The Mad Musings of MayLing's Mama

Hello!

2009-11-07T12:01:00.001-05:00

I realize I haven't updated this blog since February--wow. I decided until I actually have news about my daughter to post only to my son's blog. You can find us here, and yes, I do update it regularly with reflections on parenthood, lots of photos, and the emotions of being a new and single parent.

Hope I see you soon!

Two years

2009-02-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

It was two years ago today that my dossier for my daughter in China was finally logged in. I remember the anxiety of the whole process--my 1600A paperwork had been misplaced and it was taking them a while to process my file. In some ways it was very similar to the wait for referral for my son and I guess waiting for my daughter prepared me for the grueling wait for his official referral.

I remember the anxiety of each day checking the mailbox until one day something came over me and instead of feeling defeated by the wait, I began to plan everything that needed to happen. I still had to visit the state capitol for the oh-so-precious state notarizations and because I couldn't leave anything to chance I decided to make the trek to Chicago to have the Chinese consulate authenticate and stamp everything. My friend Sherry was in on my plan and without 171H in hand we booked a hotel in Chicago and planned time off work.

And like I felt it would happen, on January 24th it arrived. Sherry and I took off at noon the next day and we shared an incredible little adventure that didn't end until Saturday evening when we drove down to my agency and personally delivered it on January 27th.

On February 2nd my dossier was en route to China and on February 12th I officially lined up between 44, 532 other people (ok, that's just a number I made up, but it sounds about right).

Since my son has come home people have assumed that I dropped the quest for my daughter. Nothing could be further from my mind. She was the one that began all of this and if not for her I would not have EVER attempted to bring home Spud.

She is still with me. In my heart, in my mind, and especially in my dreams. The dreams of her never ended and actually intensified after my referral for the Spud. Before I traveled I dreamed that once I got to Vietnam they tried to give me a 12 year-old girl and at first I didn't want her. I wanted my son! I kept trying to find a family for her and the entire time I searched for someone for her I found myself falling even more inexplicably in love with her. The last thing I remember is of the four of us--me on bottom, her, Spud and Siva the Cat all piled into a big recliner sleeping.

Yesterday morning another dream. The more recent dreams have been different--older than I thought or with a special need (I am not on the waiting child list because I think I have my hands full for now). This child, definitely one after my own heart for so many reasons, was still there.

In the dream my China agency had sent me a little gift for Spud with a note attached:

We have a referral, and we think she would be best with you. VSD repair with murmur. Born July 29, 2006. China is willing to waive the 12 month wait period between children or they will keep her for you until you are ready.

I am sure the dream has something to do with with feeling the 2 year mark creeping up on me, but after two years of waiting it is good to still have those moments when I feel close to her. Like she is still real even if she is only real to me.

Today I have to reflect on every thing that has occurred in the last two years. While my son has been a part of my heart as long as my daughter has, I never imagined that things would work out like this. As I write this I am looking down on his smiling face and marveling at it all again. Every little thing, every precious little second was perfectly measured so that we would be a family. It never ceases to amaze me that if I had waited one more day to make that decision, if CIS had been delayed by yet another day he wouldn't have been my son. Same goes if things had gone sooner--I might have been matched to another child.

So as I light a candle tonight and think of my daughter, I thank God that He put me on this path and that my daughter lead me right to my son. I think he will be a wonderful big brother some day.

More NBC

2009-02-07T23:40:00.001-05:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I received a surprising call this evening from Becky at 6:20 PM reporting that our story was being re-run in a different format. When I asked why I was told NBC was hoping to reach a different population than the Today Show because they received such positive feedback from the first show.

Months and months ago I mentioned to Becky how much I wanted to encourage others to adopt and to help other families through the process. Financially I can not help at this time (I haven’t had a paycheck since December—yikes!), but what I can do is educate every person that has an interest.

Last week I opened a facebook account for my son. Since then I have received a number of questions from others about the process, how did I do it as a single, and other more specific questions pertaining to adoption. It is a small thing, but I am so happy to help others who were in the same boat as I was. As a single person, adoption can be overwhelming. It’s not just jumping through the hoops. It’s the waiting, the unknown, and not always having a strong support system knowledgeable about adoption. People that haven’t adopted, haven’t waited and wondered if it would ever happen or worked against an impossible deadline can never understand what it is like. For singles I think it is doubly difficult (not that it isn’t hard for couples) because we don’t have that partner that can share the emotional burden.

I am glad that the original show touched people and I do hope more people will look into adoption. So many children need families and until I met my son I had NO idea how incredible being a parent could be.

When is enough, enough?

2009-02-02T11:15:00.001-05:00

I am going to break away from the usual love-fest that my blogs have become since my son has arrived and look at something that has me shaking my head, wincing, and wondering where it all went wrong.

Last week Nadya Suleman gave birth to 8 surprisingly healthy babies. I say surprisingly because it is a miracle all of them survived the pregnancy, but there is no way that they will leave the hospital without some sort of impairment as a result of being so premature. Many multiples suffer from CP, blindness, respiratory problems, etc. as a result of competing for adequate nutrition and oxygenation in the womb and being delivered early. It is very taxing to provide the necessary care for these children and I imagine that the first couple of years are the most difficult.

It is being reported that Nadya is angling to sell her story for $2 million and wants diaper sponsorship and wants to start a career as a TV child care expert. While I would normally be very hesitant to comment on any person’s choice to build a family, I feel her doctors should be held responsible in making some incredibly poor decisions. I am a single mom and I love my son, but he keeps me very busy. Nadya is a single, unemployed mom to 14 children under the age of 7, living in a 3 bedroom house with her parents (her mother has publicly come out and said her daughter is crazy and she is moving out).

Who is going to be taking care of these children? The better question is, who is going to be paying for these children? Currently the state of California is paying for the care of her previous 6 children. Since this story has come out the media love has cooled for Nadya. If she can’t secure some sort of TV sponsorship and sell her story, will California pick up the exorbitant cost of these special needs kids? Personally, I think the physicians should have some fiscal responsibility.

Obviously it sounds like Nadya has a few screws loose. The real icing on the cake is that she is in school right now studying to be a mental health counselor. No offense to my mother and others in her profession, but I think even they are aware that those that need the most help are often drawn to counseling. Usually schools are pretty good about recognizing these people and weeding them out.

However, I could be wrong. Perhaps Nadya will make a wonderful mother who will be able to bump Jon & Kate + 8 off TLC. Maybe she will receive enough endorsements to care for her children adequately and will be able to hire the necessary help to raise these kids. Maybe Ty Pennington and his building crew will build her a 15 bedroom home so they have room to grow. Maybe one of the schools there will waive tuition so her children can go to college some day. Maybe everything will work out and she will prove us all wrong. I certainly hope so for everyone’s sake.

Either way, I know one thing for sure. If Jon & Kate + 8 gives me nightmares, there is NO way I will ever watch Nadya + 14.

Today Show

2009-01-24T09:25:00.001-05:00

Because I have been so private about a lot of things in my life (believe me, it’s not limited to just the adoption) I have struggled with what is safe to put out there about me, but especially more now that the Spud has come into my life.

After much thought and consideration (and pleading from some people) I have decided to let you in another something in my life. My life and my son’s life are no longer so private.

Today Show--Cost of Adoption Segment

I looked at the greater good which is why I agreed to allow them to be a part of my son’s adoption story. I know that there a lot of people out there who want to adopt. When people have learned that I am adopting/have adopted I often hear “oh, I always wanted to do that, but it is too expensive”. It is expensive and it is difficult and it definitely heartbreaking somewhere along the way, but if we continue to follow that path, at the end there is usually a child that brings us unspeakable joy.

As a single woman, like so many of you reading this blog, things are not stacked in our favor. It is often more difficult to find an agency that will work with us. Since we are one income household it is difficult to find the money. I am not rich. I spend $200 per year on clothes/shoes/purses/accessories/etc. I don’t buy Starbucks unless it is bought for me. I don’t have cable TV and until I took a job that required a high speed internet connection I lived with dial-up. I don’t often eat out just as I don’t eat the sushi that I love unless it is a special occasion. As a single it is much more difficult to find organizations that give adoption grants or low/no interest loans. Believe me, I have looked. Most require a check box in the married box on the form and others also require families to follow a particular faith.

I feel very blessed that I stumbled across HelpUsAdopt.org and they were able to provide a handsome sized grant. Becky was certainly an answer to prayer. I remember stumbling across their website and seeing that the packet had to be in in only a few days or I wouldn’t meet the deadline. I remember writing the essay—pouring out everything that was on my heart, just in case. When I took the envelope off to the post office I had to pay a pretty penny to ship it overnight. I kissed the envelope goodbye and said a prayer expecting nothing.

Not only did I receive a grant, I got to be a part of something greater. I got to be a part of Becky’s dream to assist those of wanting to start a family—regardless of marital status, race, sexuality, religion, etc.

So, for any of you reading this I hope you will consider giving money to HelpUsAdopt.org and assisting this dream that will allow MORE families to adopt. And for those of you, like me, who had a dream but had difficulty finding the funds, please contact HelpUsAdopt.org.

My beautiful son.

Ringing in the New Year with my new man

2009-01-02T12:27:00.001-05:00

I told you there was a reason you hadn't heard much from me over the last few months and here is the reason:

I have kept a lot of things quiet because even I didn't completely understand things. When I started the process for MayLing over two years ago, I knew at that time that a son from Vietnam would be part of the package. I just didn't know when or how. My reasoning brain just assumed that it would several years after I got my daughter home. But my heart couldn't let it go and the image of this baby boy that God had placed in my heart grew with each passing day. With the exception of Kristen--no one knew. When I chose my daughter's name, I also chose my son's. When I picked and bought the paint for MayLing's room, I did the same for his. When Kristen and I went shopping for our future daughters, I wandered across the aisle and bought from the boy's side as well.

It was a tough year as I waited and wondered what to do. On November 4, 2007 Kristen called to tell me that the CCAA had just released some changes to their policies--concurrent adoptions and pregnancies were now allowed. It was the sign I needed. Many months before I had picked the agency I wanted to work with so that very same night I emailed the coordinator from that agency and told him I was ready to begin. And begin we did.

I could never have imagined the horrific emotional highs and lows that would follow--something that I had never experienced during the process with my daughter. After months of CIS losing my paperwork and other government screw-ups along the way, I finally had a completed dossier to submit. The day before I was to submit it and pay a substantial portion of my adoption fees a news release was printed that the US and VN were not renegotiating the MOU they had operated under for the previous two years. There would be no more referrals after September 1st.

For the next 4 months I sat and wondered, prayed, and tried to find peace in what seemed like impossible odds. So many families were waiting--some for several years--how could I possible receive a referral?

But in my bones I knew he lived and breathed and even from the other side of world I could feel the weight of him against my chest. I knew the date of his birth and location of birth long before I ever heard of a referral. All along the way I could feel these momentous things occurring somewhere beyond our grasp. It was interesting to receive all his info last week and be able to confirm all these thoughts and feelings along the way. I knew the date of our match long before I was ever told--his paperwork confirms it. So many other things that before I could only feel and assume were important--well, they were.

On September 1st I received an email with this simple message:

You're in.

Your boy is permanently matched to you.

No kidding.

Have a great holiday.

We'll talk during the week, I don't have a clue yet when we'll get the photos, etc.

I waited another two days before I saw his face and then waited nearly four more months before I finally had the chance to hold him.

He is mine and I am his. Together we rang in the New Year just hours after stepping off an airplane together.

Cat & Mouse

2008-12-01T18:59:00.000-05:00

This is how proud I am of my cat, I actually took the time to open a YouTube account and waited and waited while the videos loaded. Here she is after the kill--there is no blood and it looks like she is playing with a toy but please DO NOT SHOW TO LITTLE CHILDREN. Ok, I feel better now.

and more video just cuz I am so proud!

The first video is the better one, but she gets a really good mouse toss in with the first 20-30 seconds of the second video. The first video was with my camera and the second was with my camcorder...definitely a difference, but not the one I was expecting! In the first video I had cornered her after she tried to take it to my bedroom...uh huh...not the kind of 'bedroom surprise' I was hoping for! Because she has never shown any interest in killing mice I was a little concerned that it was just stunned so I did touch it just to make sure. And, yes, I did gag a little bit while she kept chewing at it and thumping it against the wall. Ugh.

Ok, the 'bare hands' story is as follows...I bought and moved into my very first house two and a half years ago. It is an older house and had sat vacant for years. A few nights after I moved in I am sitting on the couch watching TV when I notice the cat. She was pawing at the wall, again. To prove to her that nothing was wrong I picked her up, opened the electrical box/utility box on the wall and out scurried a mouse! I was so not ready for that! I dropped the cat over the mouse and yelled, "Get it, Siva!". The poor little mouse was a bit stunned and wasn't moving terribly fast, but the cat sniffed and walked away. Because I have a loooong and somewhat unfortunate history with mice I was not about to let it run away and procreate. I didn't have a shoe or slipper (and trust me, I would have pounded it into pancakes if I'd had one) so I grabbed this fleece bed that my cat sleeps on, covered the mouse and cupped it to contain it. Well, when you live alone and you can't yell for someone to grab a jar your choices are limited and a piece of cloth is not going to contain a mouse. So, I squished it. It was awful! I started applying pressure and I swear to you the mouse started squealing and when I started feeling things pop I got too nauseated and let go. I was too horrified to do anymore and the poor mouse did stagger away. Without going into any more horrifying details I can confirm that the mouse did die. Ugh, it was awful! I was so upset--I called my best friend, but I think he was slightly amused by it. Even thinking back on it disturbs me.

I actually have another doozy of a mouse/mice story, but I am going to wait until tomorrow. It's kind of funny and I need to end on a funny note after remembering the details of my kill.

Oh, the cats name is Siva, but is pronounced like Shiva. I named her after the Indian deity of destruction. It just seemed appropriate.

Because I need a laugh, even if it is twisted

2008-11-23T00:49:00.001-05:00

You should know that Sarah Palin had just pardoned a turkey 20 seconds before the cameras started rolling. And in case you aren't clear on the concept, the guy behind her is KILLING the surviving turkeys. Yep, I can't make this crap up.

Baby Cate is on her way!

2008-11-12T23:22:00.000-05:00

Part of my trivia from the early part of this week was about El Paso...Illinois. What makes El Paso significant? Well, I pass through it every time I visit Kristen and this weekend I took a very special trip to Wisconsin. After two years of waiting, Kristen was finally going to China to pick up her daughter!

We started our journeys as strangers over two years ago when we were both accepted into the China program at the same agency. I still consider that a miracle because NONE of the other agencies I contacted allowed singles and only two days before I applied I was told that they would NOT be opening their doors to singles again because of the rumored single exclusion. We competed (I hate to use that word, but there were only a few slots available) against a number of other single applicants and we were accepted the same day. I wasn't aware of Kristen until she posted that she was DTC--up until then I had been in the lead, but being the good sport that I am I emailed my congrats and our friendship began from there. Even though we live several states away we manage to see each other several times a year and talk and email constantly. Yeah, it's one of those really cool friendships. We have so much in common it would have been a real shame to have never met.

Today she left for China and while I write she is still in flight with an expected touch down somewhere in the wee hours of the morning--or early morning depending on how you define your sleeping hours. So, Friday I happily drove up to WI to celebrate Cate's arrival with her friends and family with a toddler shower. Let me tell you, that girl got some loot! It was all I could do to stay out of her toys! Hopefully Kris won't mind me posting this photo because her daughter is absolutely stunning!

Feel free to stop by her blog and say "hey". Her brother is supposed to be keeping up with posts while she is gone. I'm already restless--I can't wait to meet me newest little niece!

What the...?

2008-11-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have one of those days when nearly everything you hear or see gives you pause? Seriously, I has to be a full moon or darn near. Now that I am the only analyst I have been getting these calls: "so are you now involved with project xyz? Must be you since you are the only one left." or "I didn't see you at the project meeting for abc...did you forget?" NO, I didn't forget. I haven't been assigned and I am not volunteering--I finally told someone today "I can't carry anymore weight. You are going to have to wait."

I work with really nice people, emphasis on nice. But some of their phone calls are making me freakin' insane. There are a couple of them that like to call, but aren't prepared to discuss the subject they are calling me on. I am doing a favor for them and they don't have the courtesy to cut the shit and get to the point. Honestly, one called me today and couldn't remember what she called me about or what she needed. I kept telling her "just call me back when you are ready" but she was smart enough to know that I had NO intention of picking up that phone again! So while she fiddle farted around trying to remember what she needed to tell me I actually put the phone down and used the bathroom. Yep, I'm getting tired and I am really, really looking forward to my LOOONG vacation.

