Thank you!

Thank you so much to all those that congratulated me on my milestone yesterday. I know it was any other day, but it really feels good to have that year behind me.

I thought my head was going to explode yesterday after class. I stayed up until 11 pm studying, typing up my notes, etc. I even DREAMED about those stupid build tables in my sleep. Today was better. I like problem solving so our first exercise of the day was to correct all the mistakes that "someone" made yesterday after class. Surprisingly I was able to whip through those pretty quick. This afternoon I spent my time building a charting table called "China Trip". I was going to build a table about the dossier process, but I just wasn't ready for all the questions that the adoption subject brings up so I switched to what needs to be done prior to going to China...visas, passports, vaccines, etc. I think I'm getting the hang of things, but I don't trust that I will remember anything tomorrow.

Is it wrong that I am already in my jammies? Is it worse if I say I have had my jammies on since 5:30? I have to admit, this time around the trip has not been near as lonely. Actually, I've sought out the quiet. I'm not sure what has changed other than my soul is more settled. My mother is coming with me next month when I come down. That should be pretty entertaining!

After I posted last night, I went back and re-read some of my earlier posts. Have you ever done that? gone back and read old journal entries? It's pretty interesting. I'm glad I have kept up a blog. I know it's not often an interesting read, but that's ok. This is for my daughter's benefit and for mine. Someday she will know how much I longed for her and how I celebrated every little passage of time that brought us closer. I can't help but think and wonder about her and her birthmother...has she been conceived yet? born yet? What are her birthparents like? Are they married or single? Are they looking forward to her arrival or do they know what is going to happen next? So many questions with little hope of ever knowing the answer.

I watched the movie "Juno" last weekend. I really enjoyed it, and I appreciated that they show the struggles that both the adoptive parents and the birth mother have. Initially I was rather turned off at how perfect the adoptive mom was behaving--the pictures were arranged just so, she was dressed perfectly and was very careful at what she said. Half way through the movie I realized that ALL of us adoptive parents go through the same thing. None of us have escaped the dreaded homestudy visit and the crazed cleaning that preceded it.

I also appreciated the grief that was delicately expressed by both parties. You can tell that the adoptive mother had struggled with infertility and the pain that comes with it and the grief expressed by the birthmom upon the birth of her child. It was palpable and something that is often not expressed openly by adoptive or birth parents. Both sides are touched with loss and great job--just not at the same time or for the same reason.