Night owl reversal or something else?

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am not a morning person, a day person, or in any way associated to being "bright" while the sun is shining. As a kid my parents would put me to bed around 8 pm, but I stayed up quite late playing in my bed. Long after they were asleep I was still awake and sometimes wandering the house. Well, fastforward 20+ years and nothing much has changed...until recently.

When I started the new job I started going into work around 7:30 am. Initially it was because I didn't want to be late. Then it changed into wanting to find a decent parking spot so I didn't have to be bussed in from several miles away. Last week I actually went into work at 6:30 AM. Yeah, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it when I clocked in. So, have I finally shifted my clock to daylight hours after a lifetime of fighting sleep, or is it something else? I've had a nasty sinus/bronchitis thing involving loads of mucous and other fluids you would probably not care to read about. I thought it was the post-nasal drip keeping me awake, but as this clears up and I'm still getting up early, I began to wonder. I might have blamed it on PMS, except that is normally associated with a lack of sleep. I'm actually waking up around 5-6 am feeling rested. I haven't woken up to an alarm in several weeks. At 7:30 this evening I'm calling everyone I know because I'm sitting on the couch fighting sleep. In what lifetime have I ever wanted to go to bed at 7:30???? If there are any reformed night shift people reading, I'd love to hear what you think.

PSE 5.0 Fun!

Look what I can do with my new Photoshop Elements 5!!!
I'm so excited!

I feel like a bit of a skeeze (wow, not sure where that word came from!) but I think it is justified. In the 1-2 mile radius of where I live I have a two grade schools, a middle school and a high school. In fact, all I have to do is walk to the end of my road and there is the monstrosity we refer to as "the prison". So, what is the point of this story, you ask? Well, my house is at the epicenter of all these schools so this is where all the kids come to peddle their Girl Scout cookies, Boy Scout popcorn, and whatever else they sell on behalf of their school. It's not that I'm against them selling, but what do I need this stuff for? I need another box of cookies like I need another 5 lb weight gain. Yeah, my pants are still tight after eating in Dallas for a week. Can one person really eat 5 lbs of flavoried popcorn? I'm sure I could, but I think running out of ass wipe would be the least of my worries. And what about the other trinkets and trash? I HAVE NO WHERE TO PUT IT. It was a huge undertaking to turn my junk/overflow room into a nursery and as per my pact with Kristen, I have no intention of putting any non-baby stuff back in there.

Well, I think I have finally found the perfect answer that gets me off the hook and I don't have to lie. Here is the situation as it unfolded 15 minutes ago:

Cute little blond Boy Sout: Will you buy some popcorn for the Boy Scouts of America?

Me: I'm sorry. I've already been asked by someone else.

Did you catch it? I had already been asked. I didn't buy squat from the last person that asked either.

And, yes, after the posts I have left today you can call me Ebenzer Scrooge.

Boycotting Christmas

I don't having anything against Christmas, really, I don't. It's my favorite holiday of the year, but the commercialization of it makes me crazy. Yesterday I went to Michael's Craft Store--would you like to guess what it was filled to capacity with? You guessed it, Christmas Crap. And the store was packed! I'm guessing people have already begun shopping for presents. Today I went to the grocery store, my least favorite chore of all household chores. I hate even trying to pop in for something quick on a Sunday because it is absolute chaos. And crowds. Have I mentioned how much I hate crowds? I hate the noise and pushing and slowness of people that seem to enjoy this stuff. So, I'm waiting in the express lane hoping that they will move us through at an express pace (not a chance when you have food stamps and you have to divide up your bill so you still buy your cigarettes and coke). This is my image of Hell, being stuck in line unable to move or to move the process along....hmmm, just realized that sounds like something else in my life. Anyone care to guess what that might be? So there I stood in my own Hell when all the sudden I hear the tinny sounds of poor quality Christmas music being piped into the room. Are you kidding me? We haven't even cleared Halloween yet!!!

I will admit I kind of started my own Christmas shopping...but only for myself. Since money was so tight for so long (even before I lost my job I had been pinching pennies for the adoption) and I just haven't bought anything for myself, well, I've been wanting Photoshop Elements 5.0 for a very long time (digital scrapbooking, yeah!), but I was unwilling to pay $100. Something told me to pull into Staples after my violin lesson yesterday and take a look. Well, not only did I find the only one left in the store, but I found it on sale AND with a $45 dollar rebate. Yippee!

Yesterday before my lesson Koji (my violin instructor's Japanese bf) taught me how to make origami cranes. I've been wanting to learn so that I can hang some in MayLing's room. I have a few all over the house that people have given me over the years, but not enough to make a mobile out of them. So, now I know. I tend to be a bit obsessive and I like to keep my hands busy so if anyone out there wants any, I'm happy to share. I'll even send you the nice ones, as opposed to the first few I tried making. I've also attempted some other little surprises...so drop me a line and I'll drop some in the mail to you.

Cheers!

Saturday Morning Lights

My parents stayed over last night because they wanted to go up to their house early this morning and get it ready for the first viewing. They left a little after 7 this morning. I couldn't sleep after waking up so I got up and began puttering around the house with most the lights off.

