Saturday, April 26, 2008

This annoys me...but is it wrong?

Tom Cruise's son Connor to appear in film

People.Connor.Cruise

In this Nov. 16, 2006 file photo, Connor Cruise, adopted son of Tom Cruise a...

15 hours ago

LOS ANGELES — The 13-year-old son of Tom Cruise is following in his father's footsteps.

Connor Cruise, the adopted son of Tom Cruise and ex-wife Nicole Kidman, has a minor, non-speaking part in the upcoming Will Smith drama "Seven Pounds," a spokesman for Columbia Pictures confirmed Tuesday.

 

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SISTER'S CRUEL TAUNTS DRAW TEARS FROM ADOPTED DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 and adopted. I have always known and have never felt less loved because of it. My mom always said that when you're adopted, you know that you are wanted and loved because nobody gets adopted by accident.

My 14-year-old sister, "Melissa," is our parents' natural child. We were always close, but lately she has decided to be mean to me and tries to hurt me by telling me that I'm not her "real" sister and our parents aren't my "real" parents. This hurts very much. If I cry, she thinks it's funny. She never says it in front of our parents -- she wouldn't dare.

Melissa used to tease me when we were alone in our room, but now she does it in front of her friends, who also laugh at me when I get upset and cry. Melissa would be in big trouble if I told Mom, but I'm afraid it will make her even meaner. I don't want to get her in trouble because, in spite of this, I still love her. I just want her to stop being mean and start treating me like her real sister again. Abby, what should I do? -- REAL SISTER IN TACOMA

DEAR REAL SISTER: Clip this and show it to "Miss Melissa." I have news for her. Parents who raise a child ARE "real" mothers and fathers. And you are as "real" a sister as Melissa is likely to get.

Her behavior is cruel, insensitive and immature. She's doing it because you have allowed her to get away with it. Give your sister one warning. Tell her that if she repeats that nonsense again, you will tell your "real" mother, who also happens to be HER mother. And if she's foolish enough to try it -- follow through.

 

Ok, it's me again.  I don't have children and I obviously am still waiting for MayLing to arrive so I don't know what it is like to parent adopted children, but for those that do, is it annoying when people make the differentiation between your adopted and biological kids?  I'm pretty sure it would bother me if someone introduced me as "Erica and her adopted daughter, MayLing".  She is my daughter regardless of how she comes to me and people will likely make one of two assumptions when they see us together as a family: either I adopted or I got knocked up by a man of another ethnicity. 

We know that Tom Cruise has 3 kids--the media may be whoring after the Suri story, but we still know that he has 3 kids.  Same with Nicole Kidman--we know she has 2 kids and 1 on the way.   And what about the Jolie-Pitt brood?  When their family is mentioned the media always differentiates by referring to their "3 adopted kids and Shiloh".  I copied this sentence from an online entertainment magazine:  The 32 year-old award winning actress and her heart-throb partner Brad Pitt have a multi-cultural brood consisting of Maddox, six, from Cambodia; Pax, three, from Vietnam; and Zahara, two, from Ethiopia as well as their own child, 17-month-old Shiloh.

Their own child?  Give me a break.  I'm sure if we asked them they would argue that point.  I'd like to think this only happened in the news, but it doesn't.  I recently read of one woman's experience when she visited a restaurant.  The waitress tried to argue that the woman's child was not her own because he was adopted from another country. 

Ugh.  I need to think of something good to say when uneducated people spout such things.  I don't want my child growing up with a complex--she'll have enough issues to deal with that this doesn't need to be one of them!

4 comments:

kitchu said...

I've always said ignorance is NOT bliss. The only thing we can do as future AP's and AP's is try our best to educate without bitch slapping everyone who makes a stupid comment to us. I'm surprised the Jolie's of this world haven't spoken out on this topic yet.

Anonymous said...

When your child skins a knee and bleeds, prick your own finger and touch the blood together. THat way you are blood relatives. I know. I know. Too many cowboy/indian movies as a kid had this method of becoming blood brothers. your children will be your blood relatives.
mom

Tasha Kent said...

I just roll my eyes when I see the media pointing out someone's 'adopted' child. I mean, is it because we might otherwise think that Connor is a lovechild of Tom and a black woman?? Or Maddox might be confused as the lovechild of Angelina and an Asian guy?? (although knowing her 'active' past.. that's a more believable scenario).

Mama Melissa said...

I can totally relate (as I just mentioned in another comment). Even family can say stuff, well-meaning... but hurtful. Someone recently said to me that I could 'have my own' next. She didn't mean that Mia wasn't my own, she just meant I could have another child by birth... but, I still took it that way. It's hard. We want to be responsible and loving toward our children, and not label them unnecessarily... especially, when we want to feel just as normal as anyone else... and we want others to either see that (which they don't) or we want to try to get the "crap" others spew out of our heads!

My thought is, just keep on keeping on! We can change the world one idiot at a time !!! ROFL

:-)

Melissa