Which is why I found this picture so funny tonight:

The quality isn't good since I took it with my cell phone, but it was funny enough that I actually blew the 10 cents to send it to my email, my sister's phone and my brother-in-law's phone. It is your everyday "economy" sedan with a WOODEN rear spoiler. No kidding--I laughed my toots off when that kid pulled up. Not only that, it is nailed into the trunk. It is a couple of 2x4s nailed together and although you can't see it, the stamp from the lumber company is still on the wood. He even drilled a number of holes in it--I imagine it's to decrease the amount of wind resistance and drag on the car. The kid didn't even paint it! He also had a racing stripe down the front of the car, but it appeared to be a peel off or a very sloppy home paint job. I wonder if he made this in shop class....?

Neglected, but not for forgotten

2008-11-10T19:57:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know I have been neglecting this blog. There is a reason, and it is a pretty darn good reason.

In about a month from now my life is going to get pretty crazy. And believe it or not, I fully intend to drag you down with me. Why keep the crazy fun to myself?!? Stay tuned for more details (or directions...hard so say where I am going to land).

And for a change of subject...what is with all the people suddenly buying guns post-Obama election? Really, you think you need an automatic weapon to hunt with? Are you serious? I believe in our amendment rights, but I honestly don't see the sport in buying/selling weapons whose sole purpose is to kill people. I totally support hunting (ok, not really, but people have to eat and I'm too much of a weenie to kill my own meat. I can't even touch the raw, nicely packaged chicken I buy from the market--the texture totally weirds me out. I'd probably be a vegasaurus if I had to kill my own food) so I would not advocate taking guns from people. If you don't know what I'm talking about click here. Obama never said he was going to take away our right to bear arms, but if city dwellers think they need an Uzi to take down a deer--well, they obviously aren't hunting for the meat or the pelt. These types of weapons were designed for warfare, not for home protection or sport. And what is wrong with requiring a background check? I work as a nurse and it is frightening the number of crazies that walk among us. Some of them even sound normal some days (this is not a slam against people with mental illness; I'm just saying that some people aren't safe with dull butter knives). Or what about the guy down the road that was released from prison after only serving two years for manslaughter? Don't the rest of us deserve the right to be safe?

Since it is an amendment right I can't see how Obama (or any other politician) will ever take our guns away, so why are all these people stockpiling?

PSA on the Flu

2008-10-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

Fun with Cheese

2008-10-07T16:48:00.002-05:00

I'm not actually lactose intolerant, but I do have an allergy to a protein that is found in milk and other dairy products. Nevertheless, the effect is basically the same. Since arriving in Dallas they have fed me nothing but cheese. Cheese with a side of lettuce, cheese with a side of enchiladas, cheese with a side of eggs...you get the picture and I am in hell. Yesterday afternoon I was in so much pain that I could barely stand or sit upright. It doesn't end there, as I am sure you are aware. There is cramping, distended abdomen, really strange noises coming from my mid-section (I said mid-section, not butt although it does eventually get there too). Today I rushed from the lunch room (cheese with a side of chicken) feeling quite nauseous. Let's just say I spent a good portion of my break in there.

It isn't always this bad. Since it is an allergy, the severity of my symptoms tends to depend on how many other allergens are also attacking me. In the summer I can have a hamburger with little or no problems, but in the fall and in January (with the higher mold counts) I develop amnesia until it rips my gut up.

Ok, change of subject. About 2 weeks ago I learned that I am finally through the review room. Yay! I know it doesn't sound like such a big deal after I have already been waiting this long (20 months on Sunday!), but for me it was. They could have been nit-picky and asked for more medical documentation. It would have been easy to get since I am healthy, but I didn't want to get pulled out of my LID queue.

Kristen reminded me yesterday of what yesterday's date was. Honestly, I'm not sure how I forgot it since it has really been on my mind alot in the week leading up to it. October 4, 2006 was the day my agency's website posted that they had a limited number of single slots available. If you look back through my blog towards the beginning you will what a miracle that was (not for them, but for me). Two days prior to that I had called inquiring about a spot and the director of the China program told me it wasn't going to happen because they knew China was getting ready to disqualify singles (did I just make up a Bushism? Not sure that is the correct use of that word). I could have written them off, but two days later I felt God urging me to go back. Up until this point I had not decided to start the process--I wanted to wait a year since I was flat broke. On October 4th, the nudge God had placed on my heart the month before suddenly became a very annoying rap on the head "do it, do it, do it!". Thankfully, I listened and checked the website. On October 6th, they called to tell me they had received my packet, but they had questions about whether I was be accepted by the CCAA. They didn't want to waste a slot on someone who wouldn't pass muster. After a very long weekend, my agency called me to say I was approved to begin the process and to GET ON IT!

Even though the wait has been long and my journey has taken some twists and turns, I never lose the absolute wonderment over God's perfect timing. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had not heeded God's suggestion and I shudder to think of it. Even though my daughter is not yet home, she (or the thought of her) has opened my heart and world in ways nothing has before. She has changed the very course of my life and that is an amazing thing.

I love you, baby girl!

Claymates

2008-09-24T18:17:00.001-05:00

Clay Aiken announced today that he is gay. Really? Gay? Had no one picked up on this before?

He reported that he made the decision to come out after deciding he didn't want his son to think lying was ok. Good for him! I can't imagine how hard it is to live life with a huge secret hanging over your head. Lucky for him, I think most people already know.

Unfortunately, all the rabid Claymates may need to find someone else to throw their undies at. I'm sure Clay will be relieved.

Weirdness Abounds

2008-09-22T10:52:00.001-05:00

I took today off from work so I could sleep. Truly, I am that tired and overworked. Would you like to guess what woke me up at 11:07 am? Not the cat (although she had been obnoxious), not the lawn mower down the road--it was a low flying plane. Yep, I seriously grabbed the cat and hit the deck and said, "oh, sh**!". Yeah, my sister and I have had the conversation that nearly every time I encounter something life defying that my response is "oh sh*t!". I'm not proud, I truly am not. I'm afraid one of these times it is going to be the big one and the last words I utter before encountering the pearly gates is going to be "oh sh*t". Hopefully God has a sense of humor.

The other weirdo moment happened last night. I HATE receiving advertisements from credit card companies, I hate that they sell my personal information to other vendors so that THEY can also harass me. So when I saw the opt-out insert they tucked behind my last bill, I wanted to make a point of calling. When I called a husky voiced from a wo/man (not too sure, folks) answered. When I told him/her what I wanted s/he asked why I called this number. Considering I had just given her my credit card number I started getting very nervous, especially since this is on the heels of the PayPal Fiasco of my birthday (someone stole my account and bought an Audi car). I explained that the number I called was the number that was provided. So s/he was chatty and was asking about if I had been affected by Hurricane Ike. It seems kind of stupid to even admit it since I live in Indiana, but yeah, we got hit kind of hard. Besides Texas, we were the next state with the highest number of lives lost due to the storm. S/he asks about the storm twice (what the heck?). Then she finishes my transaction. I asked her what I needed to do since I am planning on going overseas in a couple of months. She then starts telling me to take Immodium because of the food. Honestly, I've eaten some foods both here and abroad that I'm not proud of. The last thing I want to do is sssllllooooww their exit out of me. You understand?

At this point s/he realizes I'm a nurse and starts telling me about her cheating ex-husband. She says since you are a nurse you will understand this, "I started dosing him with spironolactalone and an anti-psychotic and he was not the same after that."

Ok, does that scare you at all? Honestly, it did me. I didn't even know some of the effects of spironolactalone until recently (among other things it suppresses testosterone) but having some fruit loop on the phone admit to poisoning someone, well, that's just not right. That reminds me, I probably need to check my credit again...

My poor, poor neglected blog

2008-09-07T20:16:00.001-05:00

Yep, it is truly a neglected blog and for that I am sorry. I think the hard part is having so much going on in my life, but so little that I can publicly share in a worldwide forum such as this one. So, I choose not to talk at all. If it makes you feel better, I actually do the same things to my friends (how sad that I shut them out when I can't share things).

Unfortunately I don't have adoption news to share. Most of what I am dealing with is work related stress and given my current job and the tech people I work with, I realize it is not wise to unload those things here. I guess I am actually getting wiser the older I get. A few weeks ago a colleague asking my opinion on something and as I opened my mouth to speak (realizing at that moment that my opinion would likely not be in the majority and therefore it was open to attack) I shut it and said "never mind". That actually speaks just as loudly, but now I don't leave a verbal trail that might hang me later.

There is some good news in adoption land though, the CCAA is finally matching families and children in February 2006. Whoo hoo! Right now I'm a year and 3 days behind where they currently are. That feels better than where I was sitting six months ago!

The birthday did suck a bit, but I'm a big girl, I can handle it. My friends made up for the other shortcomings and I couldn't believe some of the awesome gifts I got. Plus, my sister bought me the last two books of the Twilight series and I am dying to dig into them (did you get the joke on that one?)! I'm actually re-reading the first one right now and I'm going to take book 3 with me tomorrow as I head out to Georgia for training. Please say a prayer that I don't have too many problems from the hurricanes.

Bit of a Break

2008-08-18T09:23:00.001-05:00

I needed to take a bit of a blogger break. Nothing was really on my mind, which was exactly the reason I needed a break. Very little is happening in adoption land and my personal life has become rather boring so I decided to take some time off.

I did celebrate my 18 month LID last Tuesday. Honestly, it's hard to believe it has been that long already. Currently the wait is now 30.5 months for a referral, so as you can see, I still have a ways to go! That's ok; I'm patient. It will be interesting to see what happens after the Olympics. I don't believe that the flood gates will open per se, but I do believe that we might see a few more referrals or LIDs trickle through in the coming months and hopefully next year we will actually see things improve.

I have been working a lot of overtime at work--and evenings--and weekends--and on-call. I don't like it, but it is only temporary and I remind myself that the money goes right into my baby fund. I was scheduled to come off on call this morning at 7 am, but I woke up at 6:48 and decided to pop the battery out 12 minutes earlier (yes, it's easier to pop the battery out than figure out how to turn it off).

My birthday is in less than two weeks and I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family. This time of year is my favorite in this city and my favorite festival of the year is being held on my B-day this year. How special am I?

The Belly of the Beast (or Why there is no cure for dumb)

2008-08-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

I've had an ass-kickin', lip smackin' good day. Warning the following post may contain words not suitable for children under the age of 13.

I was in a meeting this morning with some colleagues when my boss blows in with steam coming out of her ears. Her voice was slightly below a yell and she was obviously pissed. She said, "I was just on the new unit and I can't get the main desk computer to work." I just kind of looked at her dumbfounded--of course the computer doesn't work, it's not fully installed.

She was still mad and asked why I hadn't already tested the devices (our term for the the multitude of PCs, laptops, tablets, printers, PDAs, and other handheld devices) last week. Simple answer. Because until last night/early this morning they hadn't been installed. She couldn't understand how the installing department hadn't been able to put them in when it should have been done last Wednesday. Another simple answer: because the contractors were still working yesterday. Honestly, how do you install computers when you don't even have countertops to put them on or jacks or power outlets? The construction guys were literally painting around me today as I worked. I'm half stupid from inhaling all the fumes and killing my brain cells.

I explained all this to her, but she was not appeased. She didn't like being kept out of the loop--I tried to gently remind her that I asked her on Monday if the unit was going to be ready considering it didn't even have a functioning toilet. After she left, I proceeded to print out all the e-mails over the past week concerning the delays. Every email I started began with "are the printers set up yet?"

Despite her attempt smooth her over-reaction (apologies aren't really necessary in the work force, don't you agree?), I was already on way to being a crankysaurus. Granted, I tend to be funny when I'm cranky, but only because I'm mean. Just last week our secretary turned to me and said, "You're short, but you're mean". I guess you aren't supposed to be both.

Fortunately I genuinely like the people I work with. Honestly, most of us are good natured and are cognizant of the fact that we are going to get tossed into the rubbage heap and we have to work as a team to get the hell out. Kind of like that scene from Star Wars when Luke, Han Solo (ahh, Harrison Ford) and Princess Leia are stuck in trash compactor with the weird snake lurking under the garbage water. They yelled at each other the whole time, but they managed to get out together. I think. It's been years since I've seen it.

Anyway, by 5 PM I'm getting pretty hungry and that 15 minute snarf session 6 hours prior is a distant memory. By 6 PM I'm down right snarly and each time I have to test print a Word document it says something like let me out of here, do you hate me or something, how come I am still here when everyone else got to leave? Evidently when you educate yourself on multiple applications you became that girl, Ms. Popular. At this point I know I can say pretty much anything to anyone and they can't say a word about it because I don't have a replacement.

At 7:15 PM I finally announce that I am leaving. I walk back to my building and wouldn't you know it, it is locked up tight. I'd like to say I didn't use any "language", but then I'd be lying. I walked back over and decided that after all the assistance I have given the Help Desk they had better loan me their spare key. The last time I got locked out I had to call security and it wasn't pretty. After waiting 20 impossibly long minutes the security guard walks over, unlocks my door, opens it for me, proceeds to follow me and locks the door behind us. I kid you not. I thought I was about to be raped. He then asked (gag) "is there anything else I can help open?" Yeah, you can open an incident report and save me the trouble of reporting you. Gross. So not really a fan of calling security and getting stuck with Officer Sicko.

It's just been one of those days after a series of one of those days. So what do I do when I am stressed and should either be walking it off or sleeping it off? I started cooking and baking. At 9:30 at night. I must be crazy, but at least I should have a lot of extra food to stock my freezer with. At the rate I'm going I shouldn't have to work very long on Friday--actually, I may be home by 9 am because I have run out of hours!

Laments of the Lonely part II

2008-08-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a hickey and realized two things:

I am a deep sleeper
I sleep alone

Close inspection revealed the hickey exactly matched the jade necklace that I wear every day right down to the gold inlayed message. I wasn't sure whether I was relieved that I hadn't been molested by an alien in the middle of the night...or a little disappointed.

(I'm not really lonely, I just noticed the hickey this morning and thought it was kind of funny. I was talking to Sarah yesterday right before I walked into the Chinese restaurant and realized that some of my behaviors are very lonely/single girl behaviors. Then tonight I went to Kroger and got one of the basket...and a big box of cat litter. Oy, I'm the very stereotype of a single girl.)

Hi, my name is Erica and I'm addicted...

2008-08-01T18:03:00.001-05:00

to Chinese food. I'm starting to get embarrassed because I am now visiting my local establishment about once a week. Perhaps I shouldn't be embarrassed, but I get tired of pretending to actually browse the take-out menu when I have absolutely no intention of even trying most of those foods. It's not that I think I won't like it and it's that I am afraid of it (puh-leeze, I've eaten chicken's feet prepared every possibly way in Hong Kong in addition to duck's tongue, duck's brain and an assortment of other unidentified foods I'd rather not know about. I'm not gustatorily shy), but for $8 a pop I want to have the most enjoyment out of every meal I buy so that means buying what I really, really like.

For the longest time I celebrated my Friday nights going to an east-side establishment because they most resembled the HK style noodles I have grown to love. For some reason it has become my comfort food and by Friday nights, baby, I need some comfort. But after a little Chinese restaurant opened less than 2 miles from my home with a similar style of food I began frequenting it. A couple of weeks a go I was slightly embarrassed by the frequency of my visits so I attempted the east side only to learn they were under renovation. I swallowed my pride and returned to the neighborhood place.

Has it been 10 minutes yet? I think my order is ready. I'll talk to ya'll later.

Outsmarted by a 20 month-old and other realizations from the church nursery

2008-07-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's true. I was corrected by a 20 month-old today. Did it hurt my pride? Nah, it was pretty funny. Adrienne, the smarty pants, was playing with the baby swing...you know the kind where you dial a number and it rocks little babies? That one. There is a buckle system to snap the baby in in the event the swinging gets too vigorous or the baby slides out. She was trying to get one of the four corresponding snaps to fit together. As I watched her I tried to correct her, "No, Adrienne, I don't think those go together."

Boy was I wrong. To prove to the girl that I was right I attempted to put the two snaps together that I thought went together. They didn't fit. So I tried her way--wow, it worked! Fortunately she didn't gloat and I apologized for being an idiot.

Kids like me. I have never understood why. I've never been one of those women that went out of my way to seek out babies at the grocery store. I will smile and wave at them if I see them staring, but I do not engage otherwise. Well, for whatever reason kids like me and it isn't long before they try to get close. Eve, a very allergic 6 month-old, decided I was awesome today. Her mom plopped her down across the room and within a few minutes she crawled over to me and wanted to play only with me. That sounds lovely, but did you forget the allergy part? The poor girl's eyes were constantly dripping, her nose was a faucet and when she sneezed (which was every few minutes) snot would go flying everywhere. Oh, did I mention she's a puker? Yeah, poor Eve proceeded to puke up everything her mother had just fed her. After 8 spit-ups I lost count. I've never seen anything like it--fluids were leaking out of this kid all over. And because she liked me so much many of them wound up on me. Yep, I walked out of there with booby juice spit up in various degrees of drying on my pants.

And people wonder why I really didn't want to work the nursery?

I like the kids, I really do, but I think it's more precious when the child is your own.