I had this odd sensation, almost like I was flashing back in time. I can remember being 5 years-old and living in a house very similar to this one and creeping around in the dark before the early light of Saturday morning. I would seek out our old boxed TV set...you know the kind that sat deep in it's own cabinet and was supposed to appear like a piece of furniture? This was back in the day before 24 hr programming and I would turn on the set to see only snow across the screen. Concerned, I would slink back to my mom and dad's room and whisper "where are the toons?" I looked forward to Saturday morning cartoons with the joy that only a child understands. Today, as I crept through the quiet, cold house I could almost hear the sounds of early morning cartoons playing softly and throwing pale light across the room. Yeah, I am looking forward to that day...

Love at Last?

Do you ever wonder how people or events make it into your dreams? I must admit it has been on my mind a lot today. This morning I dreamed of a man I was in a relationship with nearly 3 years ago. He had been my closest friend for nearly a year, or that's how long it took me to realize we were no longer "just" friends. Once we both finally owned up to our feelings the relationship became quite intense. He was the first man I ever loved and he was the first man to ever love me. We had talked of the future and the number of kids we were going to have (3) and what sexes they would be (at least one of both sexes). We had discussed marriage and his family was aware of our plans. They had even come over from S. Korea to meet me and voiced their approval of me....with one exception. Although we were both Christians, I was protestant and they were Catholic. They wanted me to convert. I just wanted to be loved the way I was. And one day he just disappeared. One day I caught him sizing up my rings in my bedroom, and in another he was disappearing like a wisp of smoke. I learned later from mutual friends that his family would not allow us to marry because I wouldn't convert. He never discussed it with me, but I was told he was too upset to meet with me.

It was hard for me to recover from that. Where my heart had been stretched wide with love, there was this large gaping wound that couldn't be made be taut again. I mourned not only our love, but his friendship. I had months of pain and anger, but was eventually able to put that behind me.

I thought I had completely recovered from it until last year when I was completing my dossier. I certainly didn't sit around thinking about him or what could have been, but one night I had a dream of him. I was finally able to have closure. In the dream I yelled at him for breaking my heart and I think I beat him over the head a couple of times. I woke up feeling healed and whole in a way I didn't think possible.

I still think of him on occasion, but I spend more time plotting my next meal or hunting for toilet paper, than I think of him. So it was strange to dream of him today. The only reason I can come up with is related to an article I read in the November issue of O magazine. On page 290 they talk about finding love at last. All of the couples featured in the article found love at later ages. The youngest couple was in their mid 40's while the oldest found love in their 90s.

I really enjoyed the article partly because in the last week or so I have gotten some peace with the whole single status. I think I finally realized and accepted (although it doesn't always make me happy) that there is absolutely nothing I can do to find love or force love. As much as it saddens me, there is a very real possibility that I may never find love. Again. After reading the article and learning that some in their 40s had never been in love, well, I guess I felt lucky I had found it once. It is hard once you know what you are missing, but at least I know I was lovable and capable of love.

So how does this link me back to my ex? Well, in the article there was a lesson called "Be Open To Reunions", meaning, be open to past loves. I guess I realized I don't ever want what we had again. I loved him and he loved me intensely. He treated me like a queen and for the first time I got to feel like a woman. But in the end, he didn't communicate with me. For me communication=trust. Without one, I can't have the other. I think this dream was just another layer of my psyche severing whatever link I may have had with him. In the dream he was once again following the wishes of his parents. I can't be with a man like that.

Yesterday I had lunch with the woman I share an office with and one of her friends. They are both divorced and remarried and talked of the struggles with those relationships. I rather flippantly made the remark that while they were lucky at remarriages, I couldn't even find one man to marry. Terri looked me directly in the eye and said,"it's because we settled for less than what we wanted and what we deserved. Don't make the same mistakes that we did. And don't think that love changes people or that you can change people. You can't. No one can." She admitted that if she had to do it all over again, she would not have remarried, no matter how much she loves her current husband. I heard the exact same thing from another co-worker today who married, divorced, and remarried.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know that I will ever find love again. But today I feel exposed again, forced to remember something that was both beautiful and devastating. I guess if we open ourselves to love again, we have to be open for either possibility.

Ugghh...I have PRS

Some of you may not be familiar with this affliction, but in many ways it is similar to "other" syndrome that stops by once a month. It is Pre-Referral Syndrome and it doesn't matter how far back in the queue, if you are a woman and you are waiting for a referral, you probably get it every month. Fortunately there is no bloating (unless you begin stress eating) or other ickiness, but it isn't completely pain free. Here are a few of the symptoms you may suffer from:

• Fatigue--from staying up late cruising RQ and every adoption blog you know. You especially look for other waiting parents who are also experiencing PRS and for any new blogs out there that show pictures of recently matched happy families.
  
• Irritability--see above
• Bouts of crying for no reason. Sometimes from the stress of waiting and sometimes because you are experiencing the same hormones of any expecting mom. Don't get me started on any sappy commercials or sentimental movies...those are the worst!
• Manic--on the other end of the spectrum are those who get charged up and begin nesting. These moms are busy repainting their house, finishing the baby's room, and cleaning from top to bottom.
• Baby shopping at Babies R Us or Target. Need I say more?
  
