Plop plop, fizz fizz

I am nearly finished with my dossier. The high that I had when I was feverishly rushing through document collection has been replaced by relief. I'm also finally beginning to get some sleep. There for a while I was so busy, so determined to complete my dossier as fast as possible that I had to sacrifice a lot of me time. Wheww...it's time to take a breath and relax and prepare for the next part....waiting. Right now I'm waiting for my final home study report. I reviewed the draft yesterday and with the exception of a few grammar and cosmetic errors, it looks good. It's so odd to read about myself from a third-person perspective. Some things made me pause and then giggle. I know how I am, but to read it from another perspective I sound like someone else. Under the Home/Neighborhood Section I pondered these next two sentence: Erica grew up in the country and knows how to shoot guns. She owns a gun which has a safely lock on it and is secured in a lock box.
Yes, I do own a gun and at the time I bought it I felt it was necessary. My job often sent me into dangerous areas and I had witnessed violence first hand. I carried pepper spray and sometimes a gun at that time. I did grow up around guns and I have taken gun safety courses as well as markmanship training. But by the time MayLing arrives, I doubt I will have a gun. I guess my liberal side hasn't quite made peace with my redneck side.
Ultimately, none of this matters. In the summary and recommendation section my wonderful social worker wrote these words, "It is recommended that Erica be approved for the adoption of a healthy Chinese female between birth and 15 months of age." I can't think of a more beautiful proclamation than that!

In celebration, my friend Sherry and I ate greasy Chinese food Friday night and had one wine cooler a piece. That may not sound like much, but for a woman has felt very emotionally pregnant the last 6 weeks and for a woman that recently adopted a young daughter, the fizzy carbonation of an 'adult' beverage felt very indulgent. Thank you Bartles&Jaymes!

No Coincidences

I've decided that there are no such things as coincidences. Not since I began this adoption journey. Too many things have come together too perfectly for this to be random. Case in Point: on Monday I traveled to Detroit for a business trip. That in itself was odd...I've been with the company for 3.5 years in essentially the same position as when I started.
I can't tell you how much I was dreading this trip. Not because of the content of the meeting or being away from home. I had this horrible nagging thought: What if something happened to me? What would happen to MayLing? I couldn't bear the thought of some other family raising her, as crazy as that may sound. There is a saying among those blessed enough to adopt "she was born in my heart". Even before I had heard this line, before I had met another adoptive parent, I had written something very similar in my journal for my daughter, "Many women are able to bear children of their womb, but how lucky am I that you are born of my heart".
I wasn't feeling that great on Monday and then I learned my CEO would not be accompanying me to Detroit. I was concerned she was sick and very concerned that I amy not be able to answer questions from the corporate level people.
Tuesday morning I awake bright and early and head to the conference room where we will be eating breakfast and beginning our meetings. I see the group of my plane mate's sitting in the front of the room, but I opt for one of the rear tables. I'm typically not a back-of-the-room kind of girl, but I sat in the back. Alone. And waited. People began to filter in and before long I had a woman on my left speaking earnestly with a woman on my right. In no time at all, lefty asked righty if she had heard when she would be able to adopt her daughter in China. Linda Blair had nothing on me, I whipped my head around so fast my eyes blurred momentarily. Within another minutes I found myself purging my adoption story on a woman who had been a stranger, but who I now called friend. The bond that binds us to our unseen children, also binds us to countless other parents who have heeded the same call. We are all apart of a greater community, our stories are similar, but better still, our daughters also share the same story. I hope they never feel alone, I hope they always feel tied to China and to their Chinese sisters.