Bathroom humor

I think I'm going to have to start shutting my door at work when I have to poop.

Ok, let me back that up and explain.  The building I work in is a converted nursing home so my office used to be a patient's room.  Actually, two patients.  As such, I have a bathroom in my office.  Sweet, right?  Not quite. 

I have IBS.  That is no mystery.  I have to poop a lot.  And usually with very little "wait and see" time.  And I'm sometimes loud--especially if I had the lettuce off the salad bar for lunch.  The door to the bathroom is next to the door of my office which exits out into the hall.  Because these used to be patient bathrooms, they aren't exactly sound proof.  Truth be told, you can hear better sitting on the can than any place in the building.  I can hear the guy in the next office also sitting on the can.  I can hear the people in the office across the hall whispering.  I can the meeting being held at the end of the hall.  So if I can hear all that...can they hear me?

The answer is you betcha!  My office mate is out all week for training (not that my bowel issues bother her at all), but as I was coming out of my bathroom the other day following my first post-lunch dump, I see two help desk employees sitting in my office waiting for me.  You've got to be kidding me!  So, the whole time I'm taking care of bidness, they are listening in absolute silence.  They could have knocked, they could have started talked amongst themselves, but nope, they were there for the whole show. 

Unfortunately this isn't the first time this has happened.  They sneak in like rodents waiting for me to exit my throne.  So, do I need to start shutting my exterior door every time I go?  Perhaps.  Of course, that's like hanging a sign on the door that says "Go Away.  I have to poop."  Plus, since they are usually there there to replace or repair my computer equipment (and it is so darn hard to get them over there) I don't really want them to turn and leave. 

What do I do?  Before long the entire department is going to know of my personal bowel issues.