Rest In Peace

           1979-2008

I was a Heath Ledger fan and I was quite shocked to learn of his death this morning.  It appears that drugs may have played a factor in his death.  If so, I really hope that others take note and realize that life is brief and we must respect the limited time that we have.

I just learned from Kristen that our dear China coordinator is losing her job.  I will be reassigned my third coordinator since I started this journey.  Evidently the slowdown in China isn't just affecting the children in China and the adoptive parents.  Agencies are now being forced to re-evaluate the best way they can meet their clients needs and make budget.  Hopefully I will hear from her tomorrow and I can express my thanks for all she has done.  Because of the slowdown, I rarely ever inquire about the process, but we have bonded over photos and recipe exchanges.  I will miss her.

I am tired.  I suspect I am fighting an infection because I have been short of breath again.  And tired.  Very tired.  And cold.  Very cold.  I cranked up the heat in my office to what was probably near 80 or better and I was wearing a cashmere sweater AND a jacket.  Yeah, the thermostat is definitely off. 

But life has improved and is getting better.  It has been good to step back from the process and return to my normally scheduled life.  I'm spending time with friends again and trying to do things that make me happy.  I'm starting to make plans again--something I haven't done because I never knew when MayLing would be coming home.  It's been nearly a year and I'm not much closer so it has really freed me up to focus on other pursuits again.  I think this year is going to be a good year. 

Hope

 

I've heard this song before, but today as we sang in church it felt more personal.  I especially loved the lines

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

I just need to hang on and know that things will change.  My heart just needs to hold on. 

**sorry about parts of the video.  I really dislike the fact that every time he sings the word "fear" that they show pictures of terrorists.  There are far more things that are fearful that we see in our day-to-day life besides terrorists (well, in my life anyway. Maybe you do stay awake fearing them).  Personally, I'd say that some of our candidates for this year's election are more than a little scary. 

I'm tired

It's no secret that the past few weeks have been rather difficult for me and it has not just been the adoption slow down.  I have been under an incredible amount of pressure at work.  There is an upgrade project that was started a year or two ago that kept getting pushed back.  Finally the vendor we buy our applications from said "you either upgrade now, or you can't upgrade any other applications in your hospital system".  Evidently the system is like the game Ginga.  Each wooden block rests precariously on the other.  The one below supports the one above and the one above supports the next one up.  So, I was brought into the project in late December, long after most of the work should have been done, but wasn't.  The person that has been assigning me the tasks has never done anything like it either (which is why I can only assume I was pulled into the mess--so she can back out).  She keeps telling me all these things I need to do and increasing my workload daily.  I have to admit, I dread even seeing her because I know she is going to say "you know, I really think we should look at workflow for ....".  I missed all the earlier meetings were the work was defined and divided.  Most of the time they forget to include me on any conference calls or project meeting updates.  And oh yeah, we are going live in less than a month.  To say I've been stressed would be an understatement.  In the few meetings I have attended I have just felt the panic rise--kind of reminded me of walking into a geometry class when I am obviously an algebra kind of girl. 

I should also add that I have no experience.  I am RN, with a degree in anthropology with a focus in culture and biophysical--and I am now working in an IS department. 

But finally, yesterday, I don't feel so lost.  On Thursday I had even more crap added to my plate.  As a result I decided to meet with the integration person that is setting up the testing and the project manager.  It seems I am on the right path--it is the lady that keeps adding more to my plate that is off base!  Seriously, she wanted me to do workflow for the current application and then extrapolate what the workflow would be with the new upgrade.  How the heck can I do that when I don't even know what the back of the box says or how the users are going to apply it???  Exactly.  You can't. 

I'm glad that is cleared up.  Unfortunately I'm still going to have to work on it this weekend because testing begins Monday morning.  I'm sure I'll keep you updated on what has become the world's most boring blog.  I'm sure all you non-tech people think this is the most boring thing ever, but I AM HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I AM RIGHT, DARN IT!!!!!

Funny

While I don't approve of teaching kids to curse when they are only 2 years old, this is still pretty darn funny.

Random thoughts...

When I am stressed or upset I tend to spend more time at the gym.  I find the repetitive motion is very soothing, which is why repetitive motion treatments are so effective for agitated prisoners or psych patients.  Here are a few random thoughts about spending my evenings with the newly revived gym rats, the majority that will drop out by March 15th. 

• Anorexics.  They should be expected at any gym or health center--it's like finding pies at a bakery.  The other day one of the anorexics was using the elliptical machine next to me and I have to admit, I really admired her will power.  I was also somewhat disturbed when I saw the only part of her body that hadn't disappeared: her paid for boobies.  Yep, those monsters stuck out from her bony chest and I'm sure if I had felt it necessary I probably could have read the serial number like the blind read Braille.  I actually like working out next to them--I figure between the two of us we are probably a healthy weight so it's a win-win for both of us.
• Old men.  Is it really necessary to wear all your gold chains when you are the gym?  Really, between their "track" suits that don't fully contain their gray fur covered chests and their gold chains it is like "Sopranos: The Senior Years". 
• Old men II.  I really think you should spring for another pair of bike shorts.  Seriously, the spandex gave out somewhere around 1984 and their free ballin' ways are really grossing me out.  It's bad when you have to tuck your testicles back into your bike shorts.  If they are that long or your shorts are that short...you gotta snip one or buy more of the other. 
• Spandex.  Really?  Have you noticed that really, incredibly, got-greased-into-it tight spandex tends to have a reflective surface.  Nothin' like seeing your reflection on the ass of the pear shaped woman you are walking behind. 