• Headaches and eye strain--again, too much computer face time.
  

I'm sure this list could go on and on so feel free to add your suggestions. I've been running since around 5 am so I am not exactly the brightest bulb in the house right now.

The amazing thing about PRS is that your body seems to know when it is that time of the month, even if you haven't been obsessively checking the CCAA website or RQ. For me, there is always this great sense of excitement and hope that this month will be the big month, because as Kristen pointed out to me, the slow down occurred the very month we got our LIDs. They were referring 11 or more days per month until then and then suddenly it was only 2 or 3 days. How awful! It will feel really incredible when the day finally comes and they begin referring 2 weeks of LIDs. How much fun will that BE! Right now it just feels like we are treading water.

C'mon CCAA give me something to talk about!!!!

More Randomness....

I don't feel good. I started feeling "funny" last night, and after a restless night I woke up with a sore throat, burning sinuses, and fiery lungs. It feels like I am on step 2 of the bronchitis/sinusitis invasion. It starts with fatigue (dog tired last few days) and feeling hot and cold. Next step is draining sinuses, sore throat and an overall feeling of grossness. Step 3 is when the sore throat clears, but I start hacking up lung tissue. It usually only takes a few days to get to step 3, but I'll keep you updated. So, if I seem a bit whiney, I am. I don't feel good.

Ok, this is a bit gross so if any of you are disturbed by juvenile humor please skip to the next paragraph. Last week I was in Dallas for training on our computer applications. The people are so polite and rather proper there. While in the bathroom last week there was only one other woman in there in a stall at the end. She let a fat one rip and then very politiely cleared her throat. I'm not sure why it struck me as so funny, but I couldn't figure out if she was trying to pass the eruption off as a belch or if she gagged herself in the process. Whatever the reason, each time I think of it I can't help but laugh.

Met with my boss this morning and learned a little bit more about my job responisibilities. We are in the process of trying to go live with an upgrade, but because we are required to upgrade 2 other pieces in order to get this one piece up, the GO LIVE will miss the November deadline and likely be waitlisted for the first of the year. I am supposed to have 4-5 classes in Dallas, but because the material will change with the upgrade they want to hold off on the last 2-3 classes until we know this will all go through. Soooo, I won't be able to begin building (the cornerstone of the analysts job) until all my classes are complete. She asked if I would be interested in teaching and working with the informaticists until then. Yay! I share an office with an informaticist and I am surrounded by informaticists and educators right now so this will be great! I was worried when I took this job that I wouldn't be teaching anymore so I am glad to see that I am.

She said she had gotten good feedback from everyone and that the people on my floor have asked that I not be moved upstairs with the other analysts. She thought I was going to be a good fit here and wanted to make sure that I enjoyed the work. She said it was the first time they had hired from outside the company so they weren't initially sure how well it would work out. She said Kathy had been advocating on my behalf during the interview process, but she couldn't make a decision until everyone had had a chance to meet me and voice their opinion. I really need to get something for Kathy to thank her for all that she has done. What do you get someone that was influential in getting you a job? I really have no idea. It's almost as bad as when we have to take little gifts to China when we meet the nannies, orphanage director and government officials. How does a trinket really convey what a huge thing they have done for you? Somehow perfume or chocolate doesn't seem to be enough.

Random Thoughts....

There is a reason this blog is called Mad Musings because I have random thoughts that I need to express. There is no link between them; they are just thinks that I ponder on occasionally and sometimes long enough to write them down.

• I've started a Christmas list already. So far it is short, but expensive. I need luggage. I have the old hard sided luggage circa 1991 and it is just too darn heavy to lug around. My carry-on is a soft side, but ridiculously large. It doesn't fit most airlines regulation carry-on size (but I still carry it on--it still fits in an overhead bin). Second item...an iPod. It would be very handy at the gym. Right now I use my Palm Zire, but I can't fit as many songs on that memory card. Michael lent me his iPod so I can trial it to see if I really want it. I know people read this blog, so if anyone has some pros and cons they want to share, I'd LOVE to hear from you.
• I love the Texisms I heard in, you guessed it, Texas. My favorite phrase was "all ya'll" and I have been working it into every conversation I can since coming back home. I really didn't pick up a Texas accent (there were too many accents), but one of my dinner companions was from Atlanta and sounded a lot like the Sugarbaker Sisters, so I picked his up pretty quick.
• I have developed my very own Buddha Belly. And if you try to rub it, I will slap you senseless. It's bad. After every meal in Texas I would eventually push myself away from the trough, rub my belly, and groan. Rubbing it didn't make me lucky, obviously. Just check the previous 3 posts.
  
• I always hope that time stands still when I leave town. I always have this very strange sense of loss when I return home to find out that I missed so much when I was away. Evidently B-town had its very own sniper incident. No kidding. The schools were on lock-down, the apartment complex with sniper was on lock-down and all the surround bussinesses were locked down. Evidently it was a LAW student that went nutty and used his AK-47 to shoot up his textbooks. Who owns an AK-47???
  