Oh, stay tuned, I'm going to be posting some pics and videos of my last weekend tonight or tomorrow. There are some things I don't post until I've had a chance to shock my family.

Funny!

2008-07-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

I don't usually like to send out dumb emails, but I received one from a co-worker today that I wanted to share with all of you. Please, do not eat or drink anything while you are reading. I don't want to be responsible for any choking or spit-up on the screen. I tried reading this at work, but I didn't want my co-workers to know I was reading garbage so I tried to stifle laughter, but then I had tears running down my face. Enjoy!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax, yeah...right!") I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to
pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my finger over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...(remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?) I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
SEALED SHUT!!!!
MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!
SEALED SHUT!!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!******

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter...... "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and. OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens
out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......

It's with great joy...

2008-07-23T20:05:00.001-05:00

that I finally get to let the cat out of the bag! Kristen received a referral on a little girl just over a week ago and I couldn't be more thrilled! You can read all about it on her blog that I linked above. I can keep a secret, but I sure don't like to!

She called me on the Friday before last while I was leading a class of pharmacists and nurses. Since Mom was diagnosed with cancer I have started keeping my cell phone with me at work, but I forgot to turn my ringer off. All of the sudden "Baby Got Back" started playing. Yes, that is really her ring tone. I gave it to her and another adoption buddy so I would always know when they were calling. Anyway, the class started snickering as I walked out of the classroom to find out what was going on. The first thing she asked was, "are you sitting down?". What???

Once I was firmly planted against the wall she shared the news. I was and am still very excited for her! Please stop by and congratulate her on this wonderful news.

I can't wait to meet her, Kristen!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

2008-07-15T18:45:00.001-05:00

I realized that I have been a very bad blogger the past couple of months. My sincerest apology, but let me explain. Lately I have spent a considerably longer time staring at my computer at work. About 9 hours to be exact. I am involved in testing on a HUGE project that is set to go live in a few weeks and I literally sit in a hot little room crammed full of computers and people and repeatedly test and troubleshoot errors. Strangely enough, I like the work, but it gets harder to return emails in the evening or blog. The other night Michael and I were IM'ing and I finally said "can I just call you? My eyes are shot". Starting today, I will be locked in a room with 6 other people just testing, but at least this new testing room is air-conditioned! In fact, tomorrow it is going to feel like factory work since our goal is to test and fix 800 meds. Evidently we have 2,700 medications that need tested between now and the end of the week (yay, I'm off on Friday!). The plus side? I have been partnered up with a super cute guy, married of course, but quite cute and charming! It certainly makes the day pass faster.

As I mentioned I will be off on Friday. Kris and I had initially planned a fun 4 day weekend that included a trip to Chicago for the Summer festival in Chinatown. Our little mini-vacation plans have changed considerably, but hell or high water I am leaving this town!

Happy Birthday and Happy LID!

2008-07-12T16:51:00.001-05:00

I am dedicating this post to this man:

This is Wes. Wes is my brother-in-law and he is 37 years-old today. I feel sorry for him. The poor guy had NO idea what he was getting into when he married into this family. That should be obvious by the Oral Me T-shirt he received as a Christmas gift from Chennie last year. He was a real sport about it, but I think he was embarrassed to even have this photo taken. For the longest time I couldn't figure out how Wes knew so much about me--or how my sister did for that matter. Sarah finally spilled the beans; Wes reads my blog everyday. Yep, cyber stalked by my own B-I-L. (just kidding, Wes. I like that you read. It saves on phone bills)

I like Wes. He has been a good addition to our family and I love the fact that Sarah married a guy that is a lot like me! Haha...talk about sibling revenge.

So, if you read this post, please leave a Happy Birthday note for Wes. Evidently only two people have remembered his birthday so far.

Oh, and today is my 17 month LID. As I told Kris, it could be worse. We could be at 1 or 7. I'm glad it's 17. I'm also glad it's not 71. Ok, this is starting to sound like Sesame Street!

Consistency

2008-07-05T18:33:00.001-05:00

Is it too much to expect a certain level of consistency? I admit--I'm a creature of habit. I base present expectations on past experiences, but who doesn't? As humans, this is how we are designed and it was for good reason. You learn not to mess with bees after you step on one, don't you?

So, on June 5th my coordinator e-mails me and wants to know the status of my 171H. Have I received the new one? Nope. I'd had a sticky note stuck to my computer for weeks reminding me to re-apply for a new I-600A. In fact I had to move it if I wanted to see my URL bar. Did I do anything about it. Nope. Did it matter that I was expiring in less than 6 weeks? Nope. Did I consider the fact that it took 3 months the last time? Nope. Are you sensing a lack of excitement this time around? Yep.

Ok, so the e-mail from Melissa put my butt in gear and I promised to send it ASAP. And I did, I emailed it the following day. Within 10 days I received a notice that my updated home study was missing. I know it wasn't, but I e-mailed by home study agency and they sent a new one immediately. Only two days after receiving that notice I received another letter notifying me that my fingerprint appointment was in about 10 days. Huh?

So I got my fingerprints taken earlier this week to little fanfare (my skin was so dried out they made me put Corn Husker's Oil on--ewww). Imagine my surprise when I arrived home this evening to find my new 171H. All I could think is "What the he**?" I wish it had been that easy last time. I wish it had taken less time last time because I was stressing the deadline so bad my hair started falling out. I will say, I have been reassigned to a new Adjudications Officer and maybe that is making the difference? Either way, I'm happy it arrived and I'm wondering...how long will it take next time?

I went home to visit the 'rents for the 4th and we had a good time. Actually, I had an HGTV time and it was awesome. I'm going to start applying to see if I can be on one of their shows--darn it, I need a new yard!

I also took some cool pics of the fireworks. Enjoy!

There are a couple that I think I will frame because they turned out so cool. I love having a fireworks setting on my camera!

Mom wanted me to tell everyone that she is doing great! She is cancer free, will NOT need radiation therapy and has been walking 5 miles a day. Yeah, 6 days post-op and she was back to walking 5 miles a day. Wow, she's amazing.

Huh?

2008-07-02T18:45:00.001-05:00

TV is usually kind of boring for me (I don't have cable) so I generally just flip through channels settling on a program for a few minutes before flipping to something new. Last night I landed on ABC, but because I caught it a few minutes into the program, I was totally lost. I honestly thought they were joking when they were referring to monkeys as "adopted kids". Seriously. They wanted to have perpetual children so they were "adopting" monkeys. Unfortunately for them, all monkeys eventually go bad. I couldn't help but think, is this really the best language to use? If babygirl had been watching that with me, what would she have thought? I kept waiting for the punch line or a person to jump out and shout "candid camera!" but it never happened. What the heck? Check it out here. http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/popup?id=5255121 and there is quote from the website:

It's estimated that there are 15,000 monkeys purchased as pets or surrogate children and living with humans in the United States alone. While many of the people who buy the monkeys may treat them as if they were little humans, these primates are from the South American rainforest and in their normal habitat spend two-thirds of the day feeding and hunting for their dinner.

If you want a child, adopt a child. If you want a pet, get a dog. These are not domesticated animals and they are certainly not replacements for human children.

The Terminator

2008-06-30T21:17:00.001-05:00

Most of you have probably figured out by now that I'm a little ornery. I tend to walk the line between inappropriate and...well, I'm not sure what the and is, but I thought you might enjoy this story.

For the most part I really enjoy my co-workers. There are a couple that I'd gladly tell to take a hike, but for the most part they are pretty cool people. On Friday I went to work at my usual butt-crack-of-dawn time and the lights weren't even on in the building (no, I'm not a morning person but it allows me to get a parking spot within walking distantance and I get out earlier too).

As I got off the elevator I noticed two of my co-workers talking by the glow of the emergency lights. They were asking me how mom is doing (awesome, by the way. The crazy lady walked 3 miles today), but I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying because as they were talking I saw the biggest hairy-ass cockroach scurry between us the run under the office door of the other Erica. I really didn't even think, I just unlocked her door and stepped on the darn thing before it could scurry any further. Although I had a nice satisfying crunch when I stepped on it the dumb bug wouldn't die. It's antennae were still whirling about trying to do whatever cockroach antennae do. Standing there with this massive (it was 1 1/2 inches, I tell ya) cockroach I had a bright idea. I grabbed a Post-It note wrote "Happy Birthday" across it and placed it next to the sticky bug. Since it was her 40th Birthday I thought she would get a kick out of it.

Yeah, she did. I think there was a little fast stepping when she first laid eyes on it, but ever a tough chic, she didn't scream. That stupid bug had actually crawled another 6-8 inches away. Realizing the gig was up, I grabbed him with a tissue and had my second bright idea (I'm a firm believer in recycling, even if it is recycling a bad joke). I went into the hall bathroom and tried flicking him off the tissue and into the toilet bowl. After the third flick I realized he was probably going to land in my hair rather than the toilet so I laid him gently on top of the water. And I didn't flush.

I like to refer to hall toilet as the dumping toilet. Since ALL but one employee has their own toilet in their office (see the bathroom humor post about a week or so back for more info) there is really no reason to use that toilet unless you are going to take a crap and don't want any of the neighboring offices to hear you.

Well, I got the other Erica again. She went in to take her morning dump and there he was, floating on top of the bowl looking bigger than ever and with his antennae still twitching. I wasn't on the floor when she went in, but I would have loved to have seen her face when she dropped her drawers, lowered her butt to the bowl and saw that stupid bug still twitching away.

It wasn't long before the story got around the hospital. The pharmacists started calling me "The Terminator" and a couple of people told me that they'd had a really bad day, but every time they thought of that cockroach they would start to laugh. I called Mom to tell her about it on Friday night we were both laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. The poor woman probably stressed her internal stitches after the laugh we had. It was awesome, but I'm betting those of you that are reading are not getting near the enjoyment out of it. Even as I write this story, I am laughing. That bug had 9 lives!

SuperWoman

2008-06-26T17:27:00.003-05:00

I have always teased my mom for being so strong. "Freakishly" strong is usually how I describe her. I have to admit, I was really dreading what she was going to look like post-op. I've had surgeries, actually I've had a handful and I've cried before and after every one of them. I hate them and I'm sure I was projecting some of what I was feeling on to my mom and I just hated that she had to go through it. Unless someone has had surgery, they have no idea what it is like. I hate the thought of being knocked out....and then what? You wake up knowing some sort of trauma has occurred, but you are so snowed by the drugs you can't put two thoughts together, you are scared, you are in pain, everyone talks too loud, the lights are too bright and I'm always puking. I didn't want this for her. Well, I needn't worry about it. She is definitely retaining her SuperWoman title. I've told her and I've told my Dad (I doubt my mom actually believes me), but she has recovered amazingly well. I'm a nurse and I've NEVER seen anyone recover from that surgery that quick. I've taken care of women that had vaginal hysterectomies that took 3 days for them to get to the place they were walking. Within 8 hours of surgery she was insisting on fluids and wanted to sit on the side of the bed and practice standing. Within 24 hours of surgery, she was walking, eating solid foods, using oral pain meds. She's amazing and I want to thank everyone that prayed for her. I'm simply blown away by how good she did and continues to do.

And for whatever reason I can not get the photos of my mom load on here tonight. I'll see if they can send me copies and hopefully I can post them tomorrow.

Thank you everyone that sent good wishes and prayers her direction...she is obviously better for it!

Doing Good

2008-06-24T20:26:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update to let everyone know that Mom is really doing well. The surgeon was very encouraged and surprised to learn that the cancer/tumor was not as big as they originally thought. Thank you, Jesus! She thought everything looked really clean, but couldn't say for certain until the pathology reports came back.

It was a little scary to see her in so much pain and confusion post-op. The drugs have certainly done a number on her! By this evening she was semi-alert and talking. She asked the nurse if she could get up and they were all amazed that she was in such a hurry to get up and start moving. After standing and proving to herself and others that she could she promptly told us all "goodnight, time for bed" and she checked out for the evening...at 7 pm.

My mom wants to have photo documentation of the entire process so she asked the surgical team to take pictures of her in the OR before they knocked her butt out. She has this really incredible picture of her standing next to her OR bed and in between two hot, but gowned and gloved men. She looked like she was getting ready to get on a carnival ride--she had such a goofy smile on her face! At the time they took the photo she was drug free. I will try to post that photo tomorrow.

We have certainly appreciated the prayers. She said she wasn't nervous going in and the pictures certainly prove it.

9:30 AM, Tuesday, June 24th

2008-06-23T19:45:00.001-05:00

I wasn't sure how to title this post. I kept vacillating between the date and "The Longest Summer Ever" even though I know it is still only June. For some reason the last four weeks of my life have absolutely dragged by (drag, drug ? not sure the verb tense).

My mom's surgery has been moved up to 9:30 and while this may sound like a strange request, I'm asking for everyone that reads this blog between now and then to send a prayer or a thought her direction. Better yet, share it with your friends or post a message on your blogs asking for prayer.

I will be keeping this blog updated and my dad will keep her blog updated (yes, the Mad Mama's mama has a blog) as long as the hospital has free Internet service.

We are hoping that she will soon be able to wear the "Survivor" bracelet she bought right after the diagnosis. In the meantime, we are going to try and have some fun with this (yes, I know, how can we possibly think there is fun in this--but you would have to know my family to understand. This is just how we cope).

My mom has always been the healthiest person I know. She never gets sick. Never stops working. She's the freakin' Energizer Bunny and I've grown up hearing her say to both my sister and me "I don't know why you two are such weenies. I come from strong people" or "are you sick again? You didn't get that from me". Yeah, peeps, she is tough as nails. I'm pretty sure she will be able to out-run me, out arm-wrestle me for years to come--so the fact that we are going to see SuperWoman appear to be human for a few days is quite an amazing thing. Scary, for sure, but we all plan on taking advantage of it. I'm thinking we are going to have contests on which of the three of us (my dad included) can hit the pain pump button the most on her behalf, or bet on the number of staples on her belly, or help her to the toilet (I'm thinking that one will be a game of 'who touched her last?').

I hope that you will keep my mother and our family in your prayers over the next couple of days.

Bathroom humor

2008-06-18T16:05:00.001-05:00

I think I'm going to have to start shutting my door at work when I have to poop.

Ok, let me back that up and explain. The building I work in is a converted nursing home so my office used to be a patient's room. Actually, two patients. As such, I have a bathroom in my office. Sweet, right? Not quite.

I have IBS. That is no mystery. I have to poop a lot. And usually with very little "wait and see" time. And I'm sometimes loud--especially if I had the lettuce off the salad bar for lunch. The door to the bathroom is next to the door of my office which exits out into the hall. Because these used to be patient bathrooms, they aren't exactly sound proof. Truth be told, you can hear better sitting on the can than any place in the building. I can hear the guy in the next office also sitting on the can. I can hear the people in the office across the hall whispering. I can the meeting being held at the end of the hall. So if I can hear all that...can they hear me?

The answer is you betcha! My office mate is out all week for training (not that my bowel issues bother her at all), but as I was coming out of my bathroom the other day following my first post-lunch dump, I see two help desk employees sitting in my office waiting for me. You've got to be kidding me! So, the whole time I'm taking care of bidness, they are listening in absolute silence. They could have knocked, they could have started talked amongst themselves, but nope, they were there for the whole show.

Unfortunately this isn't the first time this has happened. They sneak in like rodents waiting for me to exit my throne. So, do I need to start shutting my exterior door every time I go? Perhaps. Of course, that's like hanging a sign on the door that says "Go Away. I have to poop." Plus, since they are usually there there to replace or repair my computer equipment (and it is so darn hard to get them over there) I don't really want them to turn and leave.

What do I do? Before long the entire department is going to know of my personal bowel issues.

A short letter to my local USCIS office:

2008-06-17T19:56:00.001-05:00

YOU SUCK.

Sincerely,

Mad Mama

Ok, those of you that have known me for the past couple of years and have watched my many twists and turns through adoption-land, know the trouble I have had with my local USCIS office.

About two weeks ago my coordinator emailed me to check on the status of my new 171H. Oops, I'll get right on that. The homestudy was done, I finished that a few months ago, I was just lazy about making copies of the rest of the stuff. So, two weeks ago and with 6 weeks left until my expiration, I mailed my stuff off. I received a letter today from the USCIS office and I stupidly hoped that it was my fingerprint appointment. Now why would I have such a stupid thought? They want more information. Evidently they LOST the home study update that was sent in late April/early May. What the hell? So now I have less than a month before my stuff expires and I'm hoping they won't lose anything else. I've contacted my home study peeps and I'm sure she will mail it off tomorrow or the next day. Let's hope nothing else goes missing from my file.

Oh, but the good news is that I finally made it into the Review Room! Whoo hoo! That's pretty exciting and if I hadn't spent all night barfing, I might actually be a bit more psyched, but I don't want to mess up the tummy. Let's just say I won't be eating hamburger again for a while. Ugh. The thought of that makes me want to puke all over again. Unfortunately I have an aversion to puking in toilets (why would you stick your face where you normally poop? I don't get it.) which made for a real messy clean-up. I wish I could have called my mama for that one!

