Yesterday was a challenging day. As part of the FTIA adoption services, we are all enrolled in a yahoo chat group exclusively for those adopting from China. Normally people talk about frustrations and wait for the rest of us to provide advice, but since late last week the only topic of conversation has been the referrals that were received. We received referrals on 33 girls and 1 little boy and all of this was fantastic news, but it was so hard to see all the referral photos and read people's baby announcements. I have no idea why it suddenly bothered me, but it did. I think I feel so deeply connected to my daughter that it is hard to have to wait for her. She already feels like my daughter and I'm left on this side of the ocean feeling like a childless mother. Of course, work frustrations and disappointments may have also weighed heavily on my heart. The line blurs and blends at times and I'm not always sure which one started the problem.
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