• I missed the changing of the leaves. Well, not completely, but enough to be saddened by it. When I was driving around on Friday morning I realized that a lot of the trees are now red-tipped and gorgeous. I spent all afternoon Friday mowming, mulching, weeding and winterizing my yard. My aching back....
• Evidently I have a fabtabulous new hairdo. I went to the salon yesterday and got a good eyebrow waxing (wow, Jessica waxed and plucked for a very long time---evidently I'm sprouting evergreens). I also got a hair cut. My hair is naturally wavy/curly, but she cut it to a chin length bob and flat ironed it. Personally, I wasn't too impressed with it, but my family loved it. Of course since they love me their opinion doesn't really count because they HAVE to tell me they like it. I knew it must be fab when so many at church told me it was great today (after having slept on it). Not just my girlfriends...even married men. Not only that, some of them were married men in their 40s and 50s. So, the 'do is cool with the 'rents, the seniors (did you know you get a senior citizens discount at Kerasotes Theatre at age 55? That is way too young to be a senior) and the young peeps. Good to know. Plus, it makes all my naturally red highlights (from the sun, naturally) look storebought. Is that supposed to be a good thing?
  

A conversation with a 2 year-old

I spent the afternoon with my family. My parents and sister worked on cleaning up their house that was trashed by the tenants they evicted, while I kept my niece entertained. This is a snippet of conversation while my niece and I ate dinner together.

Saige: You douche?

Me: That's a bit personal, but no I don't douche.

(at this point my sister overhears the conversation and yells at me for "teaching" her a new word).

Sarah: Saige, we don't say that word. That's a grown up word.

Saige: DOUCHE, DOUCHE, DOUCHE!

(Saige yells louder and louder while Sarah gives me a withering look)

I take a swig of my my Diet Coke, Saige looks at it and yells once again, "DOUCHE". I could litterally see the light bulb going off inside Sarah's head when she realizes Saige was yelling for JUICE. Yep, I spent the next 5 minutes working with the kiddo on her "J" sounds.

...and thank you for flying American Airlines (in)direct to Indianapolis

Ok, this is going to be a long one so belly up to the desk. My flight out of Dallas was scheduled for 10 am so like a good girl, I got up early, checked to make sure my flight was still on time and then checked for the weather forecast back home. Oh, crap. It was only 7 am and we were already under a tornado warning in Indiana. Looking at the weather map I saw that the storm front started across northern Texas and crossed Illinois, Indiana and Ohio. Obviously this was a concern for me. As a teenager I flew from Japan to Hong Kong and our plane was hit by lightening and one of our engines was knocked out. I guess you could say I'm familiar with what happens in the air during storms.

Due to my obvious aversion towards using Dallas's esteemed taxi service, I called a shuttle company to come pick me up at the hotel and ferry me to the airport. He was supposed to get there at 8:15...he arrived at 7:40am. Ok, my morning is not going as smoothly as I would have liked.

Have you ever been to the Dallas/Fort Worth airport? It's huge. I've been to a lot of airports in my life and I don't think I have ever been to one that felt as spread out as this one. It was quite incredible. They have a lot of people pass through their doors everyday and they have VERY thorough security screeners. They actually found and removed my chapstick, lipsticks and Epi-pen from my purse. Evidently they are considered to be "liquids" and needed to be secured in a clear 1 quart ziplock baggie. I did have a gallon bag, but that wasn't good enough. It had to be a 1 quart bag. Have you ever heard of anything so crazy???? The only time lipstick is a liquid is when it is boiled. Fortunately they (as well as everyone else in Texas) was very polite and helpful about it. But still, my morning was not running as smoothly as I would have liked. I like to be able to anticipate these things before I travel. For example, on Sunday before I left for the airport I went through my purse and confiscated hand lotion, sun screen, and not one, but two pocket knives. I have no idea how I got my hands on 2 knives, but there they were.

Ok, so on I go. I'm sitting there waiting for them to board when they finally announce that we will be late because our plane is coming from Chicago and weather was creating problems there. Ok, so 10 am got moved to 10:30. Ok, still not smooth, but I am going with the flow.

Did you know that AA charges you for a bag of pretzels? Yeah, I didn't know either until getting on the flight. The only thing you get free is a headache and a ginger ale. I am sitting in the very back of the plane. I am so far back in the plane that I am sitting immediately in front of the flight attendants. Due to this little fact I got to know Janelle, the flight attendant, very well. Janelle and Jamie were just completing the beverage round when I saw Janelle hurry towards the front of the plane. Ok, not a big deal I thought at the time. But here is where the story gets very interesting. Within a minute of her sprinting to the front, the plane takes a nose dive. I don't mean that we began to descend, I mean we began to descend fast. I looked at the guy sitting next to me as we both gripped the arm rests and he said, "I think we are going down." I asked the guy in front of me and the one to my left where our nearest exits were. I was that concerned. Within another 30 seconds of the nose dive the pilot announced that we had smoke in the cabin along with a strange odor and we needed to land ASAP. If the nose dive didn't grab out attention, the plane's banking/rolling left to right sure did. I'm not kidding...I looked out the window at one point and saw the wing of the plane pointed directly to the ground....then he went to the other side....and back again to the right. Have I mentioned that I have motion sickness? I learned later from Janelle that we were descending hot (fast, for everyone not associated with airplanes) and we had to bank to slow us down. Yowza. We went from 33,000 feet to ground in a matter of a few minutes. Janelle told me later that she really thought the oxygen masks were going to deploy because we were falling so quickly.