I ventured out this evening because I wanted to test if I was strong enough to return to work tomorrow. I drove to the gas station because my gas light was on and I desperately wanted some 7-Up. I look like hell, I know that. I'm pasty white, nearly gray. My hair is short and sticking up all over, my breath smells like puke and I'm wearing yesterday's undies and my jammies. Yeah, so I'm looking pretty hot. The guy behind the counter is Indian and says to me "very pretty picture, your license." Are you freakin' kidding me? I respond "yeah, I look a lot better when I don't have the flu". I look like crap, my voice sounds like crap, and I smell like crap. Yeah, it's a good day. Can't wait to go back to work tomorrow...

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T18:17:00.000-05:00

...from my grill to your's.

I know there are a lot of single ladies out there being both mom and dad to their kids. I celebrate you along with all the dads today. Happy Father's Day!

Thoughts of my daughter...

2008-06-13T19:29:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I celebrated (?)/remembered/pondered/marked the day I logged my dossier into the CCAA. Yes, it has been 16 months. I assume that people think I have just moved on, but I haven't. I think of my daughter every day. I miss the nights where I dreamed of her. When I saw her face and smelled her skin and watched her grow. My sweet, sweet child. I feel I have known you for so long now. Your name is always on my lips and it is all I can do to hold it back. My co-workers don't know of you, but I find myself catching myself before blurting "MayLing" or "My daughter...." You are my little miracle. My gift from God. The child that opened up my life and rocked my world. Without even seeing you, you somehow turned my heart from stone to the softest suede. How did you do that? I imagine your personality and every time I think you are going to be my wild child--a child of all heart and soul that challenges me and my notions of right and wrong. I can't wait to learn what you are going to teach me. Until then, I pray every night that God give me just a little more time with you. Those moments when my dreams seep into my reality sustain me in ways I can not express. I remember the feeling of your skin against mine--oh, how it felt so real! I could still feel you when I awoke and the emptiness in my arms felt strangely awkward. Sweet dreams, baby girl, until we meet again in twilight.

PSA

2008-06-12T19:45:00.001-05:00

While there are a lot of male bloggers out there, adoption blogging still remains a woman's domain for the most part. I have learned that I have a couple of men that follow my blog and as one woman told me why her husband reads "he thinks you're funny". Michael reminded me this weekend that it has been a while I have had a poop story and while I probably have some butt-ammo on that one (especially since Michael introduced me to Kashi high fiber cereal. Really? Do we need more than 1/3 of our daily requirement in the first hour that we are awake? I don't think so) because I had about 16-18 grams of fiber before 10 am yesterday. Yikes.

Anywho, I wanted to give the men the opportunity to "check out" before I go on. The blogs during the month of June will primarily focus on women's health--or lack thereof. There will be some information that men may not really want to know about women. I've heard some men profess surprise to learn that women fart. Are you kidding me? I can out-fart about any man I know--and usually I'm holding back the big ones (I don't want to embarrass them).

So, today's PSA (public service announcement) is very specific to the female "parts" and may be a bit graphic for some. I did get the affected party's expressed permission before retelling her harrowing account. Her name or location will not be revealed.

If you are a girl, you know what this is:All of us have at least one because we often get them for free when we buy soap or "specialty" bath products. I think that is code for overpriced, smelly stuff that we slather on our skin. This woman relayed this story to me:

I was washing up this morning and I had one of those scrunchy wash thingys. I usually have the rope around my wrist so I don't drop my scrunchy. Well, after I finished washing south of the border I couldn't find the string. I looked all over the shower floor and couldn't find it. As I stood up I felt a pinch in my you know and spread my legs to check. Sure enough, that little bastard was up there. The rough end of it had gotten stuck up there and when I yanked on it (insert laughter on my part because I was picturing the worst tampon string ever), well, that scrunchy molested me. It actually tore a piece of my skin out! But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was as I was getting ready to leave for work--I used the bathroom and my pee burned so bad I was almost sick! There should be a warning label on those things.

So there you have it ladies--it's not the Salmonella on your cutting board or the floating poop particles on your toothbrush you need to worry about. You really need to look at your more intimate products and make sure they can't hurt you!

Pace yourself

2008-06-08T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those all or none kind of people. I either want to mow the entire yard at one time or not at all. Once I start on something I want to complete it. I've been known to sit through really horrible movies and read through really horrible books just so I could finish them. There isn't much that I start that I don't finish.

In the spring (uh, two weeks ago) when the weather was nice I just didn't have the physical or emotional energy to work on my yard. I was exhausted for a number of reasons, some that I have shared on here, many that I have not. Because of that, I missed the planting and yard prep season. So what did I decide to do? I decided to wait until it is in the 90s to suddenly attack my overgrown weed plot that used to be a garden. In stead of pacing myself over a couple of days, I decided to do it all today. In the 90s. I didn't feel anything but the sweat on my brow and the sun on my neck until I finished. Then I pulled my work gloves off and noticed that I went beyond blistering my skin (I probably blistered two hours ago), I tore the flesh deep into my hand. On both hands where the fingers and palm meet, I am raw. I guess I won't be mowing the grass today...or tomorrow.

Here we go again

2008-06-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Looks like it's time to grab the cat and hide in the bath tub again. I just had my cable and internet restored and here we go again...

Hellacious weather continues

2008-06-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

Wow, I thought Friday night was bad (the tornados), but I think the past 24 hrs have been worse! Last night we had some nasty storms roll through, but they didn't affect us too much here--mostly rain and lots of thunder and lightening. During the night (3? 4? I have no idea) we had another round go through that shook the house and and as I slipped into work around the butt-crack-of-dawn this morning I managed to get in minutes before another round hit us. Honestly, it was like a monsoon out there. I normally LOVE thunderstorms--to this day I still like to stand out on the patio and get soaked with rain, but today was another story. Today just sitting next to the window at work made me nervous. The street lights came on yesterday afternoon and didn't turn off until late morning today. It got sunny and hot (HOT & HUMID--I hate this stuff already) this afternoon and we were all deluded into thinking it was over. WRONG. I happened to look at the weather screen at work and noticed that there was a big pile of red over the town my parents live in the next state over that would be heading towards us. I was smart and decided to call it a day. I barely got home and it hit again. I had no power for a couple of hours and because it was storming so hard (at 4 in the afternoon) it was pitch black in my house. I admit, I was a little bit nervous. Lightening lit up the house and thunder shook my foundations for over two hours! When it finally cleared I surveyed the damage. This is my neighbor's yard next door: This is my back yard:

This is more of her yard.

Should I also mention that we are all on septic tanks back here? Ick. In addition, I now have new mulch in my yard! The guy living in the house behind me just mulched ALL his trees this weekend. It's now mine. All mine (insert evil laugh here).

While this may look minor, it actually got worse as I ventured onto the road. Of course trees and branches were down, but the hard rain and fast current actually washed the gravel driveways down to the road. There were piles of stone everywhere across the roadway making it treacherous. As I ventured further I saw where the storm or rain had actually pulled up the asphalt and tossed it into neighboring yards. At a friend's house her road was essentially gone and they had something else that was kind of funky--it looked as if someone had grabbed the edge of the grass and just pulled it up and off the lawn. The sod was rolled up over itself. I have never seen that before during any storms here and I have lived here nearly a decade.

Downtime the streets and businesses were flooded and some reported the water was waist high in areas. You could actually see cars bobbing around as they sat parked in lots. Every time the bus would force itself through the water it would create ripples that caused the cars to float and bump into each other. Please pray for those affected by the storms because I don't think flood damage is covered on most insurance plans whether it is for home, business or car.

Because I just can't stop myself

2008-06-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

well girl, goodbye,
after thirty-eight years.
thirty-eight years and you
never arrived
splendid in your red dress
without trouble for me
somewhere, somehow.

now it is done,
and i feel just like
the grandmothers who,
after the hussy has gone,
sit holding her photograph
and sighing, wasn't she
beautiful? wasn't she beautiful?

~Poem to My Uterus

by Lucille Clifton

That's right, Mom, the count down to U-day has officially begun!

...you take your uterus out and you shake it all about

2008-05-31T22:07:00.000-05:00

Well, we finally have a date. As much as I wish that sounded like something good, it's the date of my mom's surgery. And as scary as it is to have major surgery I am looking forward to one thing: seeing my mom drunk off her a** from a narcotic pain pump. She's isn't going to know what hit her! Whenever we are all together she always keeps her eyes open to any shenanigans that Dad, Sarah and I might get into. She's afraid (rightfully so) that we are teaming up on her. Well, I dare her to try to keep even one lid open for us while on the goofy juice.

I always thought it was fun trying to get g'ma drunk on the holidays, but this is going to be so much better. So, on June 24th I hope you will join with me and raise your glass (or whatever your chemical agent of choice) and toast my mom as her uterus takes one for the team. Thanks, Uterus, we had some good times and I'll never forget your contribution to my own life. Why, without you, I wouldn't be here!

Cheers!

Going out of business...

2008-05-28T16:44:00.001-05:00

On Friday my dad called me the news after speaking to my mom's specialist/surgeon. In his own words "they are going to gut her like a Christmas Turkey!"

I actually prefer to think of it like the sign above: her uterus is going out of business and everything else must go!

We are still waiting to hear from the surgery scheduler which is why I haven't updated the blog. I really wanted to have something more permanent to share--a date that everyone can focus all their prayers on (not that it matters, but there is nothing like strength in numbers...).

I want to apologize to a distant family member that learned the news from reading my blog. I'm so sorry you found out that way--I know Mom was waiting before she knew something more before she told people. Actually, I don't think she's told anyone outside of the immediately family. I'm the one blabbing it to the world wide web and soliciting prayers everywhere I go. My poor mom...if she ever meets any of my co-workers I'm sure she will get "the look". I think people give a look any time they know something bad is going on. They don't know how else to respond to you, but they give a look half way between pity and deer-in-the-headlights-please-don't-cry-in-front-of-me look. Yeah, I'm already getting that look and I'm not even the one with cancer!

The amount of support I have gotten from people is amazing. I'm amazed at how quickly I am learning about the diagnosis, but also what it does to those in the rest of the family. It really does affect the entire family and ripples out from there. I'm also learning there are things you just don't say. For example:

She'll be fine. You'll see! How the **** do you know?
It's not a death sentence anymore. They have really made great advances in cancer care. Oh yeah, well then why do so many people still die from it? I'm not an idiot, I'm a nurse. This isn't the first time I've seen cancer.
This will really be a good time for your family to bond together and fight this. This isn't war, people. Besides, we were already an incredibly tight family. I don't think cancer is going to affect that much at all. Maybe in your family, but not mine.

From actually works:

I'm so sorry. I will keep your mother and your family in my prayers.
What can I do to help?
The same thing happened with my [mother, father, brother, sister...fill in the blank]. If you need someone to talk to please let me know.
If you know support services that might be of benefit please share that information, but keep the crazy ass diet suggestions to yourself. There will be no shark fin caplets or meeting with a Sioux shaman.

And now a word from my mother:

You can let the people know on your blog that I appreciate all the concern and prayers for our family. I read the comments and the people were so caring. My life feels much more normal so I think I have adjusted to the cancer news or it could be the peace of God that I'm getting from all the prayers. I believe it is God answering prayer.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the prayers that you have sent on my mother's behalf.

Survivor

2008-05-22T21:14:00.001-05:00

Some of you know this woman. She has an unintentional sense of humor, a highly analytical mind, is very wise, never admits when she is wrong, will give you an answer even if it is not the correct answer to the question. She is incredibly strong of body and mind (do not arm wrestle this woman!).

Her resume includes wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, counselor and now, cancer survivor.

Today my mother was diagnosed with endometrial cancer.

Please keep her and the the rest of our little family in your prayers.

Honest to goodness snail chain mail

2008-05-19T21:02:00.001-05:00

Wow, it has been years since I have even heard the phrase "chain mail". Now we have the digital version with crazy emails going around promising that if you make a wish and send it to your twenty closest friends that your wish will come true! I'm guessing most people in adoption land scoff (especially in the China program) because we have wished, prayed and promised our days away waiting for our kids.

Anyway, I received my first snail chain mail since I was probably 12. Evidently you spread the paper prayer rug under your bed, say a prayer, send some money (along with prayers for whatever dollar amount you need) and viola, you receive money! Evidently if you look into Jesus's eyes (on the paper prayer rug) they will initially appear closed, but you will then see them open the longer you focus on it. I have to be honest...the whole thing kind of creeps me out.

You are supposed to return the paper prayer rug before the next sunset or else you will not receive any money. I don't think my PPR has been used, but if it has, ewww. I don't like the thought of how many grubby fingers may have handled it before it arrived on my doorstep.

I'm not bitter and I'm not anti-Christian (far from it if you know me), but the whole premise of God working in such a narrow window (twenty-four hours from letter arrival) seems rather mind boggling when you consider this verse:

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:5-7 NAS

Hmmm...so you mean God will continue to mold me and break me and stretch me into the person I'm meant to be regardless of this piece of crap mailing?

Yep, and for further affirmation:

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

For more information on the man spreading the "good news" check this website: http://george.loper.org/trends/2003/Apr/815.html

And to totally change the subject, I was flipping through the channels and came across the show "One Tree Hill". Is it just music? I think Rambo movies have more dialogue. Am I missing something?

Ahhh, a wonderful weekend

2008-05-18T15:15:00.001-05:00

The last time Kristen came down for a weekend, we celebrated our 12 month LID and the fact that the CCAA had finally cleared the last of 2005. This time I think our theme should be "eating our way through Indiana".

On Friday we went to Nashville, a wonderful little town that I never remember we have until she visits. Really, how cute is this store?!? We both bought little mom and babe socks at one of the local stores that produces original socks. They also produce the sock-wear for several NBA teams and others that I now have forgotten.

One of the first stops we made was at a candy store...we were literally like two kids in a candy store. I want some of that, and some of that, oh, and some of that! What kind of moms are we going to be? Well, probably moms with hidden sugar issues. We had an awesome day there and the weather cooperated beautifully! I think rain was forecast all weekend, but it magically ended when she arrived on Thursday.

On Saturday, we did some last minute shopping at Lowe's and I found the perfect curtains for MayLing's room! I'm not kidding...absolutely perfect. They were exactly what I had been imagining, but hadn't been able to find and they were cheap! Plus, because they are so long, I should be able to cut off the bottom of the curtain and use that material to re-finish my rocking chair. My mom saved my very first little rocker and now my niece loves to rock in it. The only problem is that it was in my parents garage for many years and needs some TLC before it will be good for the next generation. My poor niece is stuck with a wobbly chair until I get it all figured out.

On Saturday afternoon we painted the final room in my house that needed painted. When I bought the house 2 years ago, every room was painted the same awful beige color. I got most of it painted the first few months I lived here (thanks Mom and Dad!), Dad painted MayLing's room last year, but because this room has some seriously heavy furniture that I couldn't move by myself, I didn't paint it when I was laid off. Many, many thanks to Kristen for volunteering to help when we could have been shopping or doing something far more interesting. Fortunately for her, she knows I don't have anything left to paint!

Last night, though exhausted, we decided to make a run to Wal-Mart for a couple of items. Who knew it would take the Wal-Mart staffers nearly an hour to figure out where the key was to the propane tank cage, find the correct key, and then find a full tank? Well, not me. The good news is that I finally have my grill and my tank so I am ready to start grilling! I'm kind of pooped today, but I think I will attempt something tomorrow or Tuesday.

Favorite comment from this weekend spoken by a very young salesperson in Nashville: "But he's black" when she learned that Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon who is AA and 11 years her junior. Wow, I really can't believe you said that.
Favorite photo: Done! Actually, my favorite photo was of getting tripped up in my futon mattress and being so tired and contorted that I rolled around like a beached whale. Unfortunately, also not a flattering photo.
Favorite meal/food item: definitely the peanut coconut thingys we had in Nashville. Or the wonton soup from yesterday. We had a lot of good options.
Favorite moment: wow, tough pick. I think some of the unspoken ones were my favorite...like Plumber's Crack guy. Thanks for taking one for the team. Or the moment I realized that I really liked the colors that I picked out for the spare bedroom. Or finding the perfect curtains for my daughter's room. How did you know that was exactly what I was wanting?!?

Maternity Leave planned

2008-05-14T19:07:00.002-05:00

As you may remember, I lost my maternity leave last year when I lost my job. I had about six weeks saved up in "sick" time and another month in PTO--I was sitting pretty for having only saved for about a year. I'm still a bit miffed about losing it and while I realize that I will likely save up the required time while I continue with my 4-5 year ~~sentence~~ wait for MayLing.

