Mail order male?

So, I was talking to Kristen tonight and we started discussing mail order husbands.  I wasn't sure they existed so I had to Google and sure enough, they do.  There are some rough looking fellas on there, mostly from the Ukraine.  If that is what they are offering, I thought I'd look into what the women were offering and this is what I found:

The Lonely American

General Information:

I do not like children. There was a slight mishap in my
last job, and let's just say that I had to spend a few
nights in jail. My addiction to pain killers only makes me
more laid back. I like to play my french horn at 2-4 a.m.,
weekdays. Can I play your french horn? Some people say
that I'm a bit "roudy" but the truth is, I just like jogging
naked. My last boyfriend was so ashamed of this habit that
he bought me a tredmill so I could do it inside.

Apperance:

I have a nice body with lots of brown moles. I do not shave
or use deoderant because they use animal oils. Small
patches of hair. Two tattoos (I'll tell you where they're
located in the letters). Both are names of ex-lovers. I
cannot remove them, otherwise I would. I weigh 150 pounds
on Mars. I wear a 36 DD cup bra.

Looking for:

I'm looking for an open-minded man. Someone who can accept
my genital warts. Appearance is not important. Maybe
someone that's hairy...short...sexy.

 

And here is what the men are offering:

General Information:

Hallo! My name Vladimir and man of 18 years. I have wife but
do not love her. I have child in secondary school 1 girl my
wife making me stay home feed child. I would like to leave
her very much so and find sexful lady. I enjoy to buke and
trampoline much and very hard to. Father being Starshina in
CCCP Red Army but they shoot for he being looting after
Ukraine indepent. I come from military family but no
military I am peace and love all the way hey! USA!

Apperance:

Before I lose hair it of sexy style. I dress prefessional in
week and "letting lose" on weekend to be sexy for dance
party in disco club. I want to dance with goodest dancer in
USA. Good are you?

Looking for:

You see I need sexful lady with romance in life and living.
I am young live fast I need fast lady to keep up with my
speedy. Must be very slim under 45 kilogram. Blonder hair
better being I see blonde is sexful and full of romantic. I
like personality to maybe you like my personality and we
"hitting it off" as say in USA!

Or how about this lovely:

General Information:

I am a retired millitary officer. I like fishing and sport
most of all.

Apperance:

I am calm and tempered man. I have two daughters but they
live together with their mother.

Looking for:

I want to meet a sexy, pretty, tall, non-smoking, not fat,
honest, clever, with a sense of humor, neat lady who wants
to become ideal and want to create a good family.

 

You know, being single is actually pretty good.  Most days I wouldn't trade it for all the Vladmirs in the world!