If you fall out of the sky between Dallas and Indiana, guess where you land? Memphis! As soon as we de-planed we were told it would be a few minutes before the mechanics could check it out. Well, 4 hours later we were still sitting there. At one point a traveler getting on another plane asked me what happened. I told him. He asked if we were going to or coming back from Dallas and I told him we were returning. What he said next caught my attention: he had been on a flight from Dallas 2 days ago and he reported smelling and seeing smoke, but no one did anything. I asked him where it was coming from and he said it was coming from the front, right side of the plane...that's the same place our smoke was coming from! What are the chances that this was a different plane?

At 4 pm they announce that we will be unable to continue this flight so another plane is being brought in from Dallas to take us the rest of the way. Well, we were supposed to start boarding at 7 pm, but we are still sitting there at 8 pm. The plane finally did arrive. Minutes later they told us to have boarding passes ready, and then guy working the gate announces that they have a problem with this plane also. We all thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. Evidently some of the gauges weren't working and they needed repaired before we could take off.

Finally, we are in the air again after waiting 8 freakin' hours in Memphis. Remember that storm I told you about in the beginning of this infinitely long blog? Yeah, well it was gathering steam while we cooled our jets in Memphis. Take off was easy breezy, but because of the storm we couldn't fly directly north to Indy, we had to go north and east and approach them the east. The last 20-30 minutes of the flight were the worst I have ever spent in a plane. The wind was horrible, the constant lightening was horrible. I was soooo sick. We would just drop without warning and be blown this way or that way. When we finally did touch down, our plane was being blown off the runway. Evidently there were tornadoes reported to the north and south of us while we were flying.

Ok, so I'm not quite done yet. Do you remember the photo at the top of this posting with the 2 blue bottles of Skyy vodka? When we loaded onto the fixed plane in Memphis we were all sitting in the same seats and Janelle was once again sitting right behind me. Before take off I mentioned that I could really use a drink...and I especially wanted vodka. Well, before take off she slipped me a bottle and said "you look like a cran-apple girl, am I right?" Well, I wasn't about to argue with her! The guy next to me got a bloody mary as did the guy in front of him. Guess what the rest of the plane got? Ginger ale. After she finished the drink service for the rest of the plane I found that she had slipped me ANOTHER bottle of vodka. Thanks, Janelle!

Ok, so now you are caught up on my horrible trip to and from Dallas. Out of all of my travels, this was by far the worst trip I have been on. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything I could have done to make it better. You know what the truly sucky part is? I have to go back in 2 months!!!

I promise to update you soon. I'm just so exhausted that I can barely think. Nothing like a near death experience to wipe you out! I am finally home, safe and sound and I promise to fill you in on what happened yesterday. Right now....I still have a little bottle of airline Vodka to keep me company and a warm bath is not too far away either.

Slutty toes

Well, the help desk must have figured out why I couldn't connect to the Internet finally, because on my last night here, my computer finally works. Go figure.

Class has been good, but frustrating. This program is not intuitive and is nothing like the Microsoft based programs that I am used to. This program is basically our hospitals version of Microsoft for medical based charting. Although it has many great benefits, I finally understand why the nurses complain about it so much. I am so glad to be done with it for a while...only 4 more to go!

I have slutty toes. After class let out I met up with Ricci and some of the other classmates (interestingly, Kristen, they were all from WI and one was even from Racine) for pedicures. These weren't just pedicures, they were hour long spa treatment pedicures complete with massage and hot paraffin treatment. I decided since I was sort of on vacation, I wanted something racier and I asked the pedicure lady to give me toes that looked like hers. I can't load photos on this computer, but once I get home I will show you what they look like. Let me just tease you with this...I have rhinestones.

My flight leaves in the morning and I have booked a shuttle. I don't ever plan on taking another taxi in this town! Our taxi ride has been the talk of the hotel and both Ricci's and my class.

I can't wait to get home and NOT eat. Seriously, I'm so stuffed I want to puke. Tonight it was Mexican food...and I ate a lot of it. Uggh.

You know what else I am enjoying? Cable TV. Yep, I've been cruising the channels until the wee hours (probably another reason the computer stuff isn't soaking in) and I am loving it! Oh, and I watched my first music video in a very long time.

Say a prayer for a good flight tomorrow. I've heard the weather is supposed to be rocky from northern Texas all across Illinois and Indiana.