I did learn, however, that the great state of Indiana is finally adopting a practice that is in place in many other states: incarcerated mothers get to keep their kids with them in special prison units until the child is 18 months. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If I plan things just right...after my final I-600A application and fingerprinting...I could get 18 whole months with babygirl! Of course, MayLing would be an only child since I would be disqualified from ever adopting again, but just think of the bonding time we would have together!

2008-05-12T20:33:00.002-05:00

ggrrhhh. Terri just informed me that my blog ALSO has those horrible squiggly word verifications. Sorry, it didn't show up on the web browser I normally use, but when I switched to Mozilla Firefox I saw it. No worries--I removed it! Happy commenting!

Happy 15 Month LIDversery to me!

2008-05-12T20:15:00.001-05:00

Wow, this is becoming a habit. It's been over a week since I last blogged--I'm sorry. I promise to work on that this week. The truth is I have a lot to say, but by the time I get to the keyboard I am too overwhelmed that my left brain doesn't recall any of the witty banter it was exchanging with the right brain. So, here I sit with nothing to say.

Here is one random thought I've been meaning to mention--I think I have a teensy weensy bit of dyslexia. I check your blogs every day, I truly do, but if your blog requires a "word verification" code in order to leave a comment and the comment is longer than 4 letters and squiggly as hell--well, I can't handle it. You ought to see the number of times I type it out in frustration, submit it and watch it spit out a new code. So, if you haven't heard anything from me, it's nothing personal, I am just incapable to leaving comments right now. For some reason they've started adding more letters and the script is very distorted and no, I'm not a whiny old hag.

Have you ever clicked on the wheelchair sign next to the "word verification" spot? No? Well, I dare you! Don't type anything in, just click on the wheelchair. It's kind of creepy, but I don't want to give it away...you'll just have to check for yourself.

I got some new deodorant yesterday, which really isn't a big deal except that the deodorant I got a few weeks ago has really wrecked my pits. They changed the formula for my usual deodorant and now it is wet and sticky for the first 8 hours of the day. After that it sets in like craft glue and when I attempted to shave my pits the day after wearing the new deodorant I took off a couple of layers of skin. No joke--my sister is my witness and saw the chunks of missing underarm. So I picked up a new one yesterday--different brand and everything. Well, I think I got a men's deodorant because I realize now that the reason I chose it is because it smells like my favorite cologne--on a man. Between the men's deodorant, the sink repair that I completed on Mother's Day AND purchasing my first gas grill yesterday, well, I'm feeling very dudesque.

The grill has given me a hyper-inflated sense of self confidence when it comes to cooking. Truth is, I sweat it everytime I have someone over for dinner. I want it to be perfect, but now that I have the grill I feel invincible. At the very least, I can blame the bad food on the grill.

My next plan: patio furniture!

A week? Really?

2008-05-04T17:17:00.001-05:00

Wow, it certainly didn't seem like a week, but I guess it has been. It has been an exceptionally busy week and thankfully the bronchitis is finally clearing up. I guess it's time for some bullet points.

Monday--I don't remember. Let's move on.
Tuesday--very busy at work. Major application error that left me at work until after 6 PM. That wouldn't be so bad if I didn't clock in at 7 AM.
Wednesday--more of the same crap. Or, as my dad and Stephen King are quick to say "SSDD". Obama was once again in town and this time he stayed to give a speech. I would have LOVED to have heard it (since I'm still deciding), but my weeds were over a foot tall in places in my yard. Well, that might be an exaggeration, but they were 8-10 inches in some places. Halfway through the yard the self-propel function, the only redeeming thing about a push mower, crapped out. It was actually easier to push it when it wasn't on than when it was on. Then, halfway through finishing the remainder of the yard, I couldn't get the yank cord to work. I was so tired and wheezy by then that I didn't really care.
Thursday--worsening application errors and we finally decided to yank the patch that had been put in place for a different application error despite the vendors assertion that the two problems could NOT be related. Yeah, whatever. Problem fixed. I had a bridal shower party to attend after work and here is my contribution: If you can't figure that one out I really can't help you.
Friday--I was invited to the IS retreat at work, and it was really a lot of fun. I got to spend time with people outside my department and interacted with the help desk staff, networking, and a lot of others in IS department that I don't normally meet with. It was really a lot of fun and it was interesting to think through some problems that could potentially affect us. I did not realize that terrorists (here and abroad) have been hacking or attempting to hack into our utility companies to bring down our infrastructure. Wow. So we discussed what we would do in those situations and how long we could survive as an institution without outside help. We also discussed the earthquakes that hit a couple of weeks ago (and we are still having aftershocks) and how that affected our data centers. Very interesting stuff...probably not for you as you read about it second-hand, but first-hand rocked.
Saturday--I celebrated my dad's birthday with my family and we also used it as a time to clean up my yard. You may remember this post about the tree that came down in my yard. Well, we spent the day cleaning up that mess--which was harder that it looks. The tree is a cedar tree (which I didn't realize until we started burning it and I smelled the wonderful scent of...cedar) and it was likely killed by the overgrowth of vines back there. Unfortunately, many years ago when this neighborhood was beginning to grow, somebody that didn't know better planted English Ivy. This nasty vine will crawl and choke every tree that it can. It can also climb brick houses which then creates problems for the brick. I'm always pulling it off my house, my trees...when the neighbor had his broke-down junker truck parked behind my tree in the backyard I couldn't effectively clear it off my tree because he was parked so close. Within a few months the ivy overtook his truck. Anyway, we got part of the mess cleared out and now I am just waiting for my neighbor to work on her part. Unfortunately there is no point in planting new trees until her messy ivy is cleaned up or it is just going to kill another tree. My mom mowed my grass even though the self-propel is NOT working--thanks Mom! The yard looks immensely better and I hope we will tackle the nasty bush in the front of my house next year.
Sunday--woke up with a very achy body. My forearms and the backs of my legs feel the worst. After church I settled on the couch with the kitty and slept. I woke up to the sounds of "Aliens vs. Predators". For whatever reason, the fastest way to get me to nap is the sound of a TV playing at low volume. Actually, I take that back. Yesterday afternoon my mom was reading my nearly 3 year-old niece a story and it put ME to sleep. Poor MayLing...I may not be able to read her stories for fear of putting her to sleep! When my niece was still a baby, I would rock her to sleep before her nap. Sometimes she wouldn't go out very fast and I'd rock me to sleep before she went out. I woke up one time with her looking up at me and wondering why the rocking had stopped.
Anyway, I think it's probably a bad sign with the most moving thing I have seen all day is the closing scene of Aliens vs. Predators when the Predator tattoos the girl's cheek and gives her a weapon. Yeah, I admit I finished watching the rest of the movie. I'm not proud.

Have a good week!

May 6th is closer than you think

2008-04-27T17:45:00.001-05:00

Ok, it's time for some more Sexy Beijing. Since the Indiana primary is little more than a week away it's obviously on my mind and I still don't know who I'm going to vote for! Maybe I should check in with the other side of the world...

This annoys me...but is it wrong?

2008-04-26T14:29:00.001-05:00

Tom Cruise's son Connor to appear in film

In this Nov. 16, 2006 file photo, Connor Cruise, adopted son of Tom Cruise a...

15 hours ago

LOS ANGELES — The 13-year-old son of Tom Cruise is following in his father's footsteps.

Connor Cruise, the adopted son of Tom Cruise and ex-wife Nicole Kidman, has a minor, non-speaking part in the upcoming Will Smith drama "Seven Pounds," a spokesman for Columbia Pictures confirmed Tuesday.

-OR-

SISTER'S CRUEL TAUNTS DRAW TEARS FROM ADOPTED DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 and adopted. I have always known and have never felt less loved because of it. My mom always said that when you're adopted, you know that you are wanted and loved because nobody gets adopted by accident.

My 14-year-old sister, "Melissa," is our parents' natural child. We were always close, but lately she has decided to be mean to me and tries to hurt me by telling me that I'm not her "real" sister and our parents aren't my "real" parents. This hurts very much. If I cry, she thinks it's funny. She never says it in front of our parents -- she wouldn't dare.

Melissa used to tease me when we were alone in our room, but now she does it in front of her friends, who also laugh at me when I get upset and cry. Melissa would be in big trouble if I told Mom, but I'm afraid it will make her even meaner. I don't want to get her in trouble because, in spite of this, I still love her. I just want her to stop being mean and start treating me like her real sister again. Abby, what should I do? -- REAL SISTER IN TACOMA

DEAR REAL SISTER: Clip this and show it to "Miss Melissa." I have news for her. Parents who raise a child ARE "real" mothers and fathers. And you are as "real" a sister as Melissa is likely to get.

Her behavior is cruel, insensitive and immature. She's doing it because you have allowed her to get away with it. Give your sister one warning. Tell her that if she repeats that nonsense again, you will tell your "real" mother, who also happens to be HER mother. And if she's foolish enough to try it -- follow through.

Ok, it's me again. I don't have children and I obviously am still waiting for MayLing to arrive so I don't know what it is like to parent adopted children, but for those that do, is it annoying when people make the differentiation between your adopted and biological kids? I'm pretty sure it would bother me if someone introduced me as "Erica and her adopted daughter, MayLing". She is my daughter regardless of how she comes to me and people will likely make one of two assumptions when they see us together as a family: either I adopted or I got knocked up by a man of another ethnicity.

We know that Tom Cruise has 3 kids--the media may be whoring after the Suri story, but we still know that he has 3 kids. Same with Nicole Kidman--we know she has 2 kids and 1 on the way. And what about the Jolie-Pitt brood? When their family is mentioned the media always differentiates by referring to their "3 adopted kids and Shiloh". I copied this sentence from an online entertainment magazine: The 32 year-old award winning actress and her heart-throb partner Brad Pitt have a multi-cultural brood consisting of Maddox, six, from Cambodia; Pax, three, from Vietnam; and Zahara, two, from Ethiopia as well as their own child, 17-month-old Shiloh.

Their own child? Give me a break. I'm sure if we asked them they would argue that point. I'd like to think this only happened in the news, but it doesn't. I recently read of one woman's experience when she visited a restaurant. The waitress tried to argue that the woman's child was not her own because he was adopted from another country.

Ugh. I need to think of something good to say when uneducated people spout such things. I don't want my child growing up with a complex--she'll have enough issues to deal with that this doesn't need to be one of them!

Who your baby mama?

2008-04-23T18:46:00.001-05:00

I think this movie can go one of two ways...it can be seen as offensive to all us single mamas just trying to have families or it could actually be a sweet little movie about two women bonding through the baby process. Having seen other Tina Fey movies, I'm betting it will be sweet, but funny. I'm looking forward to seeing it and I really hope I'm not disappointed.

I have another whole baby mama post ready to go, I've just been lazy about posting it.

The stink eye

2008-04-22T15:24:00.001-05:00

So, I think it is a bad sign when people see you and gasp and yell or shrink in horror and ask "your eye? What happened to your eye??" I work in healthcare so they either think I am under the influence of the devil or I have sort of hemorrhagic fever. Either way, not good. Yesterday the blood crossed half way across the eye, but I see today that the river of blood is receding. Regardless, I've decided that it may be time to see the doctor. It's happening with enough frequency and seems to occur when I am under stress so I definitely need to be taking better care of my stress levels.

I call the big one Bitey

2008-04-21T16:12:00.000-05:00

Well, we had another one...another earthquake that is. This is our third in 4 days and I have to admit, I'm a bit concerned. We've had more earthquakes in the last 4 days than we have in over 20+ years. This one hit at 1:38 AM and registered 4.5 on the Richter. No new damage has been reported. Once again, I did wake up, but I didn't know what woke me up. Hopefully this is the last of it for a while.

It's back!

2008-04-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

So that was the beginning of the burst blood vessel in my eye. That was last night.

And here is today...

The first two months of the year I had to deal with broken blood vessels in my other eye...and now this. It may be time to seek help and keep a closer eye on my blood pressure since I know I have felt really stressed recently--not just work (which has been pretty awesome), but with a poor diet, too little sleep and too much caffeine.

Ugh, I've got to stop looking at these pictures...it's making my eyes hurt.

I feel the earth move under my feet

2008-04-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so the "big one" hit at 5:36 AM Friday morning. I'll be honest, I'm a deep sleeper and have slept through more than one tornado so I don't remember feeling it or hearing it, but something did wake me up at 5:38 (according to my clock). I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what it was. I do remember thinking that it was odd that the birds, which are normally screeching so loudly that carrying on a conversation outside is nearly impossible in the morning, were suddenly silent. That was weird. I rolled over and slept until my alarm went off half an hour later and they were playing, of all things, "I feel the earth move" by Carole King. Yeah, classy stuff folks.

My mom was staying at my sister's house in Indy and she said it was strong enough to shake the furniture and said that it was probably the bed rocking that woke me up. I know my cat was nowhere to be found. That earthquake registered a 5.2 on the Richter scale. According to mapquest, I am 110 miles from the epicenter.

At 11:20 am I was sitting at a co-worker's desk and I could hear another staff member across the hall yell "earthquake!" and slam her phone. Ricci was sitting across from me and suddenly grabbed her desk while we rocked and rolled. They say it only lasted 10-20 seconds, but I timed it and the folders on the desk danced for 90 seconds. Of course, sitting on the 4th floor probably gave me a better appreciation of the movement. That one registered a 4.5 on the scale. Evidently we are still having aftershocks and they will continue another 7-10 days. I think that's probably true because my equilibrium has felt a bit off.

I think we may have had another aftershock this morning, because the cat came tearing into my room and starting pawing at the window and shaking the blinds and howling. I've never seen her act like that. She came back a few minutes later and did it again until I yelled at her to knock it off.

Of course, I think the funniest thing is this: Yeah, that was the headline on the "green" section of the paper when I woke up yesterday. Of course, the funniest part of that is the fact that the paper had probably been sitting in my drive way before the quake hit.

Other random facts:

Friday's quake took place on the 102nd anniversary of the devastating 1906 San Francisco earthquake.
Because our bedrock is different than California's bedrock, our quakes are different. Researchers are unsure if yesterday's quake was a result of the New Madrid quake line (in Missouri) or the Wabash Valley Fault system (which is where my parent's live in southeast IL).
Because our bedrock is more compact than CA, our quakes can be felt more intensely for a greater distance. Yesterday's quake could be felt in Kentucky, Missouri, and Wisconsin even though the epicenter was in south-eastern Illinois.
A major earthquake in the Wabash Valley nearly 200 hundred years ago registered over a 7.0 on the Richter scale and was quite devastating. It reversed the direction of the Wabash River (and the Mississippi) and rang church bells in Boston.
I grew up in the Wabash Valley and was 20-30 miles from the epicenter in 1987. It was not as strong as yesterday's quake, but I do remember it.
The last strongest earthquake along the Wabash Valley Fault system was in 1968 and it was a 5.3.
The quakes in this area usually register between 4-5 on the Richter and are considered moderately strong. They used to occur every 10 years, but the last one recorded was in 2002.
Because I lived on an active quake line growing up, my school would have "earthquake drills". We were told that some day the "big one" would hit and we'd likely die (well, they might not have said it quite like that, but that's the general impression I got from it).
If you like you-tubing as much as I do, you will see some interesting earthquake predictions. One was posted days before the quake and claimed it would occur on the 18th or 19th, but in California. The other way claimed a lot more information, but since it was posted the day of the quake, it loses points for validity.

Evidently there were signs hours before it hit that something was brewing. Several people reported "knocking" sounds several times during the night, my mom was one of these people. Others reported that before both quakes their dogs, cats, birds, gerbils, rats, etc started making noise and behaving strangely. We have a very large seismograph in town--so why were none of us notified of the impending earthquake? This thing is so sensitive that it can read storm activity from the East coast.

And for your viewing pleasure:

Whole lotta shakin' goin' on

2008-04-18T05:06:00.001-05:00

This has to be a first for me--how many mornings have you been awoken by an earthquake? Yeah, well I felt one this morning! How many Hoosiers can normally claim that. I can sleep through a tornado, but anything that makes me feel dizzy wakes me up. Go figure.

So you like stress, eh?

2008-04-14T19:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I have always worked better under pressure. It isn't entirely related to procrastination--a theory I disproved in college when I attempted to write a research paper early in the semester. It sucked. The next semester I went back to my usual technique of doing it the weekend (or week, if I got lucky) before it was due. I don't know why, but my writing is definitely better.

I have a couple of things coming up this week. I'm trying to get some reports written that are due by Friday and friends of mine are coming over to my house for the first time for dinner. Eeek! My house is a pigsty....I really should take photos. So, I can wait until Thursday to clean or I can get started today. Not only that, but I tend to spaz when I cook for friends for the first time. I tend to think it needs to be some sort of gourmet, when I know that is not what they are expecting. My friends are Indian (born and raised) and are requesting of all things....meatloaf. That's about as far from gourmet as you can get, right? Wrong. Pampered Chef has a fancy meatloaf recipe. Do I do that or do I just use my usually dumping of anything that sounds good? I'm thinking I'll go with the usual...

