painting

Actually, that's not entirely true. I enjoy painting, but I am really hating painting my bedroom furniture. I'm not strong enough to drag it all out to the living room to paint, so I am trying to paint the furniture while still in my bedroom. I've got the drawers piled up everywhere. I have paint in my hair and on my hands and on my arm. Can't wait to explain that one. So, I'm feeling a bit cranky because I won't be able to sleep in my own bed tonight. I'll be stuck on the couch inhaling the fumes from the crappy, eco-friendly, non-toxic, odor-free paint stripper that I put on my bureau. A really bad idea. I had to strip it because when I painted it last year the paint began to peel immediately. Well, it really looks like a disaster and I have no idea how I'm going to get every little speck of paint off. I wish I had a sander. I guess I'll put it on my Christmas list. Next week I'm going to attempt to paint the last remaining bedroom. Hopefully it will go better than this!

Look who I found in MayLing's crib! Evidently Siva is taking advantage of the open door policy. Now that the room is finished, I leave it open during the day because it has great light. Maybe I'll have to rethink this...

A Change Will Do You Good

I never would have left Select on my own. I had finally obtained a raise and even though I was bored and getting very frustrated, I had saved up 2 months of maternity leave and wasn't about to walk away from that! I am very grateful for the new job though. It has benefits that Select didn't have: no more traveling every day, cheaper insurance and discounts on all hospital products, flex scheduling, and on site day care for a reduced rate. How great is that? According to the other analysts the job will keep me busy and since it takes several years to actually feel competent, I should stave off the 4 year itch for a while. I think this is going to be a really great thing.

I am back to baking up a storm. I just can't help myself. I was up until 2 am baking pumpkin bread (so yummy...I had some for breakfast), apple butter (which I put on the yummy pumpkin bread) and a sour dough bread starter. My stove and oven will be glad when I return to work. The poor things are really getting a work out.

Speaking of working out, I have been working out like a fiend. I lifted weights for quite a while last night at the gym and at 5 AM I woke up with incredible pain anytime I moved my right shoulder. It didn't feel muscular, but it did feel better after some naprosyn. Yowza, that hurt. My legs are finally recovered from the fire tower.
Michael took me there on Saturday, but I gotta tell you, the older I get the more I dislike heights. My leg muscles actually froze up while I was on the 6 flight of stairs. I would say it's a combination of being out of shape and attempting to hold my breath out of fear. It was gorgeous though. I watched the sun set over the entire valley....it's perfectly quiet up there and I didn't even notice the sounds of birds (probably because we were up further than the birds!). Hopefully going up there repeatedly will help with my fear of heights. Regardless, in the words of Goldmember my body is getting toight, toight like a tiger, toight like Austin Power's fajah. If you don't get the reference check out Austin Powers III.

....and the beat goes on--I have a job!!!

Ok, my apologizes to those who check in everyday. Normally I'm quite good about regular updates, especially when I have exciting news. However, there were a few people that I wanted to tell in person (as opposed to them reading it on here and ruining my surprise--and yes, Suzi, I mean you!).

On Friday afternoon I received a phone around 1:30 from the HR department telling me they were very interested in me for the analyst position in the clinical informatics department. She said they had a few more things to do before they could offically offer the job to me. Well, less than an hour later she called again and offered me the job!!! yeah!!!!! Evidently Kurt checks his e-mail even more obsessively than I check mine and he CALLED HR to give them an employment reference for me. What a great guy!

I'm very excited. I went in for my employment physical today. It's a little different than the last time I worked there. This time it was height/weight (yikes), vital signs, urine specimen (for drug screening) and a blood test. It seems I forgot to get a titer after the last Hep B booster I received. They are also testing to see if I have a latex allergy since I am apparently allergic to everything else. They should have the results before I start work. Speaking of which, my first day is October 1st. I have orientation for 1-2 days and then I start at my new job. It's been so long since I started a new job---it's very exciting!

I guess my baking and home improvement projects are coming to a close. I'm sad about that because I have really enjoyed my home time, but it will also be good to have a steady paycheck! Unfortunately I will go 25 days without any pay so things are going to be a bit tiiiigggghhhhtt budget wise.

Suzy Freakin' Homemaker

I had the strange realization today that I would be the perfect housewife. Yeah, kind of a bizarre thought when you aren't married and unemployed. Amazingly the house is still freakishly clean so I began baking. Yep, it's incredible. I don't know where I got this from because I don't think my mom would say she enjoys melting over a hot stove. Anyway, I made more banana bread, homemade applesauce and I'm going to try to make apple butter. It's nice and cool outside and it makes me think of my favorite fall foods. If anybody has any zucchini, I'd love some so I can turn it into bread!

