Today Show

Because I have been so private about a lot of things in my life (believe me, it’s not limited to just the adoption) I have struggled with what is safe to put out there about me, but especially more now that the Spud has come into my life. 

After much thought and consideration (and pleading from some people) I have decided to let you in another something in my life.  My life and my son’s life are no longer so private. 

Today Show--Cost of Adoption Segment

I looked at the greater good which is why I agreed to allow them to be a part of my son’s adoption story.  I know that there a lot of people out there who want to adopt.  When people have learned that I am adopting/have adopted I often hear “oh, I always wanted to do that, but it is too expensive”.   It is expensive and it is difficult and it definitely heartbreaking somewhere along the way, but if we continue to follow that path, at the end there is usually a child that brings us unspeakable joy. 

As a single woman, like so many of you reading this blog, things are not stacked in our favor.  It is often more difficult to find an agency that will work with us.  Since we are one income household it is difficult to find the money.  I am not rich.  I spend $200 per year on clothes/shoes/purses/accessories/etc.  I don’t buy Starbucks unless it is bought for me.  I don’t have cable TV and until I took a job that required a high speed internet connection I lived with dial-up.  I don’t often eat out just as I don’t eat the sushi that I love unless it is a special occasion.  As a single it is much more difficult to find organizations that give adoption grants or low/no interest loans.  Believe me, I have looked.  Most require a check box in the married box on the form and others also require families to follow a particular faith.

I feel very blessed that I stumbled across HelpUsAdopt.org and they were able to provide a handsome sized grant.  Becky was certainly an answer to prayer.  I remember stumbling across their website and seeing that the packet had to be in in only a few days or I wouldn’t meet the deadline.  I remember writing the essay—pouring out everything that was on my heart, just in case.  When I took the envelope off to the post office I had to pay a pretty penny to ship it overnight.  I kissed the envelope goodbye and said a prayer expecting nothing. 

Not only did I receive a grant, I got to be a part of something greater.  I got to be a part of Becky’s dream to assist those of wanting to start a family—regardless of marital status, race, sexuality, religion, etc. 

So, for any of you reading this I hope you will consider giving money to HelpUsAdopt.org and assisting this dream that will allow MORE families to adopt.  And for those of you, like me, who had a dream but had difficulty finding the funds, please contact HelpUsAdopt.org.

My beautiful son.

Ringing in the New Year with my new man

I told you there was a reason you hadn't heard much from me over the last few months and here is the reason:

I have kept a lot of things quiet because even I didn't completely understand things.  When I started the process for MayLing over two years ago, I knew at that time that a son from Vietnam would be part of the package.  I just didn't know when or how.  My reasoning brain just assumed that it would several years after I got my daughter home.  But my heart couldn't let it go and the image of this baby boy that God had placed in my heart grew with each passing day.  With the exception of Kristen--no one knew.  When I chose my daughter's name, I also chose my son's.  When I picked and bought the paint for MayLing's room, I did the same for his.  When Kristen and I went shopping for our future daughters, I wandered across the aisle and bought from the boy's side as well. 

It was a tough year as I waited and wondered what to do.  On November 4, 2007 Kristen called to tell me that the CCAA had just released some changes to their policies--concurrent adoptions and pregnancies were now allowed.  It was the sign I needed.  Many months before I had picked the agency I wanted to work with so that very same night I emailed the coordinator from that agency and told him I was ready to begin.  And begin we did.

I could never have imagined the horrific emotional highs and lows that would follow--something that I had never experienced during the process with my daughter.  After months of CIS losing my paperwork and other government screw-ups along the way, I finally had a completed dossier to submit.  The day before I was to submit it and pay a substantial portion of my adoption fees a news release was printed that the US and VN were not renegotiating the MOU they had operated under for the previous two years.  There would be no more referrals after September 1st.

For the next 4 months I sat and wondered, prayed, and tried to find peace in what seemed like impossible odds.  So many families were waiting--some for several years--how could I possible receive a referral?

But in my bones I knew he lived and breathed and even from the other side of world I could feel the weight of him against my chest.  I knew the date of his birth and location of birth long before I ever heard of a referral.  All along the way I could feel these momentous things occurring somewhere beyond our grasp.  It was interesting to receive all his info last week and be able to confirm all these thoughts and feelings along the way.  I knew the date of our match long before I was ever told--his paperwork confirms it.  So many other things that before I could only feel and assume were important--well, they were.  

On September 1st I received an email with this simple message:

You're in.

Your boy is permanently matched to you.

No kidding.

Have a great holiday.

We'll talk during the week, I don't have a clue yet when we'll get the photos, etc.

I waited another two days before I saw his face and then waited nearly four more months before I finally had the chance to hold him.

He is mine and I am his.  Together we rang in the New Year just hours after stepping off an airplane together.