Sticky, icky

For the record, I do not like to be hot or sweat. For that reason I sometimes have a hard time convincing myself to do yard work. I LOVE to watch things grow and I LOVE to see what surprises there are in the dirt each day, but I really hate laboring under the sun. My skin was just not designed for work in daylight hours. I usually get most of my yard/garden work done in the evening as the sun is going down, but today I am celebrating Memorial Day and decided to make the most of the day by getting some work done. Well, two hours and a bucket of sweat later, my vegetable garden is weed free again. Evidently, if you remove weeds on a daily basis you don't have to back breaking work in the sun. Although that may be the best way to do it, I'm not convinced that weeding on a daily basis is a job for me.

Also news worthy today....I cleaned my study!! I have all my stuff organized and put away. The only thing left to do today is finish cutting out my fabric squares with my good wishes, vaccuum the carpet and curl up on the couch with a little lovin' from the New James Bond. That's right, I'm renting a movie!! (get your mind out of the gutter, pervs)

Life Lessons

Sometimes I think there is a lesson to be learned from things that are happening around me, but I am too stubborn or stuck in my own feelings to pay attention. Sometimes I need to be reminded that life is good. I need reminded of all the blessings that I've had over the last year, especially when I consider how difficult the previous 2-3 years were. I can now look back and realize that the painful demise of some very close relationships was necessary in order to get me to this place. Had those events not happened, I would not have been prepared for MayLing. I also would not have met some really great people. For the last week, I've been smacked upside the head about this numerous times. Last Sunday, Matt preached about the Old Testament and our place in this history. He said there has never been a time when Jesus has not been a part of your life. At times when life is so painful, it is hard to believe that. But all week, that message kept coming back to me. Even Friday as I was driving and despairing I turned on the radio and Denise was the afternoon DJ (how on earth were you able to do High Octane AM and the afternoon show????) and she was playing Tunnel by Third Day. It wasn't the first time I had heard the song, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. Wow. That was cool.

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
for you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of the tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin on

You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see

Even today at church I met an older couple and they were just incredible. I listened to their story and heard the woman say "it was a God thing" and I knew just what she meant. Although I know things will work out for the best, patience with myself has always eluded me.

"Lost"

Oh my goodness!!! Did you see tonight's season finale for Lost? It was incredible. I couldn't help but cheer when Jack finally found his balls and stood up to Ben or when Hurley came flying through the jungle in the van. What an awesome show. The only thing I didn't like...the flash forwards to Jack's life after being rescued. What do you do when you've just been trying to survive and lead your people to rescue? How does one recover from that? Some of them probably should just stay on the island...namely Locke and Jack. But Sun and Jin need to get off and so should Claire and Aaron. Poor Charlie....I kept thinking he might try to squeeze through the little port hole (I don't know the first thing about boats so please excuse my incorrect wording). What an awesome show....I can't wait until next season, but what am I going to do in the mean time?????

Hey, did I mention I'm planning on getting a tattoo? Yep, I've been talking about it for half my life...I even had my friend in Hong Kong design one for me. Well, I spoke to a nurse at the allergist's office and she said lots of people with allergies have tattoos and there is no way of knowing if I will react until I have a tattoo. Those of you who read this and know me well, know that living in Bloomington has been one big giant itchy hive. So, cross your fingers and say a prayer and hopefully in 2 weeks I will be tattooed!!!

This is how small our little worlds are...I was sharing my desire for a tattoo with one of the mommies in my Bloomington mommy adoption support group, and she told me her daughter is a tattoo artist here in town! She talked to her daughter about what I want and her daughter has already worked up a few ideas. I'm going to try and meet with her sometime this week and then I should be ready for the big stick in a few weeks!!!

PRS

If you don't know what those letters mean, they stand for "Pre Referral Syndrome". I'd like to blame this period of moodiness on PMS, but the timing is never right. PRS occurs the week before referrals are expected and lasts until I see the list serves full of happy soon-to-be parents announcing their latest family addition. Victims of PRS often experience anxiety, tearfullness, eye strain (from staring at the computer all night looking for information), sleep deprivation, moodiness, and over all spacey headedness. Do not be offended for our lack of attention. Although we can not think of anything but our daughters, please don't feel insulted if we don't want to talk about it. No matter how well meaning, some days the last thing we want to hear is "how much longer?"

And in case you are curious, the last batch of referrals came out May 1st...and they have consistently referred on the first of the month for the last 3 months.