Still waiting for "the call"

I finally got a phone call from the HR department...they are having trouble verifying my employment reference (well, duh, we went out of business) and wanted to speak to Kurt, my CEO. I can't remember his cell phone number so there is a message waiting for him at home and I emailed his butt. Hopefully he's not out of town for too long (he's now traveling for Select) or maybe his wife will call. Crossing my fingers still.....

Happy Birthday, Chennie!

I just learned two days ago that Chennie found my blog by googling her name. She's been following my adoption journey, as well as my many other rants, while at work :) For those of you that don't know Chennie, she is part of my extended family in Hong Kong and I was there visiting her at the beginning of the year as she married Peter. I wish I knew how to link you to that post, but just go to the beginning of the year and you'll see her and her family. Chennie and her mom will be accompaning my mother and me when in China to meet MayLing. Happy Birthday, Chennie!!

You when that feeling when you hit the wall and you don't think you can take any more? Yeah, that happened this week. On Monday I spent the day cleaning. And because I had so much time on my hands I vaccuumed. Twice. Yep, I vaccuumed my carpets twice. I wiped down the walls, vaccuumed base boards and crown molding throughout the entire house. Those of you that know me know that I really don't spend as much time as I need to cleaning. By Tuesday night I was so stir crazy and stressed that I didn't know what to do. So I started calling people and this was my message: I'm so freakin' bored I can't take anymore. Fortunately Tony was home when I called and he so graciously offered to take me on a bike ride. My two fun goals for this summer were 1. Take a ride in a jeep and 2. Take a ride on a motorcycle. The first was accomplished earlier this summer when Kara took me for a cruise in her jeep. Just a few days after setting my fun goals, Tony called to tell me he was buying a motorcyle. Yes!

He picked me up and we went on a 2 hour drive throughout southern Monroe County including the lake.
It was gorgeous. It was so healing for my soul as we cruised into the valley of the lake on 446. The lake was on both sides of the highway and the sun was just beginning to set and was shooting orange, red, and pink into the sky. I think it was at that moment I knew everything was going to be ok.

Yesterday felt like my birthday all over again. It was my 7-month LID and I received a phone call bright and early from the company (from now on will be referred to as BH) that I want to work for. They wanted me to come in for yet another round of interviews. That was the answer I needed and I decided not to call about the wellness director job. They wanted an answer by Wednesday, but it was too horrible to even think about. I'm so glad I didn't have to call and actually ask for the job. That would have felt awful. I went in for my third, and hopefully final, round of interviews at BH today. It was great. I spent 4 horus there! Yep, they need to put me on payroll now. As I arrived home Tony called to tell me that they were calling for references. Yippeee!! Hopefully I will hear something from HR tomorrow.

7 Month LID

It has been exactly 7 months since China officially registered my dossier and put me in line for my daughter. Seven months. When I first began this journey I was told that the wait time for a child was 12-14 months. So, if things had continued the way they were supposed to, I would be half way through my wait, but I am not. That's fine actually since I don't have a job. I do wonder how long it will take before I get the call.

1. There are seven days in the week and we use this abbreviation (24/7) waaaaaay too much.
2. There is a theory about the "magic number 7". Evidently humans can only process 7 bits of information (+2/-2) at a time. Who cares? Who studies this stuff and why?
3. Phone numbers consist of 7 digits if you don't include the area code.
4. Bond. James Bond. Need I say more? (ok, for those of you heathens that don't watch movies, James Bond was known as Agent 007)
5. There are 7 Harry Potter books and I own a copy of each.
6. 7 is the atomic number for nitrogen.
7. The proposed name for George's first born child on Seinfeld. Evidently this sounded attractive to some parents because musicians Andre 3000 and Erykah Badu named their child Seven.

Wow, once you start looking, 7 can be found anywhere.

New Features

I have added a new feature to my blog that can be found in the upper right of the page. I will try to include various stories about China that find their way to me. I will try to find stories that are uplifting, but also some that highlight the issues that have created unwanted female children in China or the results of the one child (read, one son) laws. It is sad, but it is true.