Kroger at 9:30 pm

2008-04-13T20:51:00.001-05:00

So, I was just at the grocery store a few minutes ago and I hear a young man say "Dan" or "ma'am" it was hard to tell between the allergy pressure in my ears and his redneck accent. He approached me and we had the following exchange:

Him: My sister-in-law is pregnant and needs milk. What kind do I get?

Me: (Blank look)

Him: Is it 1% or skim?

Me: Uh, probably not skim. She needs vitamin D (totally pulling this out of my butt--OB was my least favorite part of school).

Him: So that's 1%, right?

Me: Yeah.

I had two problems with this exchange:

I can't drink milk so it has been years since I have bought any. I haven't a clue about milk anymore.
He could have taken one look at the contents of my cart and realized that a woman that has a large box of cat litter and 1-serving boxes of Lean Cuisine and little yogurt cups does NOT have kids or likely been pregnant. Look at my cart, not the size of my faux child-bearing hips.

14 months....wow

2008-04-12T11:01:00.000-05:00

I am just in awe that I have been waiting 14 months now for my daughter. Wow. I will wait as long as I have to wait until she is home--as I remarked to a friend who asked if I had thought of giving up, "how can I? Her name is inked into my skin!" Tattooing her Chinese name into my skin was to be a daily reminder of God's promise. When I feel that I can't go on any longer, I am forced to see, to really see, that I must continue. There are difficult days, but every LIDversery I am reminded once again of the miracle that is my daughter. The miracle that God turned my heart at the exact moment he did, that he persisted in pushing me to keep going even when I fought him and argued that I couldn't be a single parent. And I am reminded that even though she isn't yet here, my life has become richer because of her. How can I possibly give up? I can't and I won't. And while I know she isn't yet here, I want to give a shout out to the heavens on her behalf--happy day, baby girl! Mama loves you!

Silver Linings

2008-04-09T19:49:00.000-05:00

Most of you know I have a twisted sense of humor--it's not meant to be mean-spirited, but I think people that don't know me don't know this.

Most of you remember being a kid and being made fun of for a variety of reasons--your front teeth fell out too soon or too late, you were too tall or too short...anything kids found to make fun of you they used. Unfortunately, that mentality still thrives in many American adults and it is really disturbing. Many times at work I turn to a co-worker and say "what grade are you in?" or "what grade is she in?" Their behavior is just that juvenile.

I found this story in the paper, and it caught my eye so I thought I would attach the on-line version:

Gurinder Osan of the Associated Press took these photographs of an Indian baby today at her family's home in Saini Sunpura, India.

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. This infant, a girl named Lali, has four eyes, two noses and two mouths.

"When I saw my daughter for the first time I was afraid of her but when the doctor said that aside from her two faces she was a normal child I accepted her," the girl's mother, Sushma, tells IANS.

Now villagers are lining up to see the baby that many view as a reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

"God has made her like this and we are lucky to be her parents," grandfather Brahm Singh tells IANS.

Wow, instead of hiding her away, the locals now consider her the re-incarnation of a Hindu goddess named Durga--a fiery deity with three eyes and many arms (thank God she doesn't have more than one set of arms!).

When I was working on my undergrad in anthropology, I took a grad level course about Shamanism (covering all regions of the globe--even the US--think of church snake handlers). Native Americans did not hide away people with schizophrenia--they were promoted as Shamans or other highly respected people in their culture. Of course, when you have such a title you get a lot of one-on-one attention and care so I think these individuals were well cared for. Many schizophrenics have amazing gifts and talents, but because of the medication to control the other symptoms they often are not able to be as productive. I'm not advocating for no medication--just saying that different cultures revere things we consider to be abhorrent.

What little quirky things make you strange, but are actually quite charming?

It's Monday in the Year of Me

2008-04-07T22:12:00.001-05:00

I am not a woman who spends hours shopping for clothes or shoes. Truth is, I have a hard time finding things that fit right and avoid that kind of shopping as much as possible. But in the spring when the wind is right and I see a Lowe's or Home Depot....I admit, my eyes get a bit misty. And once I am in the store I am like a kid in a candy shop--flowers, and vegetable gardens, and cleaning supplies, and closet organizers...well, I could go on and on. But this is what I really want. It's what I have been dreaming about for 2 years now...my very own grill.

No, not those grillz

I want this grill, sucka. It ain't fancy. To be honest, it's about the cheapest one they carry, but think of the possibilities.

What do you know...

2008-04-06T18:29:00.001-05:00

I was quite irritated when I checked Fifth Third's online bank site and learned that the account had NOT been closed and that I was assessed an additional charge of $100+. What the heck? These people are really pissing me off. So, I wrote them to complain. Twice.

This is the response that I got from one of the emails:

April 5, 2008
Dear Erica,
Thank you for choosing Fifth Third Bank. We apologize for this situation and are committed to meeting your expectations. The -$100.53 is the amount of the overpayment on the account. These funds will be refunded to you in the form of a refund check in 10 business days.
Thank you again for informing us of your concerns and the opportunity to respond to this issue.

Huh...what do you know. I'm still not satisfied with the response on why the account wasn't closed, but hopefully that will soon be resolved as well.

Finally, some rest

2008-04-04T22:56:00.003-05:00

Sorry, for my hiatus blogger buddies. As you probably noticed I have been griping about being tired for a while. It wasn't until this week when the sweats started that I realized that it wasn't strictly fatigue related to work or travel, although that did play a part. Unfortunately living in B-town has re-activated some dormant allergy problems. The first year I was here I ran to my doctor that fall and again in the spring complaining of extreme fatigue, night and day sweats (no, not TB) and overall feeling of malaise. Something wasn't right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I would have fevers and then be normal. We did a lot of tests and my WBC and Sed rates would be elevated during these times and not during other times of the year. It wasn't for another year that I realized it was probably a result of allergies. Although I get a bit of the watery eyes and sneezing, the fatigue and fevers is what puts me down.

So, I asked my boss for Monday off and I'm hoping between now and then that the season makes up it's mind. We are 3 weeks into spring and a good 15-20* below normal temp. We keep going back and forth between warming up and freezing--just make up your mind already! At least my weeds are greening up and my trees are starting to show hints of buds. I'm so excited! It's my favorite time of year, even if I do feel crappy.

It's been a crazy, stressful, busy week. I have worked between 10-12 hour days all week so when I went into work this morning I only needed to work 45 minutes and then I would be in overtime. I ended up working 2 hours and I'm hoping my boss doesn't freak out. I did notify her in advance. I am so looking forward to having one day this weekend where I can sleep in and stay in my jammies all freakin' day. No kidding. I've spent this evening (after napping 3 hours) watching TV and crocheting. Ahhh, heaven.
Big phat congrats to those families that received referrals today! Whoo-hoo! I think the CCAA cleared through 4 or 5 days of referrals, right? I think it went from January 4th through January 9th, 2006. I have to admit, since the CCAA took down the page with the log in dates and review by dates, I honestly don't obsess on it anymore. Although I still think of my MayLing, China and the adoption part of things don't enter my thoughts as much. I still read the China digital paper and I still cut out articles about China for her scrapbook, but I don't spend the time and energy on it like I did. I think some of that is good, but it is also sad as well. We haven't received an update for months about the review room. Kristen thought we may have gotten through it already, but who knows? I would certainly think so since there weren't any large groups between the last month cleared and our LID.
I have excitedly been following Heather and Dustin's blog since I met them last summer when I visited Kristen in Wisconsin. At the time we teased them because they said they were open to either sex child. Well, they had a boy! And my goodness, he is the cutest boy I have EVER seen. I do have one thing to say, Dustin, let Heather hold him already!
I just want to say one last thing about Fifth Third Bank--they suck. It's been a long, energy sucking battle the last few weeks to get to the bottom of some issues with my mortgage account. My parents are the best in the world and my dad ~~offered~~ insisted that I take a loan pay from him, and then pay my dad back each month...interest free. Considering that nearly 80% of each payment was going to interest, this is quite a gift. When I closed that loan account today they penalized me an additional couple hundred dollars. I didn't close a huge loan and it certainly wasn't my mortgage, so why do they need to do that? Not only that, when they handed me my statement they left a zero out...you know, those zeros are worth thousands of dollars. Thank goodness I caught it before they cashed it--that would have been disastrous. It gives me an ass cramp just thinking about it. With my neighborhood bank (which I should have gone to for my mortgage instead of being sweet-talked by an ass clown of a realtor) I have paid off two cars early and wasn't penalized. Anyway, they suck and if I could afford to pay for another closing, I would use my neighborhood bank. Really, not bitter, just a lot wiser about buying a home. Well, maybe still a teensy bit bitter.

Ok, I think that about sums things up for now. Congrats to all the new parents and to the rest of you, stay strong and know that your day will someday come.

And, yes, ass was my word of the day. Yesterday every e-mail I sent had the word awesome in it. Today, ass is reigning supreme.

Mama's tired

2008-04-02T21:01:00.001-05:00

Mama's really tired. I think all the travel, the respiratory infection I've battled the last few weeks and the crazy long hours I'm putting in COMBINED with the fact that I have only had 1 day one off in nearly 2 weeks has left me very tired. I'm hoping to work a half day Friday and take Monday off.

Hopefully I will be full of wit by then. As you have probably noticed my posts have been rather irritable lately because I'm TIRED. I did want to post Part III of My Baby's Daddy at some point and I'm dedicating it to Angie, but I'm sure all the singles out there will have a big fat "Amen!" to add after that post.

In honor of completing my taxes...

2008-03-31T19:16:00.000-05:00

It is Monday and I want to resume my "mama wants" section. In honor of finally completing my taxes today, this is on my list:

Ok, I realize it is a bit tacky, but did you know you get $3,400 back when you have one dependent???? My baby will be rockin' a whole lot of cooler onesies than this if I get some sweet cash back.

I have so many things I need, I sometimes forget about what I want. What I really need is shoes. Now that I am not traveling I will have the time to go to the gym after work. Unfortunately, the tread is worn off my shoes which makes the gym track very slick. Perhaps I will take the $21 from my state tax return and put it towards something pretty (insert sarcasm).

Not a morning person

2008-03-30T20:35:00.000-05:00

I am not a morning person. I don't think it matters what side of the globe I wake up on, I will likely never be a morning person. This weekend was an evil combination of not being a morning person, having to listen to a bunch of idiots run and scream up and down the hallway well past the 1 am, waking up coughing and wheezing because of the the amount of cigarette smoke and mold being vented around my room. yeah, not a morning friendly weekend. Thank God I didn't have to share a room with one of my colleagues--I would not have wished that on anyone.

Last night the damn kids (and adults) were yelling up and down the hallway "I'm going to the pool? You coming?" I was ready to scream back at them "NOOOOO, I'm not so shut up!" Alas, they weren't speaking to me.

Last night I spent most of the evening hanging with my two best buds from work. I hung out in Ricci's room until midnight since she didn't seem to have as a high a mold count as my room. As I was trying to sneak quietly back to my room, I admit, I got a little scared. The hallways were dark (because the lights are burned out) and several of the rooms had their doors propped open with towels or underwear (yes, underwear). I was lost because there are no signs and the hotel had several different wings. As I was going past one propped open door I heard one guy say "get you ass over here! Somebody needs a spanking." Honestly, the music from the movie Deliverance started going through my head.

And because I got lost I had to walk past that room twice. Isn't it amazing that I am exposed to more hillbilly culture traveling to the Indiana/Kentucky state line than actually going south?

We stopped at one local restaurant on Friday for lunch and the locals STARED. It will pretty obvious that they had us pegged as NOT LOCAL and all I can say is THANK GOD. Yes, I realize that my attitude probably sounds rather harsh, but I'll be honest, I grew up in an area pretty similar to that. Not a good place to live for a girl who's heart has always been in China and not in manure. Without looking I can identify cow, pig, and horse manure on smell alone. I can look at and smell corn and know when it is time to harvest and I know that you never shake hands with a man wearing bib overalls and "dirt" under his nails. Hint: the dirt isn't dirt, it's manure.

I finally figured out at 1:30 AM (after listening to doors slam and people running and yelling up and down the hall) that my best course of action would be to turn the air/heat unit all the way to fan and blast it on high. It sounded like a jet engine taking off and was just the kind of white noise I needed to block out the other noises. It was so loud that I didn't hear my alarm when it went off.

I got some passive-aggressive revenge this morning. At 7 AM, Ricci and walked through the now deserted and quiet hallway talking in our "outside voice" about going to the pool. All the way up and down and hallway and when I left, I slammed the door hard enough to make the wall shake. I know it's not productive, but boy did it feel good.

You know it's a bad hotel when even the hotel staff know not to ask how you are enjoying your stay. And in case you are wondering about why I didn't get the hotel staff to intervene...I did. Nothing happened. The hotel was full and they couldn't care less.

But I don't want to end this on a negative note, because I actually had a good time--I just hated the hotel and as I said, I'm an absolute bear when I don't get enough sleep and am forced to sleep in a room that causes me to feel that ill. I still have hives, but hopefully I don't pick up anything else (like bed bugs or plantar warts).

The conference was good, I had a good time with my colleagues and evidently my new nickname is Chuckles. Yeah, Jason felt that was appropriate. I have to be honest, I tend to "perform" when I am in a group of people and because I was under-slept and over-caffeinated it made me even sharper. I really enjoyed bonding with some of my colleagues and spending time with them. This time together does create team building--much needed in my department!

This hotel sucks!

2008-03-28T20:38:00.002-05:00

I am once again on the road. I rode down with a couple of friends/colleagues from work and we had a great time together. The conference is interesting, but at this point, over my head. Fortunately there are a lot of novices here and I hope to get a better understanding as we progress so that I can sit for the certification exam (several years down the road).

We are staying at a Holiday Inn with a water park. As a result, this room is moldy as hell. Unfortunately that just happens to be my worst allergy (well, it probably ties with feathers--also a medieval allergy). So, I get to this incredibly crappy room, at the end of a very long hallway, where a bunch of young people are staying (did I mention they have a huge indoor pool area???) and I immediately start reacting. My eyes start twitching, I start getting the drainage down the back of the throat, coughing, sneezing, and my personal favorite--hives. I currently have hives on my face. After 15 minutes of trying to tough it out I call to the front desk and explain the problem. Evidently they are completely booked because of this conference and the best they can offer is an ozone (?) machine. So, they supposedly sucked out the allergens in 15 minutes. What I think they really did was put a big fan in here for a few minutes and spray some room deoderizer. I only have enough allergy medication to get me through the weekend; I didn't break any extra doses.

This sucks. So, if my airway becomes impaired I will just wheel my crap to the front desk and sleep on the couch. That should encourage them to find me a new room. In the meantime, do you know color concealer would cover up the pink hives?

Hit reset

2008-03-27T20:30:00.001-05:00

My mom is so awesome. She read my last post and left a comment telling me to wash the chicken. To be honest, I normally do but I was so grossed out by the texture the only thing that got washed was my hands.

Do you ever have those moments where you feel bored and restless and kind of weird all at once? I seem to get like this whenever I need to go somewhere or get stuff done and am procrastinating. In this case, I am leaving tomorrow morning, once again, for another conference. Fortunately, I will be back Sunday evening. I will be going with some colleagues from work. Also fortunate, the people I am driving down with have become good buds of mine. We all volunteered to work a night shift together in December and are all a bit quirky. I guess that is why we are traveling in a separate vehicle from everyone else.

I have been so unmotivated to do anything. Some of it is due to having this nasty respiratory bug the last 3 weeks, being tired and all the travel I have done over the last few weeks/months. I am just tired. All I want to do is sit and crochet baby blankets for hours on end. Seriously, that is how I learned to "knock" myself out when I am stressed. My house is a disaster and strange as it may sound, it smells like bad chicken in here (I forgot to take the trash out last night). I have clumps of cat hair all over the house, newspapers strewn across the kitchen table, dirty dishes that have sat on the counter since the weekend. Ugh. And I still have not completed my taxes.

I feel like I just need to take some time off, but because I lost all my maternity leave when I lost my job last year (they cashed out my measly 3 weeks of PTO, but kept my 6 weeks of sick time) I feel like I can't afford to do so. I would really like to have at least 6 weeks saved up for maternity leave and because this job accrues PTO so slowly, I'm afraid to take time off. Even if I don't take another day paid day off this year I will only have 5 weeks saved. I know that probably sounds awesome to you, but I'd like to have a cushion in the event I get sick or I seriously need a vacation.

Anyway, that's the mess that's working through my head today. I'm tired, my jeans suddenly feel snug and I am probably about to come face-to-face with some aggressive PMS.

Can I just hit reset and start over next week?

Motherhood

2008-03-26T20:34:00.001-05:00

Do you ever have those moments when you think you are going to suck at motherhood? I do. Every time I look around my messy house I think my poor kid is going to think cat hair covering everything is the norm.