Part II--Cab Ride from Hell

Sorry about that. I hate to leave you hanging. Well, Ricci actually had to direct the driver from the back seat of the cab. She was basically straddling the seat in front of her and saying "Sir, you need to stay straight in this lane". "Sir, don't swerve." "Sir, you are going to hit that car." And my personal favorite, "Sir, you are going to get us killed!" Since Ricci was handling things the best she could, I went into full blown turtle mode. Yep, I fastened my seat belt, grabbed the belt white-knuckled and just prayed it would end soon. I wouldn't look around, I wouldn't look to the side or to the back because I really didn't want to know how close he was to the other cars. Ricci later told me that they were swerving to miss us. People must be overly polite here because I don't remember hearing any blaring horns.

At one point I did lean over to Ricci and say "Ricci, hold my hand." She began praying to the heavens and saying her goodbyes to her kids and hubby before ending with "Grandma, I'm coming home." Yeah, it really was that scary. I have been in cabs all over the world, and nothing was scarier than this ride. Guess what this ride did for my IBS? You guessed it--I spent the next 24 hrs running to the bathroom any time I felt the slightest gut twinge.

When we finally arrived at the hotel, he ran over the curb in front of the hotel (it jumped out in front of him). When I finally tried to stand, I was weak kneed and very shaky. Luckily the restaurant we went to gave me a 14 inch tall margarita.

Ok, so on to more recent news....guess what I had for dinner last night? Alligator! I hate to say it, but it really tasted like chicken, but with a bit more wang to it. I also ate some monster jalapenos. Fortunately the GI trauma has passed and the food didn't bother me. Yes, I know this is too much information to share, but you are still reading it, aren't you? So who is the dirty bird?

Giddy up little doggies...guess where I am? Ya'll don't know how different Texas is from Indiana! My laptop in my hotel room is not working yet...I have already called my IT people but they are kind of lost too.

Anyway, it's been an interesting journey so far. I get more nervous now when I travel long distances because I have more at stake now than ever before. There's a greater sense or mortality, but if this is truly God-driven, it gives me a greater sense of immortality. Well, that was what I thought before the hellacious taxi ride from the airport to the hotel. Ricci and I waited for our shuttle for over an hour and it didn't show. We even called and requested again that they come out, but when they didn't show we were forced to take a taxi. I didn't want to ride in the first taxi in line because the man looked decrepit. Well, when we tried to get in the taxi we were told that we had to take the first taxi. I knew we were screwed when he tried to insert the key into the trunk lid....6-8 inches away from the actual lock. Yep, folks, he keyed the trunk lid repeatedly trying to find the hole. And his car was parked under a street lamp. There was more than enough light. After we got in the taxi he couldn't figure out how to reset the meter and another taxi driver had to come over and help him. When I asked about why he was having difficulties he said, "it's not my cab." What the heck? I then looked towards the dash and tried to find his taxi license, and guess what? He didn't have one. It was obvious he hadn't been in the US for a long time so I suspect a friend let him "borrow" his cab so he could make some extra money.

Anyway, the guy was seriously blind. It was a 70 mph highway and we were weaving through 3-4 lanes of traffic. I wish I could say we only drove on the sidewalk once, but the truth is, we were on the sidewalk quite a bit. Since he couldn't see we often weaved into other lanes and at one point we stopped dead...in the road...while straddling two lanes. He didn't know how to get to Lewisville and he certainly didn't know how to get to our hotel. We had to call the hotel TWICE for him and the second time he tried to keep Ricci's phone...oops, I gotta go back to class. I'll continue the story in a little bit.

Happy 8 month LID to Me!

Honestly, it doesn't seem possible that I have been waiting for 8 months. I know I said this last month, but when I began I was told to expect a 12-14 month wait. Later they extended it to 16 months and even then I could still conceptualize it. Now....I have no freakin' idea. They have been talking of a speed up after the new year, but even if they start processing 15 LID each month that still puts me at 2 years. Even if I hadn't learned it before this adoption, certain things are just out of my hands and no amount of stressing, yelling or hair pulling is going to make any difference.

My day was going really well until I got home. I received a statement from 5th3rd Bank (what a dumb name for a bank) saying that I was being fined a $33 overdraft fee. I got online and looked into my account and even with the overdraft fee I still had nearly $100 in my account. What the heck? I called the 800 number that linked me to somebody somewhere in the world (why I can't I just call the bank and have them deal with it...can you tell I'm feeling pissy?) and she attempted to explain how I can be fined even though I had the money in my account prior to my mortgage payment and still had money in my account following the withdrawal. Anyway, I waited until she said she would waive the fee before telling her what I think of her bank and then I told her I was going to look into having my accounts moved to my local bank. She then proceeded to tell me that they all do business the same way. I was quick to tell her that I have had several loans with my local bank and have NEVER had mysterious fees applied to my account and have never had any communication issues with them. I then called my local bank (whom I have my checking account and have had 2 car loans with) to see what it would take to get it transferred. I hope I can afford it because I'm tired of all of these crazy add-on fees that were never discussed when I opened my mortgage account. Trust me, I went through my documents with a fine tooth comb before I signed and after the first time 5th3rd tried to screw me with a bogus add-on fee. Arrghh. I need to take a walk before my head pops.