I have also renamed my blog. When I first began I didn't have a clue what I was doing or what I was going to use this blog for. Initially I thought it would become a place to keep my friends and family updated on the adoption process so that I wasn't having to repeat myself constantly. I was starting to feel like a Chatty Cathy doll...pull my string and the exact same words came out of my mouth. Well, this blog has evolved into a journal of sorts for me. I realize that I probably share way too much with folks, but maybe that is ok. So, I changed the name from "MayLing" to "The Mad Musings of MayLing's Mama". I don't mean mad as in grrrh, I'm so angry. No, mad in this sense is for crazy, demented, frenzied, whatever you want to put in there. Oh, heck, I used the word because I liked the alliteration of all the mama sounds.

Well, I have, for the most part, enjoyed my summer vacation. I have reverted to childhood when I would get out of bed and basically put on one of two of the same outfits I would wear all summer long. By the end of the summer they would both be tattered and threadbare. Well, today I pulled on my shorts and tank (just as I did yesterday and the day before) and went outside to find the newspaper. HOLY CRAP, who turned on the air conditioning?!? It's cold out there! We were from unbearable 95 a week ago to 62 as of 11:30 AM today. Wow.

I mowed my grass last night for the first time since I lost my job in July. We finally received some rain--two rain showers on Friday and another two on Saturday. As I mowed last night I couldn't help but think, is my job drought over? I am still submitting applications and I have had one offer (please see Friday's blog for more information). I am still hoping and praying that the job I really want is offered. I have an insider checking for me today. Somehow I feel that this is going to get played out until the very last possible moment.

As I looked at my yard yesterday I couldn't help but think that my neighbors might finally be jealous of my yard. Not because of all the landscaping or trees and plants I have planted. I think it is because they all had nice lush green grass that turned to brown dust weeks ago, while my mostly weeded yard is still nice and green. Yep, sometimes it's not the grass that is greener on the other side.

Interesting Story

I just read this story and thought it was very moving. Click on the link to read about how a 15 year-old girl born in Peru and adopted in the US is working to improve the lives of the orphans left behind.

Other news, the CCAA updated their site again today (well, it is Monday morning in China right now). Last Sunday they updated also and had matched babies with families of a log in date of November 21-25, 2005. Yep, they are still more than a year from even reaching me. Today they updated those that had gone through the review room. They just finished July 2006 so they have to clear another 6 months before they reach me. Of course, it may be up to a year before I get matched. Just so you know.

I Love my friends

Ok, no secret the last few days have sucked for me. There are more factors at play than what I have mentioned, but I probably don't need to shout those out. Tony knew that I was feeling bad and invited me to family dinner tonight. We used to have our Sunday dinners quite frequently, but this summer has been busy for all of us. Tony and Fil's dinners are legendary and something that probably seems quite simple to them tastes exquiste for the rest of us. Tonight was no exception. I won't go into detail (I don't want you drooling on your keyboard because I am NOT responsible for any malfunctions that may occur). I try to include photos of my friends, but for some reason I have kept Tony and Fil hidden from you, but they are quite dear to me. They are family in a way that I can not explain. We are not bonded by blood or similarities, but we are family none the less. As Tony left the house this evening (see, I'm not even considered a guest. He left before I did) he kissed my forehead and gave me a hug and told me to call him before I started feeling so miserable again. Thanks for the reminder, Tony!

Here is a photo of the 3 of us in San Francisco a couple of years ago. Aren't we cute?!?

My Gutters Just Fell Off

Ok, life isn't feeling so grand right now. We have finally had our first real rain in over 7 weeks and what happens? It tears my gutters off the back end of the house. Yep, my gutters are now resting on my shed. Anyone out there know of anyone reasonable priced for gutter repair/replacement?

Bad Day

It's been an exceptionally bad day. I had my interview this morning and it was everything I expected and more. In fact, the very first line of the job description states "wellness director must be available 24/7". Are you kidding me? That's a prison sentence. I've been there, done that as they say. I remember the last time I had a job like that--I had no life, no friends, no boyfriend (although I don't have one now, at least I have the time for one), and no family time. I gained weight, my hair fell out and I was sick all the time. She was honest and admitted they have had a complete staff turn over and are very short staffed and that employees are working 7 days a week for 10 hours a day. The really great thing is that it is salaried so I wouldn't get paid for any of the overtime. Sounds like fun, eh? I keep telling myself that at least it is a job and it will pay the bills, but I'll be honest...I've already told Sherry that if I do take the job I'm going to have to store all my items with sharp edges are her house (that's a joke, I'm not really going to slash my wrists). They were so excited to interview me and really want me to commit to them ASAP. I guess I am a good actress because they couldn't see the tears on the inside. Just the thought of taking that job makes me feel panicky and trapped. I'm really not sure it is worth it. Say a prayer that something else comes along in the next few days because they want an answer by Wednesday. I've been in a funk since the interview. I just returned from the gym...I guess I thought I could beat the funk out of me, but no, I still feel trapped and miserable.