And at what point do I graduate from calling my mom for stupid stuff? Ok, I have a great example but you guys are going to think I'm gross, but I promise I haven't gotten food poisoning yet. So, on Saturday early afternoon I pull a pound of chicken out of the freezer and set it on the counter. I totally forget about it until the next morning, and yes, it is still cold. I put it back in the fridge, but I didn't get around to cooking it up. Until today. I pulled it out and it still looked good. I opened up the package and sniffed vigorously--still smelled good. I sliced it up to throw in the pan and noticed that it was very sticky. Tacky even. I will admit, I debated calling my mom and asking if it was ok. I knew she would ask about the smell and color and both were ok. I said a prayer and decided to fix it up anyway (give me a break, I don't have any groceries and I am way too tired to go to the store tonight). I tasted a bit of it and it tasted fine, but I decided to season it with a packet of Taco season just to be sure. It's been a couple of hours and I'm still ok.

My mom always thawed food out on the counter overnight and none of us ever got sick. As a nurse, pizza would often sit out for over 12 hours and we would still eat it and not get sick. I'm not saying people shouldn't be careful, but I do think our country has gotten a bit too germophobic in recent years. Part of the reason we now have these resistant super-bugs is because of our almost maniacal desire to kill every little living bug and we take antibiotics every time we get the sniffles (for the record, sniffles and colds are generally viruses and are NOT sensitive to antibiotics--they are only good for bacteria).

I am sure I will probably become a freak about the food once my kid comes home, but until then I am giving my immune system a work out and debating whether I should call my mom or not.

My baby's daddy

2008-03-25T18:58:00.001-05:00

I've been having these wacky dreams lately that I am pregnant...and adopting. While I think I can handle one child, I don't think I could possibly have one child and be pregnant and doing it alone. So, I have to look at my options. Short of hog-tying a hottie or going the frozen turkey baster route, I need a plan that is infallible.

So, as you saw from my previous post I have become exploring my options. If Vladmir or Dimitry looked anything like this guy I would certainly give it some serious thought, but alas, he/they don't.

So, I'm moving on to the next phase of finding my baby daddy. Michael was nice enough to point me in this direction:

Hot Prison Pals

That's right...they are one of the last explored frontiers. And I think I'm feeling something already. Check out Roger's profile:

ROGER

HOT

I stand 6'2" and weigh 210 solid Muscular pounds. I work out daily and try to take care of my health. I am currently locked up in Montana for possession and robbery. When I was arrested, I was a C.N.A. entering medical school for my P.A. License, now I spend my time studying Psychology and am considering a degree there. I also play guitar, sing, and draw. My artwork has done well over the last few years, and I actually make a living off it. Maybe if I hear from you....I will send you something. I know in my picture I look like a tough guy....but inside...I'm a TEDDY BEAR. I am looking for a Woman to build a friendship with, so if you enjoy hitting the gym, or even quiet nights at home...drop me a line and say HI!
Date of Birth : 1/11/74
Date of Release : 8/2010

I really think it might work. After all, his release date is hopefully around the time MayLing comes home. He can be a daddy to her and help make a little brother or sister for her.

Of course, I feel all tingly when I look at Dale's profile also.

Inmate Ad:

Hello, My name is Dale. I am a 37 year old man currently incarcerated in XXXXXX Correctional Center, Illinois. Prior to incarceration, I owned my own construction business. So my finances here well in order.

My interests are horseback riding, camping, working out and long evenings by the fireplace.

I am looking for a sincere, warm caring woman, to share my hopes, dreams and interests with. Write me and share yours with me.!

P.S. I love a country girl at heart and please send me a picture. Your truly, Dale

...and let's not forget Brent.

 BRENT

HOT

Hi...my name is Brent and I am 27 years old, with brown hair and blue eyes and from Michigan.  I'm open minded....believe life is what we
make of it....trust in God.....cherish friendship and family....enjoy music... having a good time....and learning from my mistakes.  I'm
looking to get to know you, to share with each other , our ups and downs, with trust and truth.

Date of Birth:11/13/80
Date  of Release : 2010

I do like younger men and I certainly would like my baby's daddy to be a Christian.

So, what do you think? Do you think any of these guys could use a little mama lovin?

**Disclaimer: this is only a joke! I do not want any of these guys contacting me.

Mail order male?

2008-03-23T22:50:00.000-05:00

So, I was talking to Kristen tonight and we started discussing mail order husbands. I wasn't sure they existed so I had to Google and sure enough, they do. There are some rough looking fellas on there, mostly from the Ukraine. If that is what they are offering, I thought I'd look into what the women were offering and this is what I found:

The Lonely American

General Information:

I do not like children. There was a slight mishap in my
last job, and let's just say that I had to spend a few
nights in jail. My addiction to pain killers only makes me
more laid back. I like to play my french horn at 2-4 a.m.,
weekdays. Can I play your french horn? Some people say
that I'm a bit "roudy" but the truth is, I just like jogging
naked. My last boyfriend was so ashamed of this habit that
he bought me a tredmill so I could do it inside.

Apperance:

I have a nice body with lots of brown moles. I do not shave
or use deoderant because they use animal oils. Small
patches of hair. Two tattoos (I'll tell you where they're
located in the letters). Both are names of ex-lovers. I
cannot remove them, otherwise I would. I weigh 150 pounds
on Mars. I wear a 36 DD cup bra.

Looking for:

I'm looking for an open-minded man. Someone who can accept
my genital warts. Appearance is not important. Maybe
someone that's hairy...short...sexy.

And here is what the men are offering:

General Information:

Hallo! My name Vladimir and man of 18 years. I have wife but
do not love her. I have child in secondary school 1 girl my
wife making me stay home feed child. I would like to leave
her very much so and find sexful lady. I enjoy to buke and
trampoline much and very hard to. Father being Starshina in
CCCP Red Army but they shoot for he being looting after
Ukraine indepent. I come from military family but no
military I am peace and love all the way hey! USA!

Apperance:

Before I lose hair it of sexy style. I dress prefessional in
week and "letting lose" on weekend to be sexy for dance
party in disco club. I want to dance with goodest dancer in
USA. Good are you?

Looking for:

You see I need sexful lady with romance in life and living.
I am young live fast I need fast lady to keep up with my
speedy. Must be very slim under 45 kilogram. Blonder hair
better being I see blonde is sexful and full of romantic. I
like personality to maybe you like my personality and we
"hitting it off" as say in USA!

Or how about this lovely:

General Information:

I am a retired millitary officer. I like fishing and sport
most of all.

Apperance:

I am calm and tempered man. I have two daughters but they
live together with their mother.

Looking for:

I want to meet a sexy, pretty, tall, non-smoking, not fat,
honest, clever, with a sense of humor, neat lady who wants
to become ideal and want to create a good family.

You know, being single is actually pretty good. Most days I wouldn't trade it for all the Vladmirs in the world!

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T12:18:00.000-05:00

It's Easter Sunday and it's snowing: do you know where your Spring is?

Wasn't Spring, like, two days ago?

Photo day

2008-03-22T20:49:00.001-05:00

What's the perfect activity when you are avoiding your taxes, it's 35* and dreary? Why, taking photos, of course!

Michael and I took a little trip over to Columbus, Indiana which is ranked 6th in the nation for architectural innovation and design by the American Institute of Architects. Art is everywhere! Even the schools look like gifts erected to the gods of art.

Enjoy.

(this church is actually a reflection on the mirrored building I was taking a photo of)

(it was so freakin' cold that even the trees needed scarves)

(the kid's door to the Children's Museum)

Free day?

2008-03-22T11:12:00.000-05:00

This is the first Saturday I've had where I didn't have to be somewhere. No lessons, no appointments. What to do?

Well, I know I really need to do my taxes. Completing them might actually help the financial pinch I'm in right now. But what do I do when I want to avoid doing something I know I need to do? First, I clean. If I still insist on procrastinating I will take a nap. Not just any nap, a nap that lasts the better part of the afternoon. Avoidance naps.

So far I have finished cleaning off my desk...now I'm feeling very sleepy.

I'm home!

2008-03-21T22:53:00.000-05:00

Home, sweet home. The taxi I arranged picked Mom up at the hotel 30 minutes early and subsequently picked me up 45 minutes early. We got to the airport way too early and I talked Mom and the co-worker that tagged along into getting stand-by on an earlier flight. I'll admit, this hasn't worked for me in the past, but my mother is my lucky charm. I swear, I just need to rub her head in front of anything that is giving me trouble and voilà, it's better! We managed to go from a 3:45 flight to a 12:55 flight (ok, everything takes off late from Dallas, but still!) and I was pulling into my driveway at 6:15 PM. Ah, it is so good to be home!

Ok, a few bullet points about the past few days:

Dallas/North Texas had awesome weather. Seriously, it was 75*, sunny, and beautiful when we left today.
Lewisville/Dallas is boring as hell. I am sorry to say this because I know I have at least one Lewisville reader (I'm so sorry!). I think that I have become so spoiled living in B-town. I have art, culture, live music and shows nearly every night of the week and the town doesn't sleep. It's a college town with a vibrant community of people with varied interests.
The people in Lewisville/Dallas are awesome! They are the friendliest group of people I have ever met. Even my mom had to say she was impressed with everyone at the hotel. It really is like staying with family. People just treat you like you have always been there. It's awesome. If you ever need a hotel suggestion for the area, just let me know.
Married men suck. Seriously, what the heck? If it only happens once, I can shake it off as a fluke. But several times...creepy. Trust me, there is nothing about me that says "I like married men". I refuse to even chat online with married men, regardless of what they want to chat about. In the last class, we had a total of 8 students. This time the class size dropped to 4. The last time I was there the married man asked me out for dinner several times (I refused of course) and I only conceded and went to a movie when another student agreed to go as well. Every single night this week, he asked me out to dinner. Alone. He insisted on eating lunch with me everyday, would seek me out during breaks. And the kicker...he drove me crazy! He was constantly bossing me around in class, which those that know me can probably guess how well that went over. Today, I'd had enough. I got so irritated with him that I told him if he persisted, I would throw something at him. He persisted, and true to my word, I winged a pen at his head. He's lucky...I really wanted to throw the stapler.
I have Monday off from work because I will be working all next weekend. Fortunately, I will be traveling with some good buds from work--it should be fun.
I learned that I am being moved at work. I LOVE the people on the third floor that I work with, but evidently, they feel that I should be with the other analysts/builders on the fourth floor. I agreed to it as long as I moved in an office with another experienced builder. Uh, evidently they missed that part. I'm moving into an office. By myself. Sucks. At least Dad brought me a lot of candy to give away to my new floormates (Dad works for a big name candy company and gets the read good goodies before they are released on the market--I love having connections).
I have a sinus infection and bronchitis. It's gross. My breath smells like snot.
I'm so glad to be home.

I heart home

2008-03-19T21:23:00.002-05:00

I am so missing home right now. I love spending time with my mom and we have enjoyed several fun-filled trips in the past, but the one thing missing here....fun. No offense to the locals, but this town is boring as hell. The only thing to do is eat or drink and that is per the locals. Everything closes at five, which coincidentally, is when I finish my training for the day. I haven't turned my own TV on in over 3 weeks and yet here we are every evening after dinner, me on the laptop and mom working on her sudoku puzzles and watching TV.

Am I getting smarter? I have no idea. Last time I was here I thought my brains were leaking out of my head. This time my head doesn't hurt, but that may be from all the cough medicine I've been taking. I know I've been rather sassy in class which may or may not be an issue come Friday at test time.

The weather today was awesome...which is good because yesterday really sucked. Evidently there were tornadoes at the airport while we were in class. They cancelled all of the flights from yesterday late morning through this morning. Hopefully they will be caught up by the time we leave on Friday.

I'm hoping mom doesn't get us killed. This town is not pedestrian friendly--oh how I miss B-town! I love that they have handicap accessible crosswalks--but no walk light for pedestrians. So we are having to dart across 6+ lanes of traffic. I guess it's one way to get the adrenaline flowing.

Greetings from Dallas!

2008-03-16T21:20:00.003-05:00

It's been some crazy fun and here is our proof:

Ok, so not so crazy. I'm tired. I had a big day yesterday and I did not plan this trip out too well. That's my mom--already in bed and it is only 9:15! Unfortunately she is on her own during the day until I get back from my class in the late afternoon/evening. Did you know everything in Dallas closes at 5 pm??? Even one of the malls closes at 6 pm. I'm a little worried that she is going to be BORED all day and then everything will be closed by the time I return. She is going to go stir crazy. If any of you live or work in the Dallas/Lewisville area, drop me a line. I'm not too sure what to do to keep us entertained.

I got a new camera!

2008-03-15T22:27:00.004-05:00

The one ordered a month ago still has not arrived so I canceled the order and bought a new one while in Indy today. Check out the clarity in these pics!

Feeling kind of weird

2008-03-14T19:48:00.001-05:00

I don't know how to describe it better. I feel restless, but tired. I haven't slept well since the go-live project 3 weeks ago when my sleep schedule got all messed up. I have gone off caffeine, but barely. I go to bed at night and just lay there with my eyes closed. The time ticks slowly by while I wait to fall asleep. The sad thing is that I begin fantasizing about bedtime as soon as I get up in the morning.

I've come down with a sinus/bronchitis ick most likely related to the soon-to-bloom Spring allergy season. I don't know...I'm just out of sorts. It's like I am waiting for something and nothing is happening, but nothing is filling that place. I haven't turned on the TV for weeks. Actually, that's not entirely true. I turned it on Tuesday or Wednesday for a few minutes but I quickly got bored. I've even been watching online TV programs. Who knows what is going on...I'll just be glad when April 1st comes and life will settle down a bit for me.

Ok, time for some news bits.

Treffly Coyne, the woman who was arrested in December for leaving her sleeping 2 year-old in a running, locked car while she walked her other kids to a Salvation Army kettle, had her charges dropped. I know parents tend to split on this issue, but c'mon...I don't think she did anything to put her daughter in harm's way. The car was locked and easily in her eyesight (since she illegally parked in the yellow in front of the store--give her a ticket for that). Someday I hope to have two kids, but it makes me nervous thinking that my neighbors might call the cops on me for leaving one in the car while getting the other one in the house. Good grief.
MEXICO CITY - When Manuel Uribe went out on a date, he made all the necessary arrangements: a forklift to carry him out of the house and a flatbed tow truck big enough to haul the formerly half-ton man and his bed to a party. Ok, I'd like to know how an 800# man has a girlfriend and I haven't had a date in a year. Hmmm?
TULSA, Okla. - Two fortune cookies helped Tulsa police make an arrest after a pair of break-ins at Chinese restaurants. You know, I'd really like to know what their fortunes were. "Be quick or lose your treasure"?
Prostitution Advances in a Wired World. I've been looking at ways that I can work from home once the kiddo arrives. Maybe I can be a high paid digital madam? I don't actually have to do any of the hard stuff, but I can book the appointments. If you missed the funny in that sentence, you ain't too bright, peeps.

As God as my witness...

2008-03-13T19:01:00.001-05:00

God, and everyone that reads this blog, know that I have spent entirely too much time in the bathroom, but this is ridiculous!

13 Months

2008-03-12T20:59:00.001-05:00

Dearest MayLing,

I have waited for you for thirteen months and not a day of this wait have I not thought of you and prayed for you and your birth mother. I pray that where ever you are--whether you have been conceived or not--that you are surrounded by love and God's arms comfort both you and your first mother.

Rest assured, I will wait however long I need to wait whether it is thirteen months or thirty-three. In my heart you rest and my hopes for you increase with each passing day.

Love,

Mama

Medical gripe

2008-03-11T19:14:00.000-05:00

A year and a half ago I made an appointment with my mother's dermatologist who's office is over an hour away. I had been seeing one locally, but was not getting the results I wanted, but I saw a dramatic improvement in my mother's skin in about a six month period of time. I remember making the appointment only a few days after I received my LID and I remember thinking "wow, when I go to this appointment it will be the day before my 13 month LIDversery". Of course I also thought I would have a referral by then, but I digress.

I once had someone tell me I was an open book. When I asked why she thought so, I was told it was because I talked so openly about my poop. Poop, to me, is not a personal issue. We all poop. I am actually a very private person which is why I am unsure how long I will leave this current post up, but I feel a bit irritated so I feel I must proceed.

I have PCOS (no, I'm not going to define it, you can Google it). I was diagnosed when I was 16 and I have had ongoing issues with it ever since. While it is one of the biggest causes of untreatable infertility, this in NO WAY influenced my decision to adopt. I have never tried to get pregnant so I don't know it is impossible. Evidently the majority of the women in my family were told they would never be able to get pregnant and lo and behold, they have several kids each.

Unfortunately the PCOS causes acne because of its affect on my hormones. My previous dermatologist wouldn't even address this issue, even though it is the causative factor. Not only would he not address it (and this is why I am so annoyed right now) my personal OB/GYN would not address it. Because I also have endometriosis, I have been put into that "box" and anytime I try to get them to address my PCOS and hormone issues, they try to re-focus me on endometriosis. Believe it or not, I can actually tell the difference in the two disorders because they AFFECT DIFFERENT ORGANS. Last time I had a major cyst rupture (ok, I guess I am basically explaining to you what PCOS is), I was off work for 3 days because I couldn't stand up straight. Would they do an ultrasound? No. They said it was due to my endometriosis and an US wasn't warranted.