"The Story"

I'm sorry I haven't posted for the past week. I have made myself very busy because the wait has hit me hard the past week. For those of you who read and have not adopted or are not in process, I am aware of the wait time and I was aware that I was going to have to wait when I began the process, but what would you do if your daughter wasn't at home? I hope and pray that she has someone to love and comfort her. I pray that she has food to eat and that her birth mother had good prenatal care. Last week I began thinking of my daughter's birth day. Chances are, I will never know the exact day of her birth, only an approximate. I hope her birth is celebrated. I hope people are excited and anxiously awaiting her arrival. Anyway, that's enough melancholoy for now. I heard this great song a few weeks ago by Brandi Carlile called "The Story". I just love it so I hope you don't mind reading through the lyrics:

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
Is hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through but you do
And I was made for you

Perfect Day

I had this perfect day planned for myself yesterday, but I'm quite glad that my perfect day turned out quite differently. Since I didn't have my violin lesson in the morning, I thought I'd have the opportunity to get up late and begin working on the house. It's a wreck and smells funky. I thought I'd spend the day cleaning, cutting up my quilt squares to send out this week, and finish putting in the rest of my garden. In reality, I took a prescription cough pill before going to bed so I ended up sleeping until nearly 11 am (yikes). Instead of getting dressed I decided to throw myself into getting the house clean. I filled the sink of dishes with soap and water, loaded the washer, and began to organize the kitchen. I had just finished making a pitcher of lemonade when I thought I heard a knock at the door. It was Sherry! I am so glad I have such great friends in my life, that they don't feel the need to call ahead (although in reality, she had called my cell phone 3 times and I just hadn't heard it). There I was, still wearing my pajama tank, greasy unwashed hair and wearing yesterday's underwear. And she didn't even care. What a beautiful thing. She went and picked us up some take-out food and we just spent a delightful afternoon with each other. Shortly after she left, Michael came over to pick me up to see Spiderman 3 (I highly do not recommend this movie...it really sucks). And after we parted company, I was on my way to Tony and Fil's for Joy's Graduation Party!
I realize it is great to have a clean (and clean smelling) house with clean laundry, but these are days I won't have again. I feel like I cherish this time more because I know once MayLing is home, I will have other demands on my time. I don't want this to sound like I regret it, certainly not! I think I appreciate things more now because I know that things will change next year. I look forward to those changes and how I will be stretched and grown into a new woman. What a great thing to be able to look to the future, but be able to appreciate each moment now. I feel like I have more clarity in my life and what is truly important in it.

Blogger Madness

I swear, sometimes blogger drives me crazy! I had a very nice post yesterday, complete with photos (which take forever to load because I have dial-up) and when I hit the "publish" button, poof, it was gone! Then, I couldn't sign in. Ughh. It doesn't help that either the sinusitis/bronchitis or cold medicine has made me very forgetful. I kept logging in with the wrong information and I couldn't access my blog. Of course, you can't actually email someone for help. Ok, sorry, I've been a little irritable lately.

Congrats to Kristen for her 3 month LID! (sorry it's a day late). Just think we are 1/5th, 1/6th, 1/7th or 1/8th of the way through depending on who you talking to. Sometimes it hits me, I'm gonna be a mom! What a cool feeling.

I finally got my garden in tonight. I was out in the dirt until 9:15 and I couldn't see any longer to work. I've put in corn, green beans, red/yellow/orange peppers, roma tomatoes, and rhubarb. I still need to put in my strawberries tomorrow. If I have room, I'm going to put in onions and cantaloupes. This really should be a learning experience. Surprisingly my dirt is half-way decent. What people don't realize is that we don't have soil here in Bloomington--we have clay and limestone. More time than not, when I push my shovel into the ground, I'm coming up with pure, red clay. The only thing worse than hitting clay, is hitting limestone, or gravel sized pieces of limestone. When new homes or businesses are built in this area, they have to dynamite the ground in order to "break ground". I think the dynamiting has created all the gravel sized bits in my yard. I hate to admit it, but I miss the black, fertile soil of Illinois.

It's so humid! Over 65% humidity in the house, and 80+ outside if weather.com is to be believed. I was sweating like a pig while gardening. It was literally dripping off my face and into the dirt. It's gross, but at least it's not like being at the gym and everyone can see the gross factor.

Alright, time for bed. I will try to post more tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Dad!!

To make a long story short, the wood chipper (the star attraction for the party) was unable to make it the party. Although he RSVP'd about a month ago, he had neglected to tell me that he needed a ball hitch. I don't know why the rental center did not feel that information would be pertinent, but they didn't. The day was great regardless, and I saved $$$ not renting that noisemaker. Here are a few photos I took during the process. The first photo is after we had begun clearing the brush and debris (in other words, this isn't even the worst of it). The second photo was taken after my dad cut down the cherry tree next to the walnut. What he neglected to tell me until hours later was that he had never cut down a tree before. That's right folks, we cut down a tree and none of us had ever done that before. For some reason it felt really familiar (maybe because we cleared some smaller ones last year when I moved in). The last photo was taken in the evening after we, and my neighbor Joann, had cleared most the debris and dead trees. We still have to remove the two trees in the back right of the photo because they are covered with ivy and have slowly been suffocated. It will be fall before that happens. The ground is still covered with horrible ivy so if anyone has suggestions on how to get rid of it, I'd love to hear it (what's so wrong with using napalm?)