Job Updates

Ok, here it is in a nutshell: I'm still unemployed. I had my job shadow on Tuesday for the job I really want. It went really well and I think I would like the work. The interim director was out of town until today so I wasn't able to follow up with her, but the person that I shadowed with said she was going to e-mail her and recommend me for the position. Yeah! That's always good to hear. She also said that no one else has job shadowed and that my name has already come up a couple of times. Evidently she and Kathy, another Chinese adoptive mom and the one who told me about the job, are advocating for me. Yippeee!

Yesterday I spoke to HR about the position and they still don't know what is going on. The HR person told me that they might try to fill the interim director position before filling the analyst position. Uggghhh. That position has been open since May and according to the person I shadowed with the company has hired a national head hunter and so far only 1 applicant has interviewed. Ugggh. Just HIRE ME ALREADY.

Because my pay and benefits run out in little over 2 weeks, I've really got to get something set up. I sent out more resumes today and got a call this afternoon for a wellness director position. I hate to say it, but I don't want that job. I want the other job, my job (did you hear the whine in my voice? If not, read that line over again). So I have an interview tomorrow morning. It's strange...I'm trying so hard to get out of healthcare. I've applied for far more non-healthcare related positions and yet the healthcare companies are the only ones that are calling. Uggghhh.

On a non-job related subject, I've been busy at home. I lived in my apartment for 7 years, but it wasn't until I had lived there about 4 years that I finally started putting art work and pictures up. I guess I wanted to know it was permanent. Well, I haven't hung anything here since moving in May 2006. Mostly because I had to paint all these walls and I didn't want to put any holes in them! Well, yesterday I finally started hanging up my art. I looked around and realized that the majority of it was from China. I should mention that I haven't bought any of it. It's all been gifts from others. I do have some African masks that I also hung, but I think I need to stretch beyond China and Hong Kong. I hope to someday adopt a son from Vietnam so I should try to find things from there. Any suggestions? I also want to add some Guatemalan stuff since my adopted niece, Rosa, is from there. I know I made a distinction about her being my adopted niece, but that is because she has adopted me. Her mom and I are not related, but I see her far more often and am more involved in her life than her other aunt and uncle. I'm open to any ideas.

What a Difference a Year Makes--1 Year Anniversary Since Deciding to Adopt

It was exactly a year ago that God laid it on my heart to adopt. When I see he laid it on my heart, you have to understand where I was before this occurred.

I had just turned 30 (by 5 days) and was upset that certain things had not happened in my life. I was single. Not just single, it had been six months since I'd had a date. The last date was so horrible I decided to not date for a very looong time. If that wasn't bad enough my OB/GYN had told me I needed to get pregnant by the time I was 30 or it would likely not happen for me. More than anything in life, I wanted a family but I didn't see it happening for me.

I've known since I was 8 years old that I would adopt--God had planted that seed very early in my heart. I knew it would be from China even though at the time China did not have an adoption program. My entire life I have made it known to my family that I would be adopting, but I never thought I would do it as a single parent. It's funny for me to look back at it now, but I can remember arguing with my mom last summer. She was urging me to look into adoption, but I was so adamantly opposed to being a single parent that I wouldn't/couldn't hear her. That is why I know that God laid it on my heart, I was so dead set against it.

On September 4th, 2006, I was sitting at my kitchen table while flipping through the newspaper. My eyes caught a glimpse of an ad for an upcoming adoption seminar. I looked at it again. My heart flipped and then started beating faster. I went to my computer and looked up the website provided in the ad and as I read I knew without a doubt that I was going to be a mother to a daughter from China. As I read, I wept and I felt the pain and anger melt away and a deep peace came over me. I knew, in that moment, my life would never be the same.

Over the next few weeks I spent every available minute researching different adoption agencies. I narrowed it down to a few that I liked and I began e-mailing and calling them. With the exception of FTIA, each agency that I contacted would not talk to me once they learned I was single. Even FTIA told me that they felt the CCAA would be closing the program to single women so they would not be accepting any applicants.

