A Year in Reflection

Happy New Year! I hope this year is a blessing to all those who are reading for I know that most of you are in the same situation as I am--just waiting for your child to come home.

I have been waiting for nearly a year and if things had gone as they supposed to when I first began this process, I would have gotten my referral some time around February-April 2008 and I would have traveled within a 1-2 months following that. Any of you following the CCAA's website know that that isn't going to happen. They are now currently more than 2 years behind. But even with the wait time expanding even more than my elastic waist pants this Holiday season, it has still been a year of growth. It's interesting to reflect on where I was a year ago and where I might be in another year. A year ago today I was in Hong Kong following Chennie's beautiful wedding. I was looking around at all the people and realizing how adoption globalizes us all. This beautiful quote was sent to me by my mother by adoptive parent Isabella Rossellini:

Biological children bring the magic of your own genes, but adoption has the dimension of connection--not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitues love, ties, and family. It is a larger embrace. If more people adopted, we would stretch past our immediate circles and, by reaching out, find an unexpected sense of belonging with others.

As I walked the streets of Hong Kong I found that to be very true. Our faces weren't that much different. I saw bits and pieces of people I have known and loved my whole life. We are all the same. And as I walked the streets of a city that wasn't my own I realized what an incredibly hard thing it is to hate someone. Once the realization struck me that we were all connected at some level, hating you becomes an exercise in hating myself on some level. I hear many adoptive and non-adoptive parents lambast China or the Chinese for the great number of children that don't have parents. How can I possibly dislike them when they are responsible for giving me family? And by giving me family, they in turn, become an extension of my family? These are my deep reflections as I look back on 2007.
As I look ahead to the New Year, I don't know what it will bring. 2007 certainly had a number of blessings (LID for China, new job and new friends) and challenges (prolonged illness from pneumonia, loss of job) but despite the good and the bad, I'm really no worse off. As I sit here in my new PJs, I am healthy, I am happy and I am still very blessed. While I know that MayLing won't be coming home this year, I'm still hopeful that there will be other great things happening in my life. One of the many blessings this year has been how much this journey has expanded my friendships. I have been so grateful for Kristen's friendship this year. I have been so glad to share this journey with someone else that recognizes the struggles of doing this alone. Having said that, this is the perfect place to insert the first half of Isabella Rossellini's quote:

My son, Roberto, is 14 years old. When I adopted him at birth, my biological daughter, Elettra, was 9. I wanted more kids, but I didn't have a husband or a companion at the time, and for years I wondered if I had the right to raise him without a father--until I decided it was better for him to have just a mother than to be an orphan.

As a single parent-to-be this has crossed my mind several times. I pray that my daughter doesn't someday hate me or regret that she wasn't adopted by the Smith's (fictional family) with their 1.5 kids, golden retriever, and 3 car garage. I can only be who I am--at this time a childless mother, but for her, a mother. I don't drive a fancy car, but it is paid off. I don't live in a big house--but it is comfortable and the neighborhood is nice. I don't have a husband--but I have great men in my life. I will give her everything that I can offer.

Ok, now I'm done with seriousness and if you are still reading, God Bless You! This is my longest post in a while, but something that I wanted to say.

I am an evil genius! I made mention of new PJs in the above monologue, and here is how I came into possession of these great new jammies. On the Sunday before Christmas my mom wanted to go to the mall to pick out a few things are Sarah. On my dear sister's list were PJs, which she seems to ask for every year. There were a number of really cute PJs but my mom and I disagreed over what we thought she would like. Mom wanted to buy something with snowflakes all over it and I wanted her to buy the turquise jammies with polka dot bottoms. I always pick out gifts for others that I like for myself. Of course, I always want to buy something that I think they will enjoy, but at least I am able to inject a bit of myself into the gift. Well, this is the first time it has really paid off. Sarah opened her Christmas gift and hated them. They were too long, she didn't like polka dots, whatever...she didn't want them. So as of yesterday I became the proud owner of new jammies. It may not seem like much, but mine were 3 years old and threadbare. These are winter jammies and designed to hold heat in so I should not get near as cold at night. Yippee!

My niece is now calling me Annie MooMoo (auntie em). It's so cute! This is the first time she has been able to call me by my name or come up with a name--everyone else is mama, daddy, oma and opa. My family nickname is Em, which is really better for little ones to try to pronounce. If you try to get a toddler to say "Erica" you hear some really interesting sound combinations. Hopefully Oma will send me yesterday's photos so I will have some to share with the rest of you!