When I am stressed or upset I tend to spend more time at the gym. I find the repetitive motion is very soothing, which is why repetitive motion treatments are so effective for agitated prisoners or psych patients. Here are a few random thoughts about spending my evenings with the newly revived gym rats, the majority that will drop out by March 15th.
- Anorexics. They should be expected at any gym or health center--it's like finding pies at a bakery. The other day one of the anorexics was using the elliptical machine next to me and I have to admit, I really admired her will power. I was also somewhat disturbed when I saw the only part of her body that hadn't disappeared: her paid for boobies. Yep, those monsters stuck out from her bony chest and I'm sure if I had felt it necessary I probably could have read the serial number like the blind read Braille. I actually like working out next to them--I figure between the two of us we are probably a healthy weight so it's a win-win for both of us.
- Old men. Is it really necessary to wear all your gold chains when you are the gym? Really, between their "track" suits that don't fully contain their gray fur covered chests and their gold chains it is like "Sopranos: The Senior Years".
- Old men II. I really think you should spring for another pair of bike shorts. Seriously, the spandex gave out somewhere around 1984 and their free ballin' ways are really grossing me out. It's bad when you have to tuck your testicles back into your bike shorts. If they are that long or your shorts are that short...you gotta snip one or buy more of the other.
- Spandex. Really? Have you noticed that really, incredibly, got-greased-into-it tight spandex tends to have a reflective surface. Nothin' like seeing your reflection on the ass of the pear shaped woman you are walking behind.
Other random thoughts I have saved up all week:
- "Best Practice" has to be one of my least favorite catch phrases this year. I heard the company lawyer say it several times at a meeting last week, and today I read where Dubya can't find some tapes of some emails or voice messages that were subpoenaed for the White House leak that occurred in 2003 and 2004. Evidently they were recycled and used over according to "best practice". Isn't best practice just a lazy way of saying "I don't want to think too hard so I am going to do what everyone else is doing?" or in my mom's words "if everyone else was going to jump off the bridge, would you jump too?" Best practice for who? When did we generalize everything--this isn't fair and it certainly isn't the best practice in many circumstances.
- And in a random thought that doesn't fit anywhere else I just wanted to say "Danny Glover, I'm so glad you are ok!" For the last two years I have listened as his voice faded, his speech became slower and his voice took on a strange whistly character. I was sure he had COPD or cancer, but if Sunday's Brothers and Sisters show is any indication--he just needed new choppers! He was sportin' some new teeth in the latest episode and his voice seemed magically stronger and the whistle has mostly disappeared. Glad you are back, Danny.
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