I kept telling myself that I could not adopt at that time. I was broke! I had just bought a house and it needed a considerable amount of fixing up , not to mention the heat or AC didn't work. I told myself I would use the next year to save up my money and that I would apply the following fall. Fortunately for me, God nagged at me. I simply couldn't get any rest! Every waking thought was of this girl in China. Even my dreams were filled with images of this round faced Chinese girl looking at me. It was like a rash that I couldn't soothe with any amount of ointment. Finally on October 4th, I was at work and en route to Washington and it just kept nagging at me. I pulled off the road, opened my journal and wrote, "ok, I give in. I'm going to go for it. I'm not going to save my money. I'm going to take the very next opportunity that I can to adopt from China. If you open the door, I will go through it". It's worth mentioning that just two days prior I had e-mailed FTIA again about single adoptive parents and was told "I'm sorry. We don't think we are ever going to open it to singles to adopt. We are expecting an announcement about this from the CCAA at any time."

Even though I conceded and was going to pursue the adoption, I still felt this nagging. All day this nagging that I needed to get to my computer. Sherry and Rosa were scheduled to come over for dinner so I didn't have a chance to check my computer before they arrived, but once they left later that evening, I looked up FTIA's website and saw these glorious words: FTIA is pleased to announce that we are now accepting a limited number of applications from single applicants for our China program. The door was opened! I was so excited...my hands shook as I called my parents and then Michael to tell them the news. I filled out the application, but it was rather messy because my hands were still shaking. I was going to put it in the regular mail, but the next day decided I should run to the post office and have it overnighted. Before I left I grabbed my camera. While I waited in line I asked the woman in front of me if she would take a picture of me dropping (pretending) my application in the mail. She asked why, and I told her my story. When I finished she asked for my name. After I told her she proceeded to tell me that she had always longed for children, but for whatever reason wasn't able to have children until late in life. When she finally did have a child, she was developmentally disabled. It didn't matter she said, she was the light of my life. She told me that she would pray for me and my child. Even now as I remember that woman, it still brings tears to my eyes.

The following day, a Friday, I received a call from FTIA reporting that they had received my application and had a few concerns about my congenital defect and about a speeding ticket I had received (are you freakin' kidding me???). They were going to discuss it with the director and get back to me on Monday. Talk about the longest weekend of my life, that was it! This was the same weekend that I met my FCC families for the first time at the Autumn Moon Festival. It was such a positive place to be and looking at all their children gave me hope. On Monday, at 10 am as I was once again driving to Washington, I got paged by FTIA. I was in!!!!! With tears running down my face I proceeded to call Sherry, my mom and my sister. What an incredible moment!

So, that's my Born in My Heart Story. It's long, but it will always be amazing and beautiful to me. My life has become so much richer since starting down this path. My mom wisely told me to document the entire process and I have. I have included a photo of me filling out my application for FTIA and mailing it the next day at this little tiny neighborhood post office.

Before and After of the House

BEFORE:

AFTER

Walkway Before:

After:

Labor Day Fun!

Now, if you are watching this video you may be wondering...did Erica go to Wisconsin again? Or, did Kristen's whole family come down to B-town? Well, the answer to both questions is NO! Kristen and her folks went to Ohio to visit her brother for the weekend and since they were in the neighborhood (technically, the neighborhood is about an hour north of here, but it's closer than 6 hours!) We met in Indy at the Waffle House/truck stop for a late breakfast. We had a great time I just thought you should all get to know Kristen's family. We will all, most likely, be traveling to China together. Thanks, Mom & Dad Stark! It was great to see you again!

Party Pics

Kara and her husband, Bill
















Denise and Shirley enjoying Fil's cake




Rosa and Fil (isn't she cute!)

















Laura (my good friend and notary) and her friend, Jennifer


















Sherry and Greg




Sorry for the delay, but my dial-up is getting progressively slower so I am over at Sherry and Marshall's house using their DSL. Here are a couple of photos from the party on Saturday:

Happy Birthday!

I really enjoy my birthdays. As a child I would look forward to presents, but as an adult I relish just spending time with my friends and family. That is the best gift ever. I have much to be thankful for this year and even though I was not expecting to lose my job, that has provided me something I didn't have before. Time. I am thankful for the time to work on things around the house, spend with with friends and family, and spend with myself.

I thought I'd show you a little of what I received this year for my birthday:
From my dear friend, Terri, up in Michigan: can you believe this loot? She knows me well...some of it is for MayLing, but the chocolate is definitely for Mama!


This is a picture of the front of my house. I will try and post the before and after pictures later, but here is the gift: mulch, landscaping, walkway, and free labor to paint the door, shutters and trim the monster bush (outside of picture frame). I love you, Mom!

Of course, you've already seen Michael's gift. And tomorrow I will try to post photos of my Birthday Bash. Yee haw!