If that wasn't frustrating enough I began reading my new Adoption Today magazine and one of the guest columns was written by a rep from an adoption agency here in the states making predictions about international adoptions. She anticipates that they will dry up considerably forcing parents to look in other areas. Ok, I really didn't need to hear that either. I think it is very frustrating that single women in this country aren't able to adopt infants in their own country. I was told by my SW that international adoption was the only way for a single woman to adopt because no birth mother in the US would choose to put her child with another single parent. Unless I was open to being a foster parent or adopting a special needs child I was not going to be able to adopt. With China closing the door to singles that leaves so few countries in which we can adopt. I'm actually not frustrated with the wait, not today anyway, but I am irritated that adoption options are getting fewer and fewer. What are you supposed to do when you have all this love and no one to give it to?

Tech crap and all that jaz

Ok, here are just a few of things I have heard the past few days:

• "UNIX" pardon me, but isn't that way happens when a man loses his junk?

• "virtual server" or "virtual machine" I'm glad I wasn't the bright one who asked what that was during a meeting. You know the answer? And these were the exact words: it's a pretend server/machine. Yeah.

• "push it through" Evidently this is what they say when they are loading new applications to one or more systems.
  

• "Vulcan" No kidding...this is the name of one of their servers. Would you like to guess with one of the others is called? Enterprise. Again, I'm not kidding. Sorry, boys, I'm a Star Wars fan, NOT a Star Trek fan.
  

I'll try to remember some of the other things I've heard. The meetings that involve the IT, IS, and CI (me!) teams are interesting. IT and IS does NOT speak the same language as the rest of us. Even though they all talk funny, these are some of the funniest guys I have EVER met. No kidding. I actually snorted.

Yesterday they held the annual IT cook-up and since I'm sandwiched in with the IT people I got to really really appreciate it. There were over 80 people that showed up and we were expected to judge 13 different chilis (and some side dishes and desserts). They were looking for the hottest chili, and I have to admit I was disappointed. I've decided, along with my new BFF Jason and Amber that we are going to submit a chili next year. I'm going to call it "toxic waste". I want it to be the hottest, nastiest chili ever produced. I don't even want it to taste good. I just want it to be hot. I've already involved my bro-in-law, Wes, on the project. Wes loves hot in a way that isn't healthy. So, if anyone has ideas on what I can do to hotten things up, please speak up!

I had a realization yesterday as I was sitting in my office (and try not to let one rip after all the chili and cheese I had just ingested--geez, just typing that makes me giggle). I really like the people I'm working with and I think I'm really going to enjoy my work. I'm not with the other analysts, and initially I thought that would be a problem, but one of them is not very nice and they are very intense. Instead I'm sandwiched on another floor with the informaticists, educators and IT people. I LOVE it. The guy in the next office over is too much fun. He's about my age and gets my sense of humor. Too much fun. He is also a Christian, which is a nice change from what I am used to. My office mate is Catholic and a little spit-fire. The ladies in the office to the left of me are also very funny and relaxed. They are also religious. The reason I mention that is because for the first time in my life, I have a job where I am not constantly hearing the F word. And you know what? I curse less when I don't hear it all the time. My goal was to clean up my language before MayLing comes home and I think that has a better chance of happening.

I've said several times that Select closing, although painful, was probably the best thing for me. I'm in a better working environment, I will be doing something that I enjoy (marketing had losts its zing many moons ago for me), and daycare is onsite. I will be able to have lunch with my daughter. How awesome is that?

I leave for Dallas on Sunday. You know what else is cool about this job? I have received the highest clearance EVER. When the IT guys were configuring my laptop this afternoon one actually remarked that I must have friends in high places. Sooo, I am taking my laptop with me to Dallas and I will be able to keep up on my e-mail, although if you don't mind, send it to my work address because that is a little easier. I also have internet access so I can update my blog and stay updated on yours! I think this job is going to be a very good thing for me.

I need some suggestions/feedback

Ok, so I'm not sure how to handle a situation. It's become kind of funny at this point, but I don't want my new co-workers thinking I'm a nut. I am a nut, but not the kind of nut they probably think I am. The woman that helped me get my job is a woman in my FCC group (families with children from China). She obviously knows I am adopting, but since she doesn't attend any of our meetings probably does not realize that I have kept it quiet. Well, one of the other employees came up to me and the conversation went something like this:

Her: Kathy told me that we live in the same neighborhood.

Me: Really?

Her: Yeah, she said she delivered her nursery furniture to you.

Me: Yeah, I live on XXXX Drive.

I could tell she was waiting for clarification about the furniture, but I left her hanging. When I was leaving on Friday this conversation occured with another co-worker after I told her my parents were coming for a weekend visit:

Her: So does your son enjoy spending time with his grandparents?

Me: (What the heck?!?) I don't have any kids.

Her: You don't have any kids? I thought someone said you had a son.

Me: Nope.

Her: Are you married?

Me: No.

Her: Were you ever married?

Me: No

Her: Are you dating someone? Living with anyone?

Me: No.

Her: Do you have any pets...a cat?

Me: Yeah, I have a cat.

It's actually funny when I do it live and in person. Maybe she thinks I bought the crib and changing table for my cat? Anyway, I really don't want to talk to my co-workers yet about my adoption. I was fortunate that it didn't slip out while I was working for Select because I think it would have been even more difficult to find employment. Who's going to hire someone that they think is going to take off in a year (haha) for 3 months? Anyway, any ideas how to handle it if it comes up again? I'm all ears.