In January I was tired of the near chronic pain and I saw my family doctor, who does not specialize in OB concerns, but who decided it was in my best interest to have one "." per season.

Ok, so fast forward to today. I saw the dermatologist and we reviewed the causes of acne and once I told her I had PCOS she began asking if I was taking one of several different androgen blocking agents. No, I'm not. Every time I have brought this up to my OB she always brushes right by it. She asked when the last time I had my hormone levels checked and I told her I had never had my hormone levels checked. She said based on my symptomology and the past ultrasound results that they may not have thought it was necessary, but she wants to get those levels checked. She also decided to prescribe one of the androgen blocking agents because it SHOULD help with the acne production.

How sad is it that a dermatologist is prescribing meds that my OB/GYN should have been prescribing for years?

A couple of weeks ago I was in the cashier's office at work paying off a blood test, and I began talking to a woman who also has PCOS and her doctor put her on metformin despite the fact that her glucose levels are normal and she shows no signs of glucose resistance. Her symptoms improved and she lost the 80# inner tube around her waist (another symptom of PCOS).

I've been thinking of seeing a different OB/GYN for quite some time. I rarely see mine as it is, because my family doctor seems to actually address my concerns better than my OB, but it is disappointing to realize that I might have had better pain control and certainly better weight control, had I been prescribed the correct medications for my disorder. I suddenly realized that the huge amount of weight I gained while on the steroids (40# total) may not be totally related to the increased appetite or fluid retention, but the corticosteroids probably ramped up my hormones artificially which also helped to pack on the pounds.

I'm not dissing doctors, I'm really not (well, maybe I am my OB/GYN). What bothers me is that I am a nurse acting as my own knowledgeable medical advocate and I can't get my issues addressed. If I can't get my issues addressed, what hope does the non-medical person have? As a nurse, I have always listened to my patients concerns, helped where I could, and relayed the rest onto the appropriate parts of the medical team. I guess I wish I'd had the same courtesy.

Oh, and I have two questionable moles that need to be removed the next time I see the new dermatologist. Does she rock, or what!?!

Mama likey

2008-03-10T20:15:00.001-05:00

Mama likes, she really does. I was all set to buy this with my tax rebate or my refund (well, I haven't actually done my taxes yet so a refund is assuming a lot).

And in response to my previous post my mom said, "well, I hope the woman he has confused you for isn't dead." Well put, Mom. Imagine trying to explain to someone that you saw Dead Marlene in the dairy aisle as she tried to knock yogurt off the top shelf (yeah, you'd think the old fart would have at least tried to help get it off the shelf for me).

What did you say about my feet?

2008-03-09T22:02:00.000-05:00

To shake things up today I decided to get my groceries from the east side of town. For whatever reason the fruit and veggies at that Marsh are the best in town.

I'm wandering slowly through the store since I'm not very familiar and I'm smiling at all those that are patient with my moseying about. While in the dairy section an elderly man approaches me with a smile on his face and says "it's good to see you on your feet". This statement implies one of two things:

I was ill.
He has seen me flat on my back.

I haven't been sick in over a year. And I can count on one hand the number of people that have seen me horizontal. The only way that man didn't see me on my feet is if he slipped me a roofie (he probably knows them better as mickies).

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Spring

2008-03-09T13:30:00.000-05:00

With Spring comes the promise of new life.

Money Tree

2008-03-09T11:44:00.000-05:00

This is the note that was taped to my front door the other day:

I think it might have been in response to this:

Yeah, that big, ugly tree that has been there for two months is still there. Until we actually have consistently warmer days of 50* and above, it's not budging. And no, Richard, I'm not giving you $60.

You thought the first item on my wish list was scary...check this out

2008-03-05T16:37:00.000-05:00

And here is what the ad had to say:

Whether you have a zeal for throwing steel or you're a cutlery connoisseur, this knife block is just for you. In 1938 the Wheel of Death introduced the spinning target and decades later knife throwing still lives on in the modern day circus. And it can live on in your kitchen with the Throwzini Knife Holder.

The Throwzini Knife Holder is made from hand-crafted wood and comes complete with five stainless steel knives. Each knife is held securely by magnets in individual protective sheaths. Just give the Throwzini a spin.

Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about.

Rude, much?

2008-03-03T21:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, I would be the rude one in this case but I'm feeling slightly justified. I was in the gym enjoying my workout when I was approached by the friend of someone I know. This someone I know had spilled the beans about my adoption to everyone she knows--co-workers, friends, bag boys at Kroger. While I'm happy that she is so excited for me, I had explicitly requested that my adoption just be known to my prayer group. It didn't stay that way for long. So this is the conversation:

Her: So, any news about the thing that I'm not supposed to talk about?

Me: (not supposed to talk about?? You aren't even supposed to know about it!). No news. I won't hear anything until after the Olympics this fall and I will still have another two years wait at that time.

Her: (I could tell she was about to launch into some litany about how unfair it is...blah blah blah...trust me, I've already heard it).

Me: Yeah, this is why I didn't want people knowing about the adoption. It's just too hard to have to answer all these questions all the time. Trust me, when I hear something everyone will know about it.

Her: (looking embarrassed)

Me: Don't worry about it. You aren't the first one to say anything. I'm just trying to tell people it's a touchy subject for me.

I then let her launch into the litany about it giving me time to prepare, etc.

This is the second person that has approached me this week that I did not personally share this news with. Maybe if I felt the care was genuine I would be ok with it, but for the most part I feel like I have suddenly become that slightly weird, hip chic in high school that people wanted to hang out with, but were too afraid to because they just didn't understand.

I'm not a total jerk. Some people generally are interested in adoption and I am happy to educate. Just yesterday I ran into someone from church who asked about the progress, but then began to ask more specific questions. Although she has 3 kids, I can't help but wonder if she is considering adoption. Her questions were very specific and she wanted information about certain countries. This isn't the first time she has sought me out for some information so I know her heart is definitely turning to adoption.

See? I'm not a total jerk.

The Year of Me

2008-03-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

I have already sat through the Year of the Dog, the Year of the Pig and now the Year of the Rat and I've decided one thing: this year is the Year of Me. I have waited a year for a referral and in that year I squirreled away every penny I had for this adoption. If I did buy anything, I bought can't-live-without-it baby items. No more. This year I am going to buy things for me because it may be one of the last years I get to do this. So, in honor of this esteemed new holiday I will post a photo of something that I gotta have each week. Just because I gotta have it, doesn't mean I do, but it will certainly be going on my list! This doesn't mean I won't buy anything baby related...certainly not! There are some baby things that an adoptive parent has to buy to just make it through the week. So the first item on my gotta have it list is:

And in keeping with Chinese Zodiac renaming, next year will not be the Year of the Ox. It will be the Year of the Turtle (credit goes to Kris for this name) and is so named because it will be between our 2nd and 3rd year of waiting and I'm sure the time will pass even slower than it does now.

Sunrise

2008-03-01T14:19:00.001-05:00

Thank God for another sunrise. They still have the ability to take my breath away and restore my soul. It's a reminder that each day is a gift and that the most beautiful things can still be found in nature. It's the sun, the wind, the stars that connect me to every other person on earth. In this, we can all share God's beauty.

Time to Reflect

2008-02-29T23:17:00.001-05:00

Some days I am reminded of why I left bedside nursing. It's not just being constantly exposed to horrible infections or back-breaking work, the work bruises my soul. There is such a fine line between being calloused by the brokenness I see and feeling each and every blow that these bodies have been dealt.

Even in this job, seemingly removed from the patient side of things, I am still bearing witness to the worst moments of these people's lives. What is a routine day for me is the one where their life, in many respects, ends.

There is a sadness that has fallen over our command center. The seat that Deb sat in is empty and all of us seem to be consciously, or unconsciously, avoiding it. The laptop computer still remains, but the person is missing. I try to imagine what that is like--to have everything I have known and planned on, change in a heartbeat and then I want to forget. Some days I am grateful for being alone. While I would still love to fall in love and marry, in a sense, I am protected from this level of heartbreak. He wasn't just her husband, they had literally grown up together. They had known and loved each other more years than they hadn't. All the dreams they had built for the future are gone. There will be no grandkids for them to take joy in together or vacations, just the two of them. No breaking of ground on their dream home for retirement or Alaskan cruises. All that has ended. I feel such a tremendous amount of sadness for her which makes all the other insults on humanity this week (suspicious death of an infant, several rapes, and an MVA so horrible that it literally crushed this man's head) worse. There is a reason I left bedside nursing. I still have my humanity and I can't separate what I see from what I feel without feeling like I have lost something of me.

Long day

2008-02-28T23:40:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted, it has been a rather traumatic week. I can't go into the detail of it now because I am so tired and scheduled to return to work in little over 7 hours from now. Nothing bad happened to me thankfully, but my co-worker, a woman I have known for years suddenly lost her husband. He is the same age as my parents. We worked side-by-side through our go live on Tuesday. She left for home finally around 8:30 pm. When she got home he was having some chest pain so he took a nitro and laid down. She went in a few minutes later to check on him and he was having agonal respirations (medical talk for the "death rattle"). She started CPR, but it wasn't enough. They brought him into the ED--the very department we had just spent the last 12+ hours of our day in. She had just gotten home and a minute or two later he was gone. I can't imagine anything worse. What do you do when your whole world is flipped upside down and everything you have known is gone?

Please keep her in your prayers. I'm working another 12+ hour day tomorrow and will attend the funeral on Saturday. Please hug and kiss those you love tonight and let them know what they mean to you.

I'm back!

2008-02-25T20:44:00.000-05:00

My apologies, dear friends, for not updating. It has been an extremely busy couple of days...and lots of fun! Kris came down for our 1 year LID celebration. For those that haven't followed this blog from the beginning, Kristen and I met through our FTIA yahoo group over a year ago. We finally met in person last summer and now schedule mini-vacations every 6 months or so. I LOVE that we always schedule our next get together on our perspective calendars in pen. Because, as you know, once it's in ink, there is no going back:)

She arrived late Thursday/early Friday in the horrible storm that came through in late afternoon. And left yesterday early afternoon as another round of snow was coming through the area.

We had a great time shopping, eating, shopping, drinking Champaign, eating chocolate and now I am addicted to a new show thanks to Kris! Thank goodness I can watch the remaining episodes on-line!

It is just so nice to be able to share the ups and downs of this journey together. Hopefully we will be in the same travel group when we get our girls because I suspect we will definitely be leaning on each other for support both in China and when we arrive home--at the very least we may be doing a parent swap in country!

Total eclipse...of the moon

2008-02-20T23:14:00.001-05:00

I hope you had a chance to the see the lunar eclipse tonight, but if not, let Bonnie tell you all about it...

Code Brown...aka Clean Up in aisle 5

2008-02-19T21:56:00.001-05:00

In the hospital you will often hear different "codes" announced overhead. It's a way of communicating information to those that really need it without creating a panic. Of course, so many people watch shows like ER or Gray's Anatomy so they know that a code blue is announced when a person's heart stops or they stop breathing. It's one of those drop everything and run codes. We have other codes that we use that are not "official" and never get announced overhead. One such code is a code brown. If you haven't figured it out already, it means someone has had a bowel blow out. Why have I told you all this? Well, first, you need to thank me that I at least waited until well after dinner before posting.

This whole IBS thing has me thinking about code browns and my nearest emergency exit ie. bathroom. I've discovered that exercising and IBS don't mix. I definitely am not doing the stairs after lunch and I am foregoing the treadmill for a while. The track is still relatively safe and gives me some anonymonity in the event of...uh...a pre-burn event. I think it is obvious that I really need to re-evaluate my diet. As much as I hate it, I may have to decrease my vegetable intake as that seems to set me off. A couple of weeks ago I actually went on a banana and rice diet just for some relief. It worked, but that is no way to live. I don't feel overly stressed right now, but I think that is certainly what started me off.

There is a silver lining to my brown cloud, because our project is going live next week, I'm going to be working like a dog. I will be working 12+ hours a day....but that means I get an extra day off! Kris is coming down in two days (yah!) and I will have Monday off as well. I haven't had 4 days off since I started this job so I'm quite psyched!

Dirty Undies be damned

2008-02-17T18:05:00.002-05:00

After taking a nice, long 2 1/2 hour long nap I am feeling energized and ready to tackle the emptying of the suitcases. After noticing that they have already broken the leather strap, the next thing I noticed was this nice little card tucked next to my dirty undies:

How special is that? This is why I have always put my dirties right on top. Why I decided to be a nice girl and put them in a ziplock this time is beyond me. And don't lecture me about how I should make it easier for them to their job...I'm a nurse, remember? A little stinky pants is nothing compared to the stink most nurses deal with every day on the job.

...or are you just happy to see me?

2008-02-17T14:11:00.001-05:00

I know some of you out there may think you have the best Dad ever, but you are wrong. I DO. Every year for Valentine's Day (or as I am now referring to as Single Awareness Day) he buys my mother, his mother, my sister and me a bouquet of flowers. I just assumed that since I was in Dallas last week that he would just save his money, but I was wrong.

Yesterday afternoon this is what greeted me:

And yes, the balloon really is that big. It's a good 3 feet tall and 2 feet wide at the top. Since my camera is still dead and I still have not bought a new one, Michael was nice enough to snap a few photos.

Can you believe that??

Pimped out...

2008-02-17T00:34:00.001-05:00

...the blog, that is. Evidently those classes last week were good for more than just building tables. I learned a little about code and with a little hint from Kristen (check out her pimped out new blog!) I was able to take it to the next level. I've pimped two blogs today and I'm ready to tackle more! Actually, I downloaded someone else's template last night before I went to bed so if you saw it this morning and are now reading, you are now seeing two different templates. Did I mention how psyched I am that I did this one all by myself? I don't have any playful doo-dads to make the header sparkle, but hey, payday is next week.

This isn't the only change I'm contemplating...I'm going to color my hair also this weekend. I don't know if it was from being all cooped up last week or I'm just ready for spring, but there's nothing like the feeling of satisfaction you get from changing your look.

Another random thought (thanks to staying up for the first time in weeks and a big gulp of Diet Dr. Pepper--yes, I'll be getting back on the wagon tomorrow) have you ever noticed how much Hal Holbrook looks like the theatre-lovin' muppets? Let me know what you think...

Thank you!

2008-02-13T19:07:00.002-05:00

Thank you so much to all those that congratulated me on my milestone yesterday. I know it was any other day, but it really feels good to have that year behind me.

I thought my head was going to explode yesterday after class. I stayed up until 11 pm studying, typing up my notes, etc. I even DREAMED about those stupid build tables in my sleep. Today was better. I like problem solving so our first exercise of the day was to correct all the mistakes that "someone" made yesterday after class. Surprisingly I was able to whip through those pretty quick. This afternoon I spent my time building a charting table called "China Trip". I was going to build a table about the dossier process, but I just wasn't ready for all the questions that the adoption subject brings up so I switched to what needs to be done prior to going to China...visas, passports, vaccines, etc. I think I'm getting the hang of things, but I don't trust that I will remember anything tomorrow.

Is it wrong that I am already in my jammies? Is it worse if I say I have had my jammies on since 5:30? I have to admit, this time around the trip has not been near as lonely. Actually, I've sought out the quiet. I'm not sure what has changed other than my soul is more settled. My mother is coming with me next month when I come down. That should be pretty entertaining!

After I posted last night, I went back and re-read some of my earlier posts. Have you ever done that? gone back and read old journal entries? It's pretty interesting. I'm glad I have kept up a blog. I know it's not often an interesting read, but that's ok. This is for my daughter's benefit and for mine. Someday she will know how much I longed for her and how I celebrated every little passage of time that brought us closer. I can't help but think and wonder about her and her birthmother...has she been conceived yet? born yet? What are her birthparents like? Are they married or single? Are they looking forward to her arrival or do they know what is going to happen next? So many questions with little hope of ever knowing the answer.

I watched the movie "Juno" last weekend. I really enjoyed it, and I appreciated that they show the struggles that both the adoptive parents and the birth mother have. Initially I was rather turned off at how perfect the adoptive mom was behaving--the pictures were arranged just so, she was dressed perfectly and was very careful at what she said. Half way through the movie I realized that ALL of us adoptive parents go through the same thing. None of us have escaped the dreaded homestudy visit and the crazed cleaning that preceded it.

I also appreciated the grief that was delicately expressed by both parties. You can tell that the adoptive mother had struggled with infertility and the pain that comes with it and the grief expressed by the birthmom upon the birth of her child. It was palpable and something that is often not expressed openly by adoptive or birth parents. Both sides are touched with loss and great job--just not at the same time or for the same reason.