Other random thoughts I have saved up all week:

• "Best Practice" has to be one of my least favorite catch phrases this year.  I heard the company lawyer say it several times at a meeting last week, and today I read where Dubya can't find some tapes of some emails or voice messages  that were subpoenaed for the White House leak that occurred in 2003 and 2004.  Evidently they were recycled and used over according to "best practice".  Isn't best practice just a lazy way of saying "I don't want to think too hard so I am going to do what everyone else is doing?" or in my mom's words "if everyone else was going to jump off the bridge, would you jump too?"  Best practice for who?  When did we generalize everything--this isn't fair and it certainly isn't the best practice in many circumstances. 
• And in a random thought that doesn't fit anywhere else I just wanted to say "Danny Glover, I'm so glad you are ok!"  For the last two years I have listened as his voice faded, his speech became slower and his voice took on a strange whistly character.  I was sure he had COPD or cancer, but if Sunday's Brothers and Sisters show is any indication--he just needed new choppers!  He was sportin' some new teeth in the latest episode and his voice seemed magically stronger and the whistle has mostly disappeared.  Glad you are back, Danny.  

How Mama got her groove back

Happy 11 month LIDversary to me (yesterday)!  I'm working on getting my groove back and I am starting with having fun!

Yesterday to celebrate my 11 month LID my BFF and I went to Indy for dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant.  Strangely, we don't have a 100% Vietnamese restaurant here, although some of the Asian (hate using a generic term, but it is kind of necessary here) restaurants in town do have a smorgasbord of Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai...what else am I forgetting?  Part of having FUN is trying something new so new is what we got.   It was really good, but don't ask me what it was.  I honestly don't recall the Vietnamese name, but it was also known as #25.  Yep, I reverted to the number system.  I also ordered a #5 appetizer and a #1 dessert.  Actually, the appetizer was a soft spring roll and the dessert was a bananna frittata--yum yum! 

I had the realization yesterday that my nesting phase has gone on far too long.  Somehow the only thing I have gained is 40# and a bad attitude.  Well, no more.  Mama's coming out!  For fun, that is.  Don't want anyone in China (or elsewhere) thinking I'm coming out of anything else--not that there is anything wrong with that.  I have put my life on hold, put my finances on hold, and put my friends on hold.  I also realized that I never wanted to be one of those women that lost her identity after having children. But that is exactly what is in danger of happening if I don't get out there--I need to have fun, experience new things, meet new people and have a support system set up for when my daughter does come home.  I would be cheating not only myself, but her.  Who wants a boring mama?  Not me! 

I'm going to start volunteering at the Asian Culture Center.  In exchange for me teaching English as a second language, I will receive help with Mandarin.  I plan on joining a new Bible study for women this week that I think will be very good for me.  I'm also thinking of taking an exercise class at the gym or taking a class at the art center.  Yeah, I'm getting wild over here...try not to scoff.

And in parting tonight I want to share a little something that I'm sure most of you have already seen, but I just learned about through Kristen.

I was a huge Sex and the City fan, so this version of white Jewish girl in Beijing trying to find love is entertaining and rather heart-warming.  Enjoy! 

Better Day

Today was a better day.  I decided to put some things into practice that will take my mind off the whole China thing, or at least not focus on the negative.  Starting today, I am not checking my email in the morning before work.  Today it gave me a good start because I wasn't filling in my mind with all the negativity from the various yahoo groups that I am a part of.  In fact, I think I will probably go "no mail" on a few of them until I settle down.  I'm also going to limit my blog reading.  Those that I currently leave messages on while still be checked regularly, but not as obsessively as now.  I'm hoping a little down time and maybe some new hobbies will help.  I'm just not sure what hobbies to pursue.

Nothing does the heart good like spending the entire day in the emergency department and seeing people that are worse than you.  I don't mean that their physical conditions were awful, far from it.  Most of them had far more mental issues than physical issues, but I will share my favorite case with you.  Pull up your chairs, it's a doozey!  A guy came into the ER with the diagnosis of "bites over genitals".  Yeah, that's going to catch your eye. Evidently his testicles weren't just bitten, they were mauled by a dog.  The bite marks were quite deep and jagged indicating that he was not wearing any clothes at the time he was bit (he wouldn't confirm or deny it).  Here's the kicker: he doesn't own a dog.  While our community has been up in arms about out of control dog attacks, I really doubt I'm going to see this story in the paper tomorrow: Naked man's testicles attacked by neighbor's dog while walking.  I really did feel bad for him; I can't imagine how bad that must have felt or how bad it is going to feel tomorrow. 

The people in the ED really liked me and asked if I would consider working in their department.  If things don't work out in my department, I would certainly consider it.  It's been so long since I have done hands-on nursing, it would certainly be a challenge.  I like the pace and I like the teamwork and camaraderie that is at work in the department.  Because you are dealing with the worst things that ever happen to a person, your perspective does change and you don't get as upset about the smaller things--even if they do seem earth shattering.  And right now, I really need to change my perspective.