Two years

It was two years ago today that my dossier for my daughter in China was finally logged in.  I remember the anxiety of the whole process--my 1600A paperwork had been misplaced and it was taking them a while to process my file.  In some ways it was very similar to the wait for referral for my son and I guess waiting for my daughter prepared me for the grueling wait for his official referral. 

I remember the anxiety of each day checking the mailbox until one day  something came over me and instead of feeling defeated by the wait, I began to plan everything that needed to happen.  I still had to visit the state capitol for the oh-so-precious state notarizations and because I couldn't leave anything to chance I decided to make the trek to Chicago to have the Chinese consulate authenticate and stamp everything.  My friend Sherry was in on my plan and without 171H in hand we booked a hotel in Chicago and planned time off work. 

And like I felt it would happen, on January 24th it arrived.  Sherry and I took off at noon the next day and we shared an incredible little adventure that didn't end until Saturday evening when we drove down to my agency and personally delivered it on January 27th.  

On February 2nd my dossier was en route to China and on February 12th I officially lined up between 44, 532 other people (ok, that's just a number I made up, but it sounds about right).

Since my son has come home people have assumed that I dropped the quest for my daughter.  Nothing could be further from my mind.  She was the one that began all of this and if not for her I would not have EVER attempted to bring home Spud. 

She is still with me.  In my heart, in my mind, and especially in my dreams.  The dreams of her never ended and actually intensified after my referral for the Spud.   Before I traveled I dreamed that once I got to Vietnam they tried to give me a 12 year-old girl and at first I didn't want her.  I wanted my son!  I kept trying to find a family for her and the entire time I searched for someone for her I found myself falling even more inexplicably in love with her.  The last thing I remember is of the four of us--me on bottom, her, Spud and Siva the Cat all piled into a big recliner sleeping.

Yesterday morning another dream.  The more recent dreams have been different--older than I thought or with a special need (I am not on the waiting child list because I think I have my hands full for now).  This child, definitely one after my own heart for so many reasons, was still there.   

In the dream my China agency had sent me a little gift for Spud with a note attached:

We have a referral, and we think she would be best with you.  VSD repair with murmur.  Born July 29, 2006. China is willing to waive the 12 month wait period between children or they will keep her for you until you are ready.

I am sure the dream has something to do with with feeling the 2 year mark creeping up on me, but after two years of waiting it is good to still have those moments when I feel close to her.  Like she is still real even if she is only real to me.

Today I have to reflect on every thing that has occurred in the last two years.   While my son has been a part of my heart as long as my daughter has, I never imagined that things would work out like this.  As I write this I am looking down on his smiling face and marveling at it all again.  Every little thing, every precious little second was perfectly measured so that we would be a family.  It never ceases to amaze me that if I had waited one more day to make that decision, if CIS had been delayed by yet another day he wouldn't have been my son.  Same goes if things had gone sooner--I might have been matched to another child. 

So as I light a candle tonight and think of my daughter, I thank God that He put me on this path and that my daughter lead me right to my son.  I think he will be a wonderful big brother some day.