CCAA Updates--Good Riddance November

I have been logged in for nearly 8 months (on Friday I will celebrate 8 months!). The CCAA has been stuck in November 2005 for most of the time I have waited. I will be thrilled beyond words when they finally get through the end of '05! Just seeing the calendar flip to '06 will be good for my soul.

Wow, getting up early is exhausting!

I've had it nice the last two months...I've gone to bed late and gotten up later. Since parking is such a huge problem, I have to get up early and get to work early so that I can find a spot. I do ok until about 1-2 pm. After that, I'm toast.

Work is going well. I don't yet have access to a lot of the programs I need access to (long story), but I've been told I will get it. It wasn't really a problem until yesterday when I ended up taking over my classroom for nurse competencies. The nurses were given a scenario (patient fall) and instructed to do an assessment, documentation, orders and physician consult within two of our programs. Well, I've never even SEEN the inside of these programs before and suddenly I'm trying to answer questions about them. When one nurse said she was having trouble printing her assessment I said,"Why don't you take me through the steps that you remember." Fortunately when we walked through it together it brought it back so she could do it herself. I'm signed up for 4 more competencies (8a-2pm) so I hope I have access by the time I do the next one. I already have so many meetings and appointments to go to that I have had to start writing them down.

I have my first training seminar set up in Dallas. I have never been to Dallas so I'm pretty psyched. I'll be traveling down with another co-worker, but we will be in different training seminars so I won't see much of her.

I was told to personalize my office any way I wanted so I am shopping for paint. I want something bright and am leaning towards red (yes, red) and a bright green. My office mate and I both agree that bright is the way to go. The pastels would be too sedating for both of us and according to my office mate "Purple makes you crazy." We are going to go with a retro theme of some sort. So, if anyone out there reading this has a small fridge (like a dorm fridge) that you'd like to get rid of, please leave a comment. Or, if you have anything else you'd like to pawn off on us, please let me know.

I'm tired. I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. I forgot how much working takes it out of me. I'm sure the early hours aren't helping much. I'll try to update again soon.

PS--I got MayLing waitlisted for the daycare. Yeah!!!! I have been dreading this for so long, but it was an easy decision once I got hired here.

Did ya miss me?

Well, did you? I thought it would feel strange going back to work after 2 months off, but it really doesn't. I'm not anxious. I'm sleeping fine. I have far less time now and check my e-mail far less. I need to get to bed since I'm getting up so early now, but I just wanted to let you all know that things are going great and they have really thrown out the welcome mat. I have never felt more welcome, actually. They had a card waiting for me yesterday with a message from everyone on the team welcoming me to the group. When my boss finally found me (I felt very popular yesterday) she hugged me. Yep, I was shocked too. I have never had a boss hug me. But coming from Suzy it didn't feel artificial--she seems like a very genuine person and it is obvious that everyone likes her. I do hope that they will keep her in that position because right now she is only interim director.

Other big news...Lisa Ling was in town today to present a lecture and I attended the lecture. It was free and the theatre filled up fast. EVERY China adoptive parent reading this knows Lisa from her National Geographic documentary "The Lost Girls of China". She really is incredible. I felt like a dork for not knowing she was on "The View". Give me a break, I work for a living and don't watch daytime crap. Well, even when I wasn't working I still didn't watch daytime crap. I will try to talk more about it tomorrow when I have more time. Bloomington is an amazing little town. Last week Jeff Daniels was here to perform during Lotus (yes, the Dumb and Dumber Jeff Daniels) and the Dali Lami is coming back to town in a few weeks. Before you get all excited about that, the Dali's family lives here and he comes home every year or so. Just between the two of us, the Dali may be a holy man, but his family is full of quacks. I'm not kidding. His sister-in-law called me a Mennonite! I had to look it up because I wasn't even sure what the insult meant. One of the Dali's nephews is a real troll. He owns some rental properties in town and his tenants always complain about him. You'd think a "holy" man would have a more wholesome family. Or perhaps being only once removed from fame gives people the false sense of "my sh** don't stink". And yes, I realize my verb tense is incorrect but I'm keepin' it real over here. Jeez, I think I need some sleep.

1st Day!

Today was my first day back into the work force since I lost my job at Select. Speaking of Select, I was officially terminated exactly one week ago. It was a pretty dull day, and that's a good thing compared to yesterday. Following church I ate Thai food with Rhonda, but I think I had food poisoning. Without going into too much detail I'll just say that I was up quite late and I wasn't sure I would make it to work at all!
Tomorrow will feel more like my first day since it will be my first day working with my new peers. I'll probably get my office and desk assignment and start testing out of some of the computer courses. I'm sure I'll have more to report then! I'm sure you guys will miss my near daily progress reports...I'm not sure I'll be as faithful once I start working full-time, but hopefully I'll still have something interesting to share every day.
Here is a picture of my name badge...I guess this makes it official! I had to clock in today for the first time in 8 1/2 years! I hope I